"Demented Dreams,................Depressive Screams,........................And A Flagon Of Cold Weather Whine................"

Good Evening;

Well, the past 2 days have not been productive to say the least. Most of the past 48 hours have been spent in the sleeping bag either shivering or curled up in a fetal position. I fell asleep Tuesday afternoon about 4:30 pm. and woke up at 11:30 pm.totally disoriented and with the start of what appears to be another sinus infection. After running to the Giant before they closed to use the restroom I took my nighttime meds and some NyQuil tablets and some generic Immodium. The next 12 hours were a mix of broken twisted dreams, paranoid fantasies, and extremely realistic hallucinations.

NOTE TO SELF: DO NOT "Accidentally" take same combination of Meds and OTCs!!! (But bookmark this page for future reference if bored....lol)

Today the building wave of depression crested and broke, inundating me with all the usual negative and self defeating thoughts. The tools and exercises used to combat or minimize the effects were of little or no help today. Between the drop in temperature and the emotional crash dive, and external triggers, and the ongoing and unresolved physical issues, I just couldn't raise enough energy to get up until after 5:00 pm. It was out to use the bathroom and back in the shed and into the sleeping bag.

I really NEED to get up and out tomorrow to get some cash somehow, I've got bus fare for 1 day and my food stash is down to the candy bars I have to sell and a jar of instant coffee. It is supposed to get down to 32 degrees tonight, (and feel like 28), I hate cold weather, and that is a major factor in this episode of depression. As much as I know I should get out for the morning rush hour, the thought of getting up and out in the dark and cold, an hour before dawn to catch the bus(es) is dragging me even farther down. If my hands are starting to hurt now.....

Another thing I am dreading is sitting for hours in the waiting room at JAI, which is also a necessity.

Ah well, time to get my hands under cover, and try to sleep now, without dreams, so I can at least sit up in the morning when the alarm goes off and either turn it off and get up, hit the snooze and then get up next ring, or...turn it off and go back to sleep.

Instead of falling asleep 20 minutes before it goes off and not even hearing it,

like the other day.

Not having a regular place to shower is not helping matters either....tired, cold, and funky is not a good feeling. It is hard to look at or care about long term goals or options when day to day things seem to be falling apart. The whole D.S.S/S.S.A. thing has me ready to give up. When one hears people on the bus bragging how they 'gamed' the system with completely phony claims and 'got paid',......well......I don't even want to go there in print!

Anyway, maybe a good solid uninterrupted nights sleep, and the 'non-psychotic' nasal meds will help.

Later.......................Dave

"The Party's Over.................................."

Good Afternoon;

Homeless Thanksgiving, American Style

Above is a link to a 'Poverty Insights' article.

Later................Dave

"5 Away From 20K..............&..........It's Raining Out So I'm Staying In......................."

Good Afternoon;

Well....the title says it all. Five more hits and we reach 20,000 visitors, and except for running to the Giant to use the restroom , wash up, make coffee, and grab some

'el cheapo' packaged deli ham and a bag of rolls I have not nor do I plan to, go out of the shed into this nasty ass rain.

I woke up at 6:30 am., a short hour after falling asleep, barely able to hear the alarm from my phone over the pounding of the rain on the roof and the steady patter of the drips through the roof. I reached out and turned it off and went back to sleep. At 9:30 am. I sat up, woke up enough to peer at the time, assess the noise level and rate of the rain on the roof and the amount of 'hissss' from wet rubber on wet asphalt coming from the cars on Reisterstown Rd., 'did the math', and concluded..."no effin' way!"...and fell back asleep before reaching full consciousness.

It was 11:38 am. when my body said 'either get up or wear Pampers' and I headed over to the Giant.

Now, time for breakfast, adding some ham to the 'Roasted Tomato and Mozzarella w/ Fresh Spinach & Basil Pesto on Focaccia Bread' from the Starbucks.

Later.......................Dave

"FANfare..................Cop Chop.....................Insomnia Insanity......................Drip Drama..................................."

Good Morning;

Well it's 2:21 am. and sleep is nowhere on the horizon. The more I lay there attempting to fall asleep, the more all those tiny little voices on the very edge of hearing and comprehension amped up their whispering campaign of self doubt and recrimination, dredging up and re-examining the cold dead corpse of all the mistakes that were thought to be dead and buried and put to rest at last.

Rather than go screaming out into the night to play in traffic or drive an ice pick into my ears to make them stop, I'm hear finishing the post from earlier this evening to take my mind off them.

So...2 minutes after I get to the corner, the Mt. Royal Ave. side because the other side was being double teamed by the 'phony homeless drunk duo', a blond haired woman in a silver car pulls up to me and asks "Are you Dave?". When I answered in the affirmative,

(hey sometimes I don't admit to it....there are some spooky folks out there with Internet access!..............lol!),

she hands me $2.00 and tells me she reads our little blog, and says keep the candy bars.

Thank you kind stranger, that made my day!

In the short hour that I was out there 2 other people handed me cash and also said keep the candy. I was starting to feel good about the day and was looking forward to rush hour from about 3:30 pm. to 5:30 pm.

The general consensus has been positive as regards just asking for money vs. it being a transaction, small though it is. As one woman put it, "If I have this dollar, which I am going to give to 1 homeless person out of the half dozen I see on my ride home, I'd rather give it to someone who shows at least a semblance of initiative as opposed to the guy on the same corner in the same clothes, day after day.

That positive feeling lasted about an hour and $12.00 until the cop who pulled up and said "what are you doing?" and when I showed him the sign, (because I try not to disrespect the police and stand their right in their face so they are forced to take action, I usually fold the sign and put it down and take a drink of water or wipe my face, etc. until the light changes and they pull off), and said "just ,trying to make an honest dollar", and he said "you gotta roll out and move along".

I packed up and went down to the bus stop under the bridge to catch the #13 to East Baltimore to go see Monkee and get another couple days worth of meds. It's gotten to the point that instead of a month's supply, I getting a week's, due to cash flow.

(3:04 am.)

uh oh....hold on.....

okay I'm back...the 'new' drip shields/guides/runnels had to be adjusted...it's raining hard here right now... damnit!

(3:25 am.)

Just when I come up with an idea with possibilities and some legitimacy I seem to have lost the one particular location where traffic flow, diversity of commuters, comfort zone, accessibility, and safety are all acceptable. Yes, there are other corners in the area that could be of equivalent value, but I am only familiar with one.(the 'T' intersection right where the Light Rail stop is at Oriole Park at Camden Yards, where Howard St. turns into I-295 and Conway St. ends at the entrance to the parking lot.) I have been told that there have been people up the road a bit on Reisterstown Rd. at the traffic light at the Beltway, I-695, ramps, which I may scope out in the morning rush hour...if I can sleep and wake up.....and the rain is not too heavy.

(4:00 am.)

oh crap......gotta another one to fix....

and that was fun......NOT!

(4:15 AM.)

The 'ex' does not have the car this week during the day so she cannot bring Rachel to the library as I had hoped so we could hang out there and walk over to Quiznos for lunch. IF...and it's a big 'if' at this point...the weather and my body cooperate, and I either get lucky up the road, or get the energy and ambition to get moving REAL early and make it down to North Ave. for the rush hour, (and for the 6:00 to 2:00 shift by the police), and get enough cash I'll swing by Mt. Washington and pick up Rachel and take her out to lunch.

Where depends on the intake for the morning, and whether I'm coming from here or in town.

And I just realized I HAVE!!! to get to doctor's ASAP to not only get my prescriptions renewed, but I need to talk to her about the returning symptoms in my feet and also about the pain in the abdomen which has steadily been increasing.

Anyway, I'm starting to fall asleep at the keyboard and the rain has stopped...for now. I'm getting back in the bag and giving it another try..

(4:41 am.).

Later........Dave

(5:04 am.)

"Late.....Later.............Latest.............."

Good Evening;

So...I'm here at the coffee shop just about to start typing a short post when Anthony hands me a couple marked out sandwiches....

--I'll be back in a few minutes--

Okay, I'm back...

It was a case of honest desire being trumped by autonomic bodily needs this morning. I was up at 5:45 am. and got dressed to go out and hit the corner, but since the Giant opens at 6:00 am. I sat down on the sleeping bag for a minute....or 240! It was almost 10:00 am. when I woke again, and I felt like I had been "rode hard & put away wet". Everything ached....where it was not in actual pain.

By the time I got unkinked and moving it was nearly 11:00 am.

After going to the Giant and making coffee, washing and using the facilities, I felt halfway human. I went over to Quiznos and ate and felt close to normal, except for the now constant ache in the upper right abdomen.

By the time I finally got down to the corner and held up the sign it was 1:30 pm.

OOPS! I have to pack up and leave now, it's close to closing time and out I go to catch the bus....

To be cont'd......

Later...............Dave

"The People Under The Bridge......................................."

Good Afternoon;

Well, NOT the best day cashflow-wise. I was out on the corner about 1:00 pm., the Mt. Royal side of North Ave. not the I-83 exit ramp.

Why you ask? Because the alcoholic guy who lives above the liquor store, despite the "homeless" sign he carries was already there.

I was out thee for about 90 minutes and just about to switch sides of the street because he had been gone for 30 minutes when the couple who split their time between the North Ave. Motel and under the Howard Street bridge, when the choice is a room or booze, showed up. Now both sets of these panhandlers can be classed as 'aggressive'. Walking up and down between the lanes in traffic, at times knocking on windows, or just getting 'in your face' if the windows are open. The type that make it hard for the non-offensive and peaceful.

And sure enough as soon as the shift changed at 2:00 pm., here comes a cop cruising and then sitting and watching from a block away. I put my sign away and was getting a drink from my bag when he pulled up next to me. I looked at him and nodded and he just looked back, neutrally, as I picked up and walked away. He then drove around the block and stopped on the ramp and was speaking and gesturing in a forceful manner at the long haired bearded guy with the cane. It was too far away to hear, but the body language seemed to indicate a confrontation. These folks were being run off the corner when I was last out there on a regular basis, about 2 years ago. Looking at them is like looking at a picture of a stereotypical homeless couple. On a purely visual level, their lack of personal hygiene and disregard for the condition of their clothing shouts 'bum', or 'hobo'.

(And I will admit to a certain amount of prejudice in this particular case because I have had interaction with them before, and seen and heard behaviors that reinforce my opinion.)

[As I often state, "Homeless does not have to equal derelict!]

So I missed my chance for a bountiful day by not getting out in time, (I could see that the first guy was being called over to a lot of cars), and then waiting too long to transfer over.

$5.00 and one man bought 2 candy bar, and another said keep it and gave me the $1.00 anyway. Nice of him, wasn't it. Well tomorrow, Monday, I'm going to get out there at 6:00 am., + or - 15 minutes, for morning rush hour. I need money for food, meds, a monthly bus pass, Channukah presents for Rachel, and basic hygiene items and some cold weather clothing items. Plus just having money in pocket for the sake of having some discretionary cash.

I'm going to figure out something to eat now, it's been a coffee, coookie, and choclate bar day, food wise.

Later................Dave

"Better Late Than Never...................."

Good Morning;

So.....2 hours later than I wanted to be,....but,

I'm on my way out the door and on the bus, to the train, to the other train, to the corner, with my chocolate bars and candy corn.

No battery life so no progress reports, but I'll let you all know how it went from the coffee shop later this evening.

Later..............Dave

"One More Saturday Night......................"

Good Evening;

Well......insomnia strikes again, and falling asleep at 6:20 am. can really screw with assorted plans, schedules, and 'wanna dos'.

I woke up thinking it was about 10:00 am. and it was after 2:00 pm., so it ended up being another lazy day Saturday in the shed. It was too late to hit the corner, and like yesterday, I just wasn't in the mood to go to the coffee shop. With no money to go anywhere or do anything over a holiday weekend, like many other folks, I'm just kicking back.

Now tomorrow, Sunday, I really do have to get up and get out, by 9:00 am. if things go well, and sell some chocolate bars. I also picked up a few bags of Brachs Candy Corn at $0.16 each, and I've got about a dollars worth of change if any other Halloween candy is on sale for a quarter or less.....lol.

I went over to the Giant about 5:30 pm. to wash up and make some coffee, and grab some mayonnaise from my buddy Dave who is one of the cooks in the prepared foods department. After that I went over to Quiznos and got the 2 'Bullets' for $5.50 sub deal and put John Ford's "The Searchers" starring John Wayne and featuring Natalie Wood on the DVD drive on the laptop while I ate.

After talking with Rachel on the phone and making tentative plans for a late lunch or dinner Sunday it was back to the movie until the 11:00 pm. news and SNL, and now I'm watching "The Unit" on the portable digital TV.

My toes are starting to get cold so it's into the bag and ready to get some sleep as soon as the show ends......or maybe as soon as I run over to the gas station to use the bathroom..........

Later.....................Dave

Homeless veteran rate higher in Austin | abc13.com

Good Evening;

A link to weareaustin.com, KEYE TV 13's website;

Homeless veteran rate higher in Austin | abc13.com

Later...................................Dave

P.S......

National Coalition for Homeless Veterans

www.nchv.org

"Living Under A Cloud In The Sunshine State........................"

Good Evening;

A link to the 'Orlando Sentinel' website, (via 'invisible.tv' on FB);

'60 Minutes' revisits Central Florida homeless

Later............Dave

"Three Years And Counting................And....................Willy Wonka Jr....L.L.C....................."

Good Evening;

Well only 7 minutes to get 150 more hits/visitors and reach a total of 20,000 on this the 4th birthday of my little "Exercise In Exorcism" here.

I'm guessing it 'ain't gonna happen'..............lol!

Yep! It's been 3 years today since I started this journal, as a way to acknowledge the unsung generosity of all the people who have helped me and other folks out on the streets with donations of cash, food, clothes, etc. And most importantly by the simple act of a smile, a wave, a hello, all acknowledging our shared humanity.

I was reminded of all this yesterday, Thanksgiving, as I stood on the curb of the I-83 exit ramp to North Ave. After Tom dropped me off at the Light Rail terminus in Hunt Valley I rode the train down to North Ave. and took the bus to East Baltimore to see Monkey and grab some 'bupes'. I then took the bus back to I-83 and broke out my bag of 'reduced for clearance-$1.33 for 6' chocolate bars and my "Homeless, Please Help, Buy A Candy Bar....Suggested Donation $1.00" sign and hit the corner. It was about 12:10 pm. when I started and 1:40 pm. when I quit. (I couldn't stand any longer without taking a break because of my back and left leg, and when I did the junkie crew came by and took over.) In the 90 minutes I was out there, [of which about 30 were spent talking with the Moroccan guy selling flowers and stuffed animals who is an old acquaintance], I ended up with $20.00, and sold 12 candy bars. Some people gave $2.00 and a few did not want the candy. A number of people expressed their appreciation of the fact that their was an attempt at an exchange of goods for cash, rather than straight up begging or panhandling. Even though both sides were aware that it was not a perfectly equal exchange, monetarily, the "me to you/you to me" action added a sense of dignity to an act of charity, for both sides.

I had a few pleasant conversations with people stopped by the red light, some who bought/gave, and some who did not. I went up to the Starbucks in Mt. Washington on the train and left there at 4:00 pm. when they closed. I ran into my friend Ian from Whole Foods, who used to work at the fresh seafood department there before he took on a managers position at a new store in D.C. As we were shaking hands and saying goodbye he palmed me a $5.00 bill and said "Have A Happy Thanksgiving" and left before I could get untangled from the power cords and push the table away and catch him and give it back.

THAT is the kind of act for which I started my blog to show my gratitude.

I already mentioned Courtney's gift of a sweet potato pie when I got back up here to the Giant, and I just want to say 'thank you' again. It was much 'lighter' and sweeter than other sweet potato pies I've eaten, and yes there is still over half the pie left.....lol.

I fell asleep right after I signed off here yesterday, about 1:00 am., and slept like a rock until 6:00 am., when I got up to pee and take my morning meds. I went back to sleep, on purpose, until Noon...NOT on purpose. I had been thinking of going back down to the corner, but I was still extremely tired from 3 very late nights and very early mornings at Jenn's new place in Monkton. As it turns out, it was after 4:00 pm. before I got out of the sleeping bag, spending the whole day dozing-reading-dozing, until I HAD! to get up to run over to the Giant to use the bathroom, about 5:00 pm. After taking care of bodily functions and washing up I wandered through the food store puttering around and finding the best deals on something to eat.

Then back here to the shed to the TV and Jeopardy then "Ironman", and flipping through the channels until the news came on. I played on the laptop and half listened to 'Letterman' until the TV battery died.

(At the moment I can only plug in 2 items at a time because of the size of the AC adapter plugs on the cords...and the laptop does not have a usable battery)

Now it's 1:00 am. again, and my right foot is getting cold, so it's stand up and try to get circulation back and then slide into the bag to read the end of my book. Tomorrow I need to take another couple dozen chocolate bars from the anti-mouse-hanging-storage-bag and head to the corner and try to make some cash. Depending on how well I do then I'm taking Rachel to lunch later Saturday afternoon or Sunday.

I'm hoping to get there, make about $25.00 +/-, and get back early enough to see Rachel tomorrow. We are going to Quiznos so I've got that covered with the gift card already, I would like to get back to the corner on Sunday and catch the church folks both ways, to and from, it was usually a lucrative day, and especially so on this holiday. Strange as it may sound, there were times I really enjoyed being out on the corner when I was just simply panhandling,......and the positive response from the people I spoke to, and my own feeling of legitimacy on Thursday, with the chocolate bars, reinforced that.

I've got no cash coming in for at least 2 months from D.S.S., so I'm going to hope for mild weather and get out there as often as the competition allows. I won't take a chance when the junkie crew or the drunk guy(s) are there, not wanting to be linked to them by motorists, or, most importantly the police.

Okay, I've got to move around...NOW!!!... the foot is starting to have that burning/freezing sensation..............

Later...................Dave

And last, but certainly not least;

A sincere thank you to all of you who have been reading,

and commenting, e-mailing, FB messaging, and especially to those of you who took the time to stalk, I mean search out (lol!) and meet me.

I'm grateful for the gifts and donations, and an extra thanks to those

who bought a copy of 'TALESPINNER'.

"No Turkey, So No Tryptophan.........But Still Falling Asleep....................................."

Good Morning;

It's 1:00 am. and I'm passing out after 3 nights in and out of the recliner at Jenn's, not to mention exhausted from yelling at the TV watching the Ravens game.

Ate my Thanksgiving dinner of Oscar Mayer Deli roast beef on Giant hamburger rolls with Martins Hand Cooked Kettle Chips and for dessert I had 2 slices of sweet potato pie from the Giant bakery that Courtney, one of young ladies cashiering at Giant bought me out of the blue so I would have a 'real taste' of Thanksgiving. She's so sweet...as is the pie.

Later..........................Dave

"Back From The Shadows Again.........................."

Good Afternoon;

Well...Happy Thanksgiving to everyone.

I'm sitting here in the Starbucks kicking myself for looking at "just one more" post on FB before going over to the Whole Foods to get something to eat. Yeah Starbucks closes at 4:00 pm. today, the market will be open at least 'til then......NOT!

3:00 pm.....and I walk over at 3:03 pm. and the door is locked.

Change of plans......I'll figure something out. If nothing else there is always 7-11!

So.....if anybody cares, or even noticed, I've been away since Monday afternoon. I was up at my son-in-laws mother's house until about 10:00 am today. I only got online to check my e-mail once and just never felt like getting on the laptop. I only watched about 4 hours of TV the whole time too. A circumstantial disconnect that became intentional.

I'll be back tonight from the shed, (because I'm not going anywhere else for the holiday...[2 invitations but impossible transportation issues]....), to expand on my week.

Until then....I hope everybody gets enough turkey and has a nice holiday.

Later...................................Dave

"It Only Hurts When I Breathe................"

Good Afternoon;

Well....another rough night sleeping, or not sleeping actually. It wasn't the temperature, it was nice in the sleeping bag. It was a problem with my joints and serious cramping and muscle spasms. I took my meds at their proper dosages but they did not help so I gradually increased then waited a reasonable time to see if they would take effect. By the time I got to where the meds were making a difference, it was at a point where the "do not drive, operate heavy machinery....etc." warning was more than just a cautionary statement. I went out hard, and stayed out until 1:30 pm. this afternoon. I felt as if I was fighting my way through a room full of Jello as I went from sleep to consciousness when I heard the phone ring. I tried to pick it up but my fingers felt like sausages and both hands and arms were numb and I physically could not grasp the phone or hit the keys. Then the pins and needles sensation hit and my muscles turned to pudding for about 10 minutes. I still cannot make a fist without feeling as if my hands are swollen, and if I squeeze to hard there is pain.

The rest of my muscles and joints, (and my head), feel as if I've been out playing 'Crash Test Dummy' with the guys from "Jackass"...while doing shots of Jaegermeister and snorting ground glass and gunpowder.

It hurts my EYES when I breathe through my nose, it's like all the misery of of a big time coke binge.....with none of the "benefits", {and for the couple people who keep on writing and preaching about the evils of drug abuse,,,,NO SH*T!!!,,,,that is satirical!........duhhhhhhhh!}

Anyway, I obviously did not get up this morning to hit the corner to sell some candy bars, and it's 20 minutes until 4:00 pm. now, so it will be dark soon, and Sunday nights are bad for things like this. I'll try again tomorrow morning, before I take the Light Rail to Hunt Valley to meet Jenn. She is picking me up and I am watching the kids, (and doing laundry and bathing.....yay!!!!), while she and Tom, (and maybe his Mom), go to her Home Group for her 8 year Anniversary...(Way To Go Jenn!!!!).

Tuesday I don't know what time I'll get back from Monkton, so Wednesday morning is doctor day, and I hope I can get a rapid referral to the neurology people.

Now I have to go to Giant to wash up, get some coffee and some bread for a sandwich, and drop off another prescription for refill.

I may head over to the coffee shop, just to get out of here, if I can catch the next bus....after that the timing is such that shortly after I got there it would be closing time, so if I miss the 4:31 pm. bus I may as well stay here.

Later............................Dave

"TinyLetter......=.......'Letters Of Note'...................."

Good Morning;

This is a link to a website showcasing letters from famous people in all kinds of fields from music to politics, arts to science. 605 letters, notes, telegrams, and more, from pre-1600's to today.

And as far as I know no of which are about homelessness, I just think it's a pretty cool site............enjoy!

TinyLetter

Later.................Dave

"The Song Remains The Same........................."

Good Morning;

A link to a story in 'The Oregonian' of Portland Ore.

via their online site 'Oregonlive'

Later................Dave

http://www.oregonlive.com/living/index.ssf/2011/11/homeless_but_not_helpless_form.html

"Sleeping With The Enema..........................."

Good Evening;

So it's a few minutes before 8:00 pm. and I'm here in the coffee shop. I was up until 4:00 am. unable to sleep and tired as hell. I made use of the time by making a sign to help me sell off these chocolate bars, in between freezing my foot off and getting up and trying to get circulation flowing again. I had wanted to get up and out by 10:00 am. and be on the corner about 11:00 am. for a few hours. Best laid plans and all that.......I got up at 7:00 am. to go over to the Giant to use the bathroom and make coffee. Which I took 3 sips of back in the shed, took my morning meds and passed back out on top of the sleeping bag. I vaguely remember shivering with the cold and crawling in the bag at some point, and my right foot again starting the 'not being able to get warm' crap, and the weird feeling like a constant low level electric shock/tingling/numbness, (which is becoming a real friggin' pain in the ass!), but I did not achieve conscious and coherent thought until 4:00 pm. I was straight up exhausted from all the previous nights of poor sleep and when I took my temperature again in the am. I'm again running a low grade fever, my sinuses hurt, (but they are not clogged with mucus, (yet?!) and my throat is scratchy, and I keep coming mere decibels away from losing my voice. I started taking the package of multi-spectrum antibiotics my doctor gave me if this same scenario appeared again. Pre-measured doses in blister packs to be taken 3 times a day for 7 days. Zithromax and I forget what else.

Anyway, I'm going to try to get to sleep by 11:00 pm. tonight, not watching the news, morning and (which just acts like a 'gateway'... or...a drug dealers "first hit of crack is free", and I'll be up until 4:30 am. .....lol.), and get out tomorrow and raise some cash. I'm packing up now and heading out to catch the earlier buses back to the shed and wrap myself up like a caterpillar in a cocoon.

(Resulting in a moth not a butterfly, sadly........lol).

DUHHHH! Moment......

Horoscope for today;

Pisces;

"No one knows what you are thinking until you tell them."

Ummmm, "No Sh*t!"

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!

Later.........................Dave

"Big Numbers From Baltimore .....Babe Ruth ..... Cal Ripken ......HomeLessCide(?).........."

Good Evening;

Only 7 days left to get 437 more hits/visitors to check

out the blog to hit 20,000 by the 25th of November.

The 3rd Anniversary!

Later...................Dave

"Shimmy Shimmy Koko Bop........Ache, Rattle & Roll........Shake Yer Booty..................."

Good Afternoon;

Well last night I hit the bed and passed out about 10:30 pm., slept until 5:30 am. when I awoke from a nightmare I cannot fully recall, soaked in sweat and freezing, and my left shoulder locked up in arthritic agony. When I was able to get myself to a sitting position I could not move my arm at the shoulder, and the elbow was nearly as bad. I grabbed hold of the framework of the shed and let myself lean backwards until it 'locked' and then just fell backwards to the floor.

How to describe the sensations...hmmm.....

Imagine pulling an old rusty nail from a piece of oak, slowly adding more tension on the claw hammer as it pulls the nail bit by bit until it reaches a point where a sharp jerk is necessary, then the nail comes free all at once with a 'POP'. Now morph that to your shoulder and at the 'POP' stab yourself in the shoulder with an ice pick and have an orgasm at the same time, while someone raps you on the raps you on the head just hard enough to make you see stars.

WOW!!!!!!!! Pain...What a rush!

After that thrill ride, I went and peed and took my morning meds and passed back out until 7:45 am., groaned, rolled over, pulling the bag and blanket up over my head...(it was COLD! this morning)...falling back asleep until 10:45 am. when I got up, packed up and went to the Giant for coffee and a wash. I then came here to the coffee shop with it's single occupancy...(well for their intended purposes.....lol)...restrooms and locked myself in and stripped down 'butterball nekkid' and tried to rinse off as much of the funk as possible and changed into all new fresh clothes. I think if I can find the right time/place to lock myself in for time ehough to scrub my feet and trim at least some of my nasty ass toenails, I'll be okay until Monday afternoon when I'm getting picked up at the Hunt Valley Light Rail stop and taken back to Monkton to their new apartment to watch the kids so she and Tom can go to her anniversary celebration meeting at her Home Group. I'll be able to shower and wash and spend the night there.

I've got to get out tomorrow and Sunday and try to make some cash by selling these candy bars out on the corner. I've still got to make up the sign and I've been putting it off. Between the rain and just feeling run down I've not felt like it at all.

I was going to do it here today, (make the signs), and take the train down to North Ave. but I keep having these weird involuntary muscle twitches/spasms. Either my hand will twitch and freeze and I end up with a whole line of uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu unintended letters on the page, and imagine how it would look if I was using a magic marker to write with....lol! Or.. my whole body gives a single violent spasm then a few lesser twitches and I look like a Parkinson's sufferer.....on crack!!! I've already knocked over a coffee and then a cup of ice, and damn near ripped my lip off as I was eating a sandwich, (the jagged edges of the broken front teeth sometimes catch the skin of the inside of the lip......ow...ow...ow..!!)

I've had an occasional slight twitch/spasm for years, but never this frequent or violent.

BACK to the nuerologist...again.

(I ought to get a camera to mount on the screen of the laptop, facing me, and leave it on....."Close Encounters Of The Silverware Kind", or "Adventures In Hot Soup" should bring a couple bucks from 'America's Funniest Home Videos'....ya think?............lol!)

Thanksgiving is now less than a week away, as I am being reminded over and over with questions and comments about what I'm doing and whether I'm going to one of the "Holiday Charity Feasts", but no invitations....

So...I have no idea what I am doing, if anything.......and......Hell NO I'd rather be getting a (much needed) root canal done with no anesthetic while being repeatedly kicked in the testicles as a wolverine gnaws at my entrails! Push comes to shove...

(just went to the little boys room, and had one of single, large spasms.......ooops

time for another handful of Flexeril.....better late than never.....lol.)

...Starbucks is open until 4:00 pm.....and after that...

(well I know I can scrape up enough for a bottle of "Wild Turkey" for my Thanksgiving meal....with a corn bread & muscle relaxer dressing! and pain killer giblet gravy..........yummmmm.).....lol?

Okay, done for now.....

Later.......................Dave

"Rain, Sinus Pain, Brain Drain............."

Good Evening;

So I made it to the coffee shop today, barely.

Mainly because the reading area chairs at the library are hell on my back, and worse when one falls asleep in them. I stopped in there to pick up a book on hold for me and to finish the last 10 pages of the book I was reading and drop it off, (hardbacks get heavy). It took me 4 hours to read 10 pages, and I must of dropped the book 50 times.

I only came here because I needed a place to eat and where I could get a free coffee, (current liquid assets=$1.67), and make and eat my sandwich.

I'm heading back to the shed and the raggedy assed but warm and cozy sleeping bag early tonight. It's supposed to be cold too....great.

Yesterday, Wednesday, I only left the shed to go to the Giant and the Quizno's, in between the downpours. I spent a great deal of time resetting and relocating the 'drip guides' in the shed, after one shifted, soaking my foot while I slept.

It was just warm enough most of yesterday that when I kept dozing off either on or in the sleeping bag that I did not wake up sweating or freezing.

And sleep I did, I felt exhausted in body and soul. The problem was the strange times and durations of sleep/awake time, and having plugged the little portable TV in to 'catch the 11:00 pm. news' may have been poor judgement, or should I say flipping to Ch. 24 to watch 'a minute' of "The Office"...... The rest of the night and morning followed the same pattern....wide awake at ungodly hours, read a bit and fall asleep in the book, wake up turn out the light, sleep for an hour......repeat, repeat, repeat. Other than checking the weather I was not on the computer at all.

I must have been in the preliminary stages of whatever the bacterial/viral beastie that has taken up residence in my sinuses has introduced into my system. Right now it feels like some sort of neo-hippie, Afro-Cuban drum circle has partnered with a Japanese Shinto Temple Gong and Drum orchestra for a live free-form jam concert in the echo chamber that used to be my skull.

Caffeine, Ibuprofen horse pills, & the evening 1/4 pill dose of bupe have muted and mellowed the cacophony to the extent that my eyeballs have stopped bulging outwards with every surge of blood from my heartbeat.

I'm still reading and re-typing every sentence 3 or 4 times though, and my CRS is working overtime.

Alright, I'm leaving here early so I can go and lie down and wrap up.

What I would/wouldn't do for a long hot shower right now....

{Have Soap-Will Travel!......}

{Anybody who can make this happen.....call me please}

{Solo or as part of a:...'You scrub my back-I'll scrub yours' deal}

{LOL}

On a happier note I ran into Michelle and her daughter Remy and little friend Nate her at the Starbucks this afternoon.

Okay, now Blogger is telling me it can't save this...aaahhhrrggghhh!

Later.......................Dave

I'm just gonna hit "publish post", and sign off......so you my be reading this..????

Now it won't publish......can't deal with this friggin' crap right now!

"The More The Merrier ...........................OR...................... Hail, Hail The Gangs All Here! ..................."

Good Evening;

So.....in response to the new 'Comment' on the November 10th post about the 'Mobbies'

Elana, when I say "our blog" the 'our' I am referring to is me

....(whichever one is doing the writing that day)....

and YOU!, and all the other 'Loyal Readers' who have done me the great honor of reading and commenting over the very, very soon to be 3 YEARS! I have been indulging in this "Exercise in Exorcism".

My 'many and wonderful' persona's (Your words!!!......lol!) tend not to congregate in public outside the confines of my skull, (and yes it is both crowded and strange in there), following some type of complicated, detailed, and intricate master plan that determines who will writing on which day. I'm just the zombie who can actually DO the typing most days.

LATER.................DAVE

Hmmmmmmm,.........

If I can get them all to cooperate, I can get the group rates AND the senior discount at the 'Early Bird' buffet!

"Bang A Gong....................Pain, Pain, Go Away..................Survey Says!.....................Who Needs Short Shorts?................"

Good Evening;

So it's only 6:20 pm. and it's all I can do to keep from passing out on the table here at the coffee shop. I am that tired and so damn sore. The sciatic nerve/tumor has been acting up more and more. Now it's at the point where it feels like live wires shorting out down my left leg. At times sudden uncontrollable twitches nearly have me falling out of the chair or if walking, straight to the floor.

Not a lot going on today, I was up and out by 9:30 am. and killed about 90 minutes in the Giant then took the bus down to the stop where the excitement happened last night. The fool's bag of shoes and clothing was still there, though rifled through and scattered about. A woman on her way to work said that when she passed by last night about 10:30 pm. she saw him fighting with 2 undercover cops and then thrown to the ground and cuffed and gagged because he was trying to bite the cops.....LMFAO!!!!! She said that as they were frisking him for weapons he kept spitting at them, until the support post for the shelter rang like a gong, (they are 4 inch schedule 80 pipe), when his head accidentally connected with it 3 or 4 times....sorry I missed the concert....lol!

One of the barristas here, Will, is doing a paper on homeless as a population and I've been forwarding him many of the links I've come across on the subject and the URLs for Baltimore Magazine and Fox 45 and the stories from last year. (can't get the Jewish Times article because the archives are only kept available for free access for 3 months or so.) We are going for a ride and walk through the city sometime in the next week or so, to look at some of the faces and hidey holes, and possibly talk to some folks.

I am about to leave for Monkeys to pick up some of my meds for the next week. I've had to increase the frequency due to the escalating back pain, hip and sciatic pain, and pain in the abdomen from the gall bladder/stones that is so severe on occasion that I've blanked out for a minute when leaning forward while sitting on the floor, (as in reaching for the zipper of the sleeping bag), or standing and reaching just a bit too far forward or down...then I'm picking my self up off the floor as the world reels around me and there is a roaring in my ears and spinning and flashing lights behind my eyes..like a huge OD...and not the 'good kind' of head rush either.

I need to scare up a regular place to shower again, and I really, really need to get some jockey shorts (briefs or boxer-briefs, size 2XXL, preferably the dark colored HANES 'Comfort Waistband' in sets of 5 Santa....if you're reading this.....lol!), This is the first time I've ever actually WANTED underwear as a gift......considering the copious unwanted amounts I received as a kid from my grandmother.....lol!

Okay, pack up time and fun with the buses....

Later.....................................d

'100 Homes' volunteers try to help the sickest homeless: 'It's life or death' | Jacksonville.com Mobile Edition

Good Afternoon; Here's a link to a story in Jacksonville .com;

'100 Homes' volunteers try to help the sickest homeless: 'It's life or death' | Jacksonville.com Mobile Edition

Later..........................Dave

"Hot And Toasty..........Yummmmm ...........And..........Bus Stop Butthead..........."

Good Morning;

Well I'm in the shed and the FedEx/Kinkos AT&T WiFi is acting goofy so this may be a short post, (and First Watch Cafe is not doing any better).

The insomnia finally faded out at 6:30 am. and I fell asleep, hard asleep for 2 hours. Then I ended up sleeping in fits and starts until 10:50 am. being woken up every 10-15 minutes while, for some reason, a multitude of cars and trucks passed through, stopped and sat with engines, radios, & horns echoing off the canyon like walls which surround the shed. When I at last got up, unable to pretend I was going to get back to sleep at all for any length of time a truck and a car pulled in the lot and people got out and wandered around the building talking. I heard mention of gutters and down spouts and figured it to be the owner/engineer and the roofer. The car eventually started up and pulled off as I was getting dressed and packing up, and when I peeped out one of the holes in the side I saw it was the red truck from Harview Roofers. When I slid out of the shed with my bags and the trash I saw no one in sight, or on the roof. The guy must have been inside .

I walked over to the Giant for coffee, to use the bathroom, and food, and as I was standing on the sidewalk outside I saw the red truck pull out of the shed lot and the guy looking all around, when he sighted me he drove over and pulled up next to me and said hello. He then told me he had left some coupons for Quizno's sub & sandwich shop in the shed for me, slipped in under the door. I thanked him and expressed my surprise and appreciation, our having met only once for scant minute and exchanged maybe a dozen words. He pulled off and I went into the food store and went about my business, and then puttered about the store for an hour.

When I came outside at last I did not feel like dealing with the chain and lock and the door just for a couple coupons so I went to the bus stop and headed over to the Starbucks. After a typical day there, including dozing off and face planting on the keyboard...lol.

After closing up at 9:00 pm. and taking the buses back to Pikesville,...... and having to deal with an aggressive, ignorant, mannerless, half drunk, spitting all over the place, no home training, pants belted around his thighs, ass hanging out, just got out of jail, (literally-he had his clear plastic garbage bag with his clothes and shoes and paperwork inside), dumber-than-a-box-of-rocks, thug wannabe, ghetto moron who thought he was going to intimidate the old [and only] white guy on the corner across from Reisterstown Road Plaza......and wasn't he surprised when instead of cringing or backing up...I walked forward into his personal space, crowding HIM up against the wall of the bus shelter my face inches from his, R. Lee Ermey D.I. style, and my little black penlight flashlight pushed up against his throat, (just hard enough so that it would leave a circular ring shaped mark on his comparatively light skin for a couple hours.....[an idea I stole from the guy who robbed me at a phone booth on Liberty Rd., back in the late '80s].....just about the same size and more importantly, 'feel', as a .45 caliber ACP barrel), as I told him in no uncertain terms that I was not in the mood for his petty-ass bullsh*t and if he wanted to live long enough to die in prison he better "LEAVE ME THE F*CK ALONE".....and then stepped back, slipping my right hand into the pocket of my hoodie, and with my left hand, flinging the cheap and gaudy piece of crap, $10.00, gas station mini mart, more dangerous to the user, still closed, folding knife to the curb, where it broke into half a dozen useless pieces. That were immediately run over and shattered even more by an out of service bus, and which caused the blade to bend and conform to the curve of the tire as the point penetrated slightly into the thick tread, molding and becoming one with the tire with every revolution as it click-clicked it's way up the road.

At this time my bus pulled up and I got on, leaving the waste of oxygen and his bag of shoes behind. There is a woman from the 'Islands' I see most nights on at least one of the regular buses I take who was at the stop last night to witness the whole affair, laughing her head off, as was I, at the fiasco. And she knew how the incident started because like me, she at first thought the bag belonged to the man with 2 small children who was asking the driver questions about the route, and that he had forgotten it in the commotion of getting the toddlers seated and paying his fare, etc.

I mean he was sitting right next to the bag which was inside the shelter on the bench, (taking up 2 seats), and the ignorant f*ckstick was standing outside away from the shelter, and who mumbled something unintelligible, when I asked if it was his bag at the beginning.

So, I 'm on the bus with a bunch of regulars, and Bruce the Town Drunk of Pikesville, who comes up and spews his booze breath in my face, looking, (and smelling), as if he rolled in a grease pit, then took a dust bath, and just for kicks...crapped in his pants.....I couldn't get enough windows open quick enough! He stumbled off the stop before I did, and as Daniel and I stood up to leave we could hear everyone let out their breath which they had been holding and gasp for oxygen.......lol!

After stopping in the Giant for a light bulb I unloaded at the shed and saw a piece of paper receipt tape wrapped around something. To my great surprise and delight it was a Quizno's gift card and the receipt for a $50.00! (Fifty!) loading ! WOW! Now I'm really grateful, thankful, and appreciative. I am hoping to see the man from Harview later this morning and let him know what a blessing this is. Then....I'm going to eat a sandwich that someone else made for a change!! I've also got somewhere different to take Rachel out to lunch this week.

Anyway, I'm getting tired and am going to sleep.

Later.......................................Dave

"War Hero Faces Fight To Save His Home « CBS Los Angeles........OR.....We're From The Gov't.....And We're To Help......."

Good Morning;

Another story from the 'Left Coast', again, from L.A.;

War Hero Faces Fight To Save His Home « CBS Los Angeles

Different agency, and of a higher degree of urgency....

but, same basic bureaucracy.

So it can be seen that 'it ain't just me, talkin' out my ass' when it comes to lost records and paperwork once they leave our hands!

Later......................Dave

"Skid Row Speaks Up........................."

Good Morning;

So it's 5:35 am. and the insomnia is in full swing.

I've been surfing the 'Net for the past 4 hours, ever since I realized that all I'd get was even more irritated and sore if I lay there reaching after sleep that w.as not anywhere near. A link to the L.A. Times Online that reiterates some of the same things I've been saying. The really big one being....DON'T look away and pretend we do not exist when you see us on the street. If you do nothing else acknowledge our shared humanity. You don't have to give anything to, or speak to,or even pretend to like any of us.....but do not act as if we are invisible.

Allow us our dignity.

Formerly homeless, they know whereof they speak

Later...................Dave

"Time To Eat The Doughnuts...........................Buuuurrrppppp.............."

Good Evening;

Well a slow sleepy Sunday crawls toward a close. Other than eating too many doughnuts, (Entemanns has a BOGO sale this week), not a damn thing to comment on.

(Except of course the MTA, but waiting 90 minutes because 2 buses never showed up is old news).

And of course the Ravens execrable showing at Seattle, a deja vu game.

Anybody remember Tennessee?

Later.....................Dave

"Cryogenic Slumber........Star(bucks) Search.............Hidden Messages...........&......Love in The Time Of Cranberry Sauce..........."

Good Evening;

Well I went to sleep last night about 2:00 am. woke once before it was light to pee and take morning meds and crawled back into the sleeping bag quick as I could because it was freakin' cold!, it was below freezing according to TWC's Pikesville reporting station, 28 degrees!

I was warm all over except for the damn right foot, which stayed cold most of the night and all morning. I fell back into a dead solid sleep until almost Noon. The "sleep of the 'Just'...(or the 'Damned'?)".

After stopping in the Giant for bread and the restroom, and the library for a few free DVDs to see if the DVD player works in this laptop....(it does...yay!), I caught the bus(es) over here to the Starbucks, arriving about 3:00 pm.

It seems as if there has been some people coming in here and looking for me. The other day Kinsey one of the barristas mentioned a woman coming in looking for the 'Dave who writes the blog' saying that her son wanted to talk to me in reference to the book her son is writing about Starbucks, and today before I got here it appears the son and a friend were in her looking to. He said to Donte, one of the shift supervisors, that we had spoken before, that he had read some of the blog and found it interesting but that he could not remember the exact title to be able to search for it again. I had Donte write down the URL and asked him to relay the information that I could be reached by the e-mail address in the heading/intro area, and to include some reference to HomeLessCide in the Subject box so it would not get lost in the junk mail folder, as I have my filter set pretty high.

I asked Donte if the looked like cops, irate father's or husbands, or 'revenooers'....lol....and he said 'no'....lol.

More news as it develops.

Okay, now this is going to be just like the BBC broadcasting to the resistance in WWII,....lol!....,with personal messages in the body of the news and commentary.

(Only not in code, although it may look like it a bit....lol.)

Visa....have not seen you for forever......., or at least a few weeks, is all well?

Or have you and the future Olympic Gold Medalist swimmer come

to terms with solo driving?

Porche', if it's you reading this, pass it on to your Mom!

And stop in one afternoon or evening before or after practice and say Hello.

If I don't see either of you before the holiday...

Happy Thanksgiving!

(And know that I'm truly grateful for your friendship and your generosity)

And speaking of friends I was in the Whole Foods yesterday evening pigging out on the 'Taste Treat Thursday' munchies, which this week was over the top with a buffet setup for sampling the items on the Prepared Foods department's Thanksgiving menu, 2 kinds of turkey, 2 kinds of stuffing, corn pudding, roasted seasonal veggies, gravy, cranberry relish, all in a serving line....then scattered about the store were half a dozen other individual sampling stations, hot and cold, showcasing other departments!...

(Yummmmm.......buuurrrpp!,..'scuse me....lol)

As I was trying some sort of gourmet, organic hard salami/ dry sausage,

(@$14.99 for about 6 oz.!!!!! the only way I'm gonna try it is for free....lol!)

I see this gamin faced little person, who looked very familiar, slip past a pair of legs into the adjacent aisle. I followed the legs up the body to the face,

(an altogether enjoyable leisurely journey.....lol! ),

and I see it's my Professor friend from MICA, Michelle, and her daughter Remy.

After effusive greetings and heartfelt hugs she tells me that she had stopped in the coffee shop a few times and I wasn't there. It turns out, after comparing notes on time and date, that those were the times I was over Jenn's, either helping with the move, or beforetimes, monstersitting. We made loose plans to meet over the next couple of weeks, and when school is out. I asked how teaching was going this year, knowing she had dropped all of the chairs and administrative posts. She told me she was on sabbatical also and spending loads of time in the studio, creating and painting. I could tell that it was quite a relief and a joy to get back to making art instead of lecturing and teaching and all the bureaucratic academic crap she had ended up accumulating as tenure and seniority accrued.

She went from looking wonderful to awesome, and the light and lightness showed in everything from her carriage to her voice, and especially her eyes and her smile......sighhhhhh.

(Slap, slap. slap,.....spashhhhh.......brrrrr, OH!!! THAT WATER IS COLD!!)

Okay....sorry about that.............I'm back..........LMAO!!!)

Anyway....it's almost closing time here, gotta pack up.

Later.................................Dave

"A Least Expected Lease Extension Leading Up To March Madness...................."

Good Morning;

Well it's 1:00 am. and I'm here in the shed and about to wrap up in the sleeping bag and 'foot pocket' and get some sleep. It's a cold night but the temps are supposed to rise to 58 degrees tomorrow in the low 60s through the weekend and near 70 early next week, (though a bit of rain is forecast then also).

I'll be back tomorrow, (today...lol), with more detail, but I just want to mention the encounter I had with the new owner and project engineer of the property this morning.

For some reason there had been a lot of unrelated foot and vehicle traffic on and through the parking lots on both sides of the shed this morning. After getting up and peeking out at each incident I figured I'd just get up and out early and take off. I had scripts to pick up at RiteAid and food to get at Giant anyway, as well as laundry that would walk itself to the laundry room at Jenn's old apartment on it's own, that must be washed today.

After looking out through various holes and cracks and seeing no one in sight I got all my bags ready to go and took off and down the assorted telltales and locking devices, and unhooked the chain through the wall and door and opened the door and stepped out.

So....right in the 'blind spot' was a roofing company truck and another car.....Grrrreeaatttt!.....but at least they were empty, the people were in the office building.

I quickly piled everything, (of course today I had extra baggage and trash to carry out....lol), under the carport out of direct line of sight. I then rapidly threaded the chain through the holes and began trying to find the right links to slip the shackle of the lock through, most being just that little bit too small due to the weld that seals the link. BUT,...not rapidly enough. Out of the side door right next to me walk the roofer and a little Korean guy. They must have been by there at a previous time and see the lock and chain on the door, because he asks me if I'm the one with access to the shed. Well, I told him I'd been staying in there and by doing so had helped to keep the local crackheads from coming back and using it. I said that I wasn't using any candles or flames, and I wasn't drinking etc. in there. He told me that 'they'...(?)...had just bought the building and he was the engineer for the remodel. He said they were going to demolish the shed, but not until March and told to just stay n there until then, and continue to keep an eye on the place. He asked how to contact me, looking at the lock and chain if they needed to access the shed, and said something about "just coming by this time of the morning?" I pulled out my cell phone and gave him my first name & phone number. I thanked him and expressed my gratitude for letting me to continue to stay here, and took off for the Giant, as it was cold and windy and my hands were starting to really hurt from the cold........just like NOW!...OUCH!

See you in the daylight,

Later...............................Dave

"A Dark November Day Meets A Dark November Mood......."

Good Evening;

So I was up at 6:15 am. for an urgent bathroom run to the Giant, (I know, usually I head over to the gas station for the 'pre-dawn:30' runs, but the Giant opens at 6:00 am. and it is about the same distance, once the distance to the rear of the store is added in,.....but even if cleanliness is NOT next to godliness, anything is better than the nasty funky aroma that has gotten so bad from the floor drain directly in front of the commode in the gas station, scant feet below one's face when sitting!), and the fog was so thick I could not see across the lot to the lodge building wall.

After making coffee on the way back I went back to sleep until 9:30 am., I checked the weather on the new laptop and then called Erik to see if he'd be home so I could drop off the (s)laptop. When I finally got out of the Giant the second time, with food for the day, it was near Noon. I got to Erik's about 12:30 pm. and talked for just a minute...we're going to gt together one afternoon next week and hang out and see what the best options are for which laptop to make the primary platform for daily use. I have gotten to like the keyboard and screen on this one, but it has battery life issues, as in next to none. So far...knock silicon... it has not acted up. I had to download and install more than 130, yes One Hundred and Thirty!, Microsoft Windows updates, as it has not been in regular usage since 2009. (When the 'ex' gave it to me yesterday it had an inch of dog hair and dust on it...............lol!)

After leaving Erik's I lucked out with buses...(we won't talk about the bus that I caught down to where I got off to walk to his apartment....other than to say subtly racist actions and deliberate obstructionism and ignorant attitudes are alive and well among certain drivers in the MTA......[and this was quite culturally and racially combined consensus of opinion among the fellow riders....so the person who keeps writing and calling me racist...{while spewing lots of anti-semetic slurs....lol!}....can kiss my ass!].....)...and caught the 1:05 pm. # 60 to Mt. Washington. The day was getting grayer and colder and windier and the sky was becoming filled with just some of the most depressing and 'bruise colored' clouds so I decided to deal with laundry tomorrow. I've got another tee shirt, and socks, and sweat shirt clean, and well......there is Airwick or Lysol spray at the Giant for a 'ghetto dry cleaning' of the jeans and the um,...'other' garments.

I'm going to have to deal with all the S.S.A. and D.S.S. garbage next week, I'm just so frustrated and depressed over all the 'lost' and 'misfiled', and 'not received' paperwork over the whole length of time I've been dealing with some of these flat out liars, and I'm pretty much screwed until January at this point, it's hard to get motivated to go and sit for hours on end only to be told to go and get something I've already done or gotten numerous times and bring it back on another date.

I also think I need to head down to JAI to see my doctor as soon as convenient, and renew the prescriptions early, before the holiday season adds it own special brand of madness to the mix. It's time to talk to a shrink, IF I can get more than a xeroxed piece of paper with some 'Mental Health Associates' addresses and phone numbers on it, a REAL referral with a name and some pre-appointment contact and information transfer.....

Because the upcoming holidays combined with the current lack of temporary refuge since Jenn & family have moved, and what looks to be little or no cash income on any type of regular basis, the steadily dropping temperatures, the continuing and increasingly more frequent gastro-intestinal flare-ups that have not reached a point where the surgeon wants to remove anything because of the possible overburdening of the other, damaged, organs yet, the onset, again, of the neuropathy instigated by the cold, and the familiar litany of the various forms of "NO" I've heard over the past 3 years at every single employment possibility I've pursued, that is within my abilities. The ONLY positive responses were from unskilled minimum wage laborer positions,...which I willingly worked up until 3 & 1/2 years ago, when I hurt my back for the final time with no insurance, and it became no longer able to even do day labor. Yeah, the pressures are nearing the point of 'explosive decompression'.

Food and a really dark and twisted sense of humor have become my 'drug of choice' at the moment, and that's all I want to go into about it at this time. I'm truly grateful for the buprenorphine though, it would be real easy to slip back into 'chasing the dragon' without it. And the off -prescription effects as pain meds and anti-depressant are just as valuable.

If you have though some of my writings here were 'dark',...HA!...you should see some of the stuff from 'the bad years', (though as poetry...some of it kicks ass!...........lol).

Yeah, I've rambled enough today,

Later...............Dave