Thursday, November 10, 2011

"A Dark November Day Meets A Dark November Mood......."

Good Evening;

So I was up at 6:15 am. for an urgent bathroom run to the Giant, (I know, usually I head over to the gas station for the 'pre-dawn:30' runs, but the Giant opens at 6:00 am. and it is about the same distance, once the distance to the rear of the store is added in,.....but even if cleanliness is NOT next to godliness, anything is better than the nasty funky aroma that has gotten so bad from the floor drain directly in front of the commode in the gas station, scant feet below one's face when sitting!), and the fog was so thick I could not see across the lot to the lodge building wall.
After making coffee on the way back I went back to sleep until 9:30 am., I checked the weather on the new laptop and then called Erik to see if he'd be home so I could drop off the (s)laptop. When I finally got out of the Giant the second time, with food for the day, it was near Noon. I got to Erik's about 12:30 pm. and talked for just a minute...we're going to gt together one afternoon next week and hang out and see what the best options are for which laptop to make the primary platform for daily use. I have gotten to like the keyboard and screen on this one, but it has battery life issues, as in next to none. So far...knock silicon... it has not acted up. I had to download and install more than 130, yes One Hundred and Thirty!, Microsoft Windows updates, as it has not been in regular usage since 2009. (When the 'ex' gave it to me yesterday it had an inch of dog hair and dust on!)

After leaving Erik's I lucked out with buses...(we won't talk about the bus that I caught down to where I got off to walk to his apartment....other than to say subtly racist actions and deliberate obstructionism and ignorant attitudes are alive and well among certain drivers in the MTA......[and this was quite culturally and racially combined consensus of opinion among the fellow the person who keeps writing and calling me racist...{while spewing lots of anti-sCheck Spellingemetic!}....can kiss my ass!].....)...and caught the 1:05 pm. # 60 to Mt. Washington. The day was getting grayer and colder and windier and the sky was becoming filled with just some of the most depressing and 'bruise colored' clouds so I decided to deal with laundry tomorrow. I've got another tee shirt, and socks, and sweat shirt clean, and well......there is Airwick or Lysol spray at the Giant for a 'ghetto dry cleaning' of the jeans and the um,...'other' garments.

I'm going to have to deal with all the S.S.A. and D.S.S. garbage next week, I'm just so frustrated and depressed over all the 'lost' and 'misfiled', and 'not received' paperwork over the whole length of time I've been dealing with some of these flat out liars, and I'm pretty much screwed until January at this point, it's hard to get motivated to go and sit for hours on end only to be told to go and get something I've already done or gotten numerous times and bring it back on another date.

I also think I need to head down to JAI to see my doctor as soon as convenient, and renew the prescriptions early, before the holiday season adds it own special brand of madness to the mix. It's time to talk to a shrink, IF I can get more than a xeroxed piece of paper with some 'Mental Health Associates' addresses and phone numbers on it, a REAL referral with a name and some pre-appointment contact and information transfer.....
Because the upcoming holidays combined with the current lack of temporary refuge since Jenn & family have moved, and what looks to be little or no cash income on any type of regular basis, the steadily dropping temperatures, the continuing and increasingly more frequent gastro-intestinal flare-ups that have not reached a point where the surgeon wants to remove anything because of the possible overburdening of the other, damaged, organs yet, the onset, again, of the neuropathy instigated by the cold, and the familiar litany of the various forms of "NO" I've heard over the past 3 years at every single employment possibility I've pursued, that is within my abilities. The ONLY positive responses were from unskilled minimum wage laborer positions,...which I willingly worked up until 3 & 1/2 years ago, when I hurt my back for the final time with no insurance, and it became no longer able to even do day labor. Yeah, the pressures are nearing the point of 'explosive decompression'.

Food and a really dark and twisted sense of humor have become my 'drug of choice' at the moment, and that's all I want to go into about it at this time. I'm truly grateful for the buprenorphine though, it would be real easy to slip back into 'chasing the dragon' without it. And the off -prescription effects as pain meds and anti-depressant are just as valuable.
If you have though some of my writings here were 'dark',...HA! should see some of the stuff from 'the bad years', (though as poetry...some of it kicks ass!

Yeah, I've rambled enough today,

No comments: