Good Morning,
and welcome to another thrilling chapter of the mis-adventures, trials, tribulations; And "Battles Against": adversity, Governmental incompetence and apathy, corporate insensitivity and greed, predatory fellow homeless people, the demons of addiction, my own procrastination and assorted mental and emotional dysfunctions, malfunctions, and compunctions, AND those little, invisible green and purple beings from the 6th dimension who are following me and trying to invade my brain and take up residence.
I am here at the library with Rachel and we are playing on the 'Funbrain' site online and on the library "Kid's Computer".
For those who are interested, I survived the cold last night, obviously, because ghosts have a real hard time trying to use a keyboard, being incorporeal and all that ectoplasmic stuff leaves a gooey mess all over the screen too!
When the wind chill hit -3 degrees below zero, I gave up on multi-multi layering of clothing, (having only the one fairly thin blanket to wrap myself in) and took the bus down to the Howard Johnsons in Pikesville, about 2:00 am. I had my "Absolute Emergency Fund" built up to $47.00, due to the generosity of Milton B. and family, but I still needed $16.00 to get a room, so went to the 7-11 across and up the street and "promoted" that amount. I am glad I did, not only for the shower I so desperately needed and the bed out of the cold, but because, watching the news on CNN and The Weather Channel, about the storm, I found out that a truly frightening number of people have died due to the extreme cold in the past 3 days...like they say,,"there but for the grace of.......etc."..........anyway I will be back this evening, hopefully with a new insight or theme to babbble about. later....Dave
P.S, Rachel says to say hello and to say hi to her when you see us in Starbucks...bye...d.b.c..&..r.m.s.c.
Okay, I'm back, and alot sooner than I thought I would be.
I am so angry right now I could explode!!
(Disclaimer: This is about to become a personal venting, which is also part of the purpose of this blog, so I am giving you all fair warning, that as reasonable, detached, dispassionate, as I try to be at times as an observer and chronicler of people and events......THIS AIN'T ONE OF 'EM!!!)
So, at 9:45 this morning I get a text msg. from the EX, stating that her appt. for a job interview had been changed, (moved from 2pm to 11am that day, and was I still available to watch Rachel, (knowing full well that I will and have dropped every and any thing at a moment's notice or even with no notice at all!). Of course I made it as easy as possible in regards to location and logistics for her to meet me and to drop us off at the library. AND!, when she called to pick Rachel up, offered to hang out for a while longer so that she could go to a bank in Towson and FED/EX in Pikesville, because she screwed up on the rent again and had to do all kinds of last minute bullsh*t to overnight it to the landlord...A-F*ckin-gain!! so now I have to worry and stress out over how many months behind she let it get THIS TIME and whether the landlord will even accept it, because she warned her (the ex) that it has happened too many times before and that the last time was the straw that broke the camel's back. ...tangential rage ...sorry....but this has been a continuing pattern of abuse of my beig, basically a decent guy and even when I am pissed off at her or she has screwed me again, always being available, now with Rachel there is no question at all...anytime..anywhere..any reason, I'll be there. The ironic and hypocritcal part of this situation is that when we were in the apartment where we lived, (the one with the garage that I ended up squatting in for most of a year, and which was recently boarded up suddenly) and I was forced to leave and technically should not have stayed in the house with her OTHER 4 kids....every time that she needed someone to watch one of them if they were sick or off of school, and she could not take off of work, or had an interview....guess who was there??? sometimes getting a call at 6.30 am. when I was in the MCVETs overnight emergency shelter, downtown, and had an hours travel time to be there, busting my ass to get out to Pikesville sp she would not be late for work, Of course as soon as she got home from work I would immediately have to leave, whatever the weather or if I was feeling well or not......SO you are wondering when do I get to the point...sorry, here it is...I asked her when she called me this morning for a favor, to be able to sleep on the couch tonight because the weather is supposed to be bitterly, dangerously cold again, she said she "had to think about it". Fine..when she picked up Rachel, after all the extra running around, I asked what she had decided, and she blew me off again, saying she was inclined not to, that there were many 'issues' she had. At this point I told her she was a real piece of work and kissed Rachel goodbye. Then I came in here and started to write this to blow off steam.....I know you are not intimate with all the details and I am aware that my anger probably 'slants' my writing some, but I am sick and tired of being used at her convenience, of being powerless to ensure my daughter's safety, hygiene, and health (oh DON'T let me go THERE today!!). And the fact that I let myself be a scapegoat in her battle to keep her children for 5 years shouldering all her public SH*T so she could present a better face to the courts, F*CKING my own self in the process, (time out..here is one of those "coincidences" that keep occurring in my life and one of the actions that inspired the main focus of this blog!, in the middle of my rant, my phone rings, and i am not 100% sure of the number that is on the caller ID, and I am/was on a roll here..LOL, so I let the voice mail pick up, when I listen to the message , it is Lisa the Mgr. from My Starbucks, asking if I was okay, and telling me that she and Susie were worried because of the deep freeze temperatures and the fact that I did not come in at my usual time (around 6:00 am) and had not been in all day!! I called her back to thank her and told her how touched I was that not only did she/they think of me, she took the time to somehow dig up my phone number (HMMM..mystery to be solved) and call me. Again the goodness of people shine through all the crap...)
Allright I/\"m done...DAVE
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