"To Boldly Go Where No Man Has Gone Before!!!!!............"

Good Morning;

How about this lovely weather, 2 beautiful days in a row!

I slept in the shed last night with no problems, no humidity, and no being woken up by the heat just after sunrise for a change.

So Thursday night I slept on the recliner at Jenn's, passed out from sleep deprivation actually, because of the appointment Friday morning at the EndoCentre for my starring role in the new movie..."What Lurks Within?!?!?".....

In preparation for this I drank 2 bottles of Magnesium Citrate, which tastes like the really bad lemonade commonly called 'base' that is found on the fine dining room and room service menus of correctional facilities across the state. After I finished the second bottle, and began drinking the required 4+ liters of Crystal Light, water, and chicken broth..(suggested for the sodium)..I felt as bloated as Rush Limbaugh's ego and was beginning to doubt the efficacy of the product when I was overcome by the irresistible urge to grab a really thick book and a 12 pack of Charmin and retire to the reading room. I was also overwhelmed with gratitude that Jenn and Tom were allowing me to spend the night....and only joking about "charging me by the sheet".......LOL!

Whatever the chemical reaction that is created by the MagCit. and the stomach/intestinal fluids involved, with the pressures created and expelled, they should be researched by NASA or the Air Force......with a technology this simple and this old, there is no reason that we do not have a working 'Flying Belt' ala the James Bond movies, I mean, I coulda used a seat belt on the commode.......LOL!!!

Well after a number of trips back and forth from chair to throne around 2:00 am. I finally fell into a restless sleep, waking up about 6:30 am and on auto-pilot, automatically headed towards their kitchen to brew a pot of coffee. Luckily I caught myself before I drank any, which not only would have screwed up and/or negated the colonoscopy but I shudder to think of the reaction it would have produced within my system...lol. As it turned out, the MagCit. had one last ditch sneak attack left to 'launch'...(hee hee)...but I was able to foil it by a pre-emptive last minute diversionary 'sit-in' BEFORE stepping into the shower...lol!

Alright, that's enough...'bathroom humor' for now.

I jumped on the bus up to Woodholme and the EndoCentre at 9:00 am., arriving right on the dot at 9:30 am. About 15 minutes later I'm in a too small hospital gown, (and for once the 'open back' design made sense...lol), covered with a sheet, laying on my side with an IV in my arm of saline solution and flirting with the nurses , techs, and anesthetist as she starts the flow of Propofol, (the same thing that Michael Jackson was using when he began his 'Big Sleep'), which is hypnotic and induces what is known as a 'Twi-light Sleep'. Next thing I know, I am suddenly wide awake and being offered my choice of juice..(I selected cranapple, if you must know...lol). This is the second procedure I have had when under Propofol, (the first was a series of facet joint injections in the neck and back), and I must tell you that compared to the after effects of most general anaesthesia, (or even recreational anaesthesia...lol), this is the 'cleanest' and 'clearest' in regards to recovery time. If they had not been insistent upon having someone to pick me up and requiring Jenn to sign off on me, I could/would have taken the bus, (though with my luck I'd get the bus with the busted shock absorbers, broken springs, and unpadded seats....LOL!!!), which I did do at the pain clinic at Sinai, telling them my ride was on the way and slipping out when the reception desk got busy...lol.

The results of the test were that not only am I a perfect asshole....I also have one!!

I have instructions to get another test done in 10 years.

Oh....As I was getting dressed in the recovery room, there were maybe another 8 or 10 patients in the other little curtained cubicles also. One of the things you are heartily encouraged to do is to relieve any extra pressure and excess air that was trapped by whatever procedure you underwent, (some are 'lengthier' in both senses of the word, time and depth...lol). The echoes and reverberations were reminiscent of the campfire scene in one of the all time greatest movies ever made..."Blazing Saddles", or the warthog enclosure at the Zoo......lol!

When I got back to Jenn's the very first thing I did was grab a cup of coffee, then take the package of ground beef I had stored in her freezer..(93/07 % fat ratio, normally priced at $4.99/lb., it was mis-priced at $1.99/lb. PLUS it had a $2.00 off sticker on it...I ended up paying 27 cents for 1 pound of the highest quality ground beef in the store! Even though I was unable to stay and cook it that day, I had to buy it and freeze it for later!)..and throw together 3 hamburgers with nothing but SeasonAll in them, (and I ate a good portion of 'steak tartare' in the process too....lol). I ate, dozed, and played with the kids until around 4:45 pm. when Tom came home and then caught the bus to the Starbucks and sat outside there on the back patio until the exterior lights went off at 10:00 pm, (and when the employees were leaving around 9:35 pm. I ran around to the front of the building and saved their asses from a raft of sh*t!! They had forgotten to lock the rear door, and when all the lights inside went off I realized that when I had been talking to Josh as he took the trash out I did nit hear the lock snap shut when he went back inside). I saw that there was a discarded, but still fresh and sealed ham and cheese sandwich on the top of the bag, so I snatched it out of the trash can ASAP. That was dinner last night.

A sat in front of the library and read until about 11:50 pm., finishing both books I was reading and dropping them in the after hours return slot so I would have less to carry, (my back is acting up pretty bad, so I am trying to reduce the strain as much as possible), went to the gas station to use the facilities, (no money-no Keno), walked across the street and passed by the Dunkin Dumpster, (it was already emptied), and into the shed where I set up my bed roll and fell asleep trying to read before 12:30 am. I woke up at 3:00 am. with a backache, took a Flexeril and went back to sleep until just before 7:00 am. when I took my morning meds. I fell back asleep until 10:30 am., because I could...there was no steam room or sauna effect happening...and I was tired out. I came here to the library to contact Jenn by e-mail to see if/when I could get in there for a shower, shave and coffee today. She is out and will get back to me later and let me know. Since then I have been on the computer, here on the Comedy Of Errors that you guys keep tuning in to....(Thanks!!!).... answering e-mail, and messing around on Facebook.

My options are limited today, (and tomorrow), by the total absence of cash, food, and Foodstamps. I have 2 Quaker Oats Chewy Granola Bars and 1 or 2 packs of those little 'touch o' flavor' packets to add to my water bottle....and if I get REALLY desperate....I can always squeeze out the mayonnaise from the little packs.....

HOLD ON....Incoming message from Jenn on the e-mail......

BRB!

Okay!!! She is on her way past here and will drop off the key on her way to get the kids...(from--????).....so I'm gonna sign off here. She'll be by in about 20 minutes and I'll jump on the bus to her place. That is the answer to food for today and a shower. I get my money on Monday and can put minutes on my phone..(I have 3 left on the 410-340-xxxx number.if anyone wants to call)..get a month's worth of meds from Monkee all at once this time so i don't have to worry again like this month, and have some money for Rachel and I when she spends the week with me at Jenn's...also money for laundry, razor blades, batteries, etc.

I'm outta herte dor now....be back Monday, unless I end up in Towson tomorrow...it's a 50-50 chance.

Later.........................Dave

"Rear View....................."

Good Afternoon;

I've only got a second here on the laptop, so I just wanted to let you know that all is well, no polyps, etc.

I'll be back when the library opens on Saturday morning.

Later.........Dave

"Last Supper ...................OR..................... I'll Take That To Go!"

Good Morning;

Another steamy sweaty night in the shed. The week that Rachel and I are going to be pet sitting for Jenn I am going to wash everything, sleeping bag, blanket mattress, pillows, and the blanket I use as a groundsheet. I spent 2 hours in the gas station riding the Keno roller coaster up and down until the lottery shut down at 1:30 am. trying to coax my initial $1.00 in loose coin into a large amount of bills. It was win $2.00, lose $1.00, lose $1.00, win $2.00 the whole time and I left with $3.00, a huge $2.00 profit....and I blew the whole thing on drinks!

No not what you think!

I went to the Giant this morning and had to buy 2 bottles of Magnesium Citrate to be chugged tonight to 'flush the plumbing'......it's a good thing the new book I had on reserve at the library came in today, I'll be spending this evening in the 'reading room' at Jenn's.

I've got to go and find something to eat now, as I cannot eat anything after about Noonish today, except clear liquids.

I may be back later on the laptop from Jenn's,

if not...I'll check in tomorrow with all the in depth details....

unless of course I can get the doctors office to stream the video.....

talk about getting to know a person..."inside and out"!!!!

Gotta run now.....and I'll be 'running' later too, all I need is for Devin to decide to lock herself in the bathroom tonight.......LOL!

see ya................Dave

"Little Blessings...........Or.............Taking The Hard Edge Off The Big Picture........."

Good Afternoon;

So...when I left here yesterday things were on the gray side. Out of money, Foodstamps, and meds, and having received that denial notice from S.S.A.

I stopped at Jenn's and searched through my old bag and then my new bag looking for the court summons to double check the date, time and judge's name. It is an obvious fact that when you find something it is "in the last place you looked"...(duh.....lol)... and in this case it truly was.

The very last envelope in the very last plastic bag in the bottom of my newer shoulder bag....and I almost started with this bag, but I thought, nah...I'm pretty sure I put it in the old bag. Just goes to show that I should not think about things but go with the first feeling, idea, impression, or hint of intuition. In any case I found what I needed to know and e-mailed my caseworker Shelly from the laptop. I then proceeded to the kitchen and began to prepare a ham and turkey sandwich from the lunch meats I had purchased, (at a deep discount because of the 'sell-by' date and then an additional $2.00 off), on Sunday when Edward and I walked to the Giant. The ham was okay on Monday, but the exposure to the air must have accelerated the rate of spoilage, and after I washed a piece off and took a taste...then quickly went into the bathroom and spit it out in to the commode and rinsed my mouth with some Listerine.

Funky does not begin to classify the taste and texture, (somewhat akin to boiled rubber dipped in bilge water). The turkey was in better shape, and I knew that this particular brand was somewhat rubbery anyway....(hey..at around $3.00 a pound I'm not gonna argue....lol)....but there was only 2 slices left, so I ended up cleaning out Jenn's 'fridge by eating the single bite bits of this and that weren't green, fuzzy, or animate.

Jenn took the kids over to her friends house and the pool, and I did my usual thank you task of washing the sink full of accumulated dishes, (and it took a good while, I can't stand and bend and reach for more than 10 or 15 minutes at a time anymore before I have to sit down and rest my back and my feet, this seems to be getting worse and S.S.A. is trying to tell me I can do the work I used to do...FINE, let Them find me an employer who will pay me a living wage for the ability to get 4 hours work done in an 8 hour workday, but I digress......), and sweeping up the dog hair,....if it wasn't so damn filthy and stinky, and mixed half and half with flaked and powdered skin...(and don't get me started about taking the dog to the vet!!!)...I'd send it all to the Gulf and BP would be able to soak up all the spilled oil in a week!

Tom came home about 5:30 pm. and I went over to the Metro station and caught the bus to Mt. Washington and the Starbucks.

Ian, who works behind the fish counter at Whole Foods gave me a gift card with what he thought was about $6.00 left on it..(turned out to be $6.66....hmmm so that's why it was such a vile, poisonous, acid green card.....lol), and when I went to the Deli counter to get some meat for a sandwich, my friend Dave used his discretionary fund ability to write N/C on the price tag, so I ended up paying only $0.89 for the bagel to make the sandwich, and $1.59 for a peach muffin, [which was really good!!!],(and change the numbers on the card...lol). I sat outback until almost 10:00 pm. {and the sky was still not completely dark} and ended up grabbing a couple turkey & swiss sandwiches, and a ham and swiss panini out of the bag when the garbage was set out, (still sealed and dry and off the top of the pile in a clean bag), so food for today and tomorrow, (and I have to start a fast/clear liquid diet at Noon Thursday anyway, in preparation for my 'procedure'), is taken care of.

I took a couple buses back to Pikesville and Daniel at the gas station bought 5 bus tokens from me for $5.00, which I had planned to use to scare up another 'bupe', which would have lasted me until Saturday afternoon. When I was in the Giant this morning shaving, then trying to power wash with paper towels, (I felt THAT cruddy because it got THAT warm and sticky in the shed so, early this morning. I slept really badly last night because i screwed up on the times that I should have taken my meds and took them too close to the time I wanted to sleep, and even though I was nearly passing out as I sat on the bench outside the library trying to finish the last 4 pages of a book so I would not to have to carry it around another day,...as soon as I left the gas station...(for the second time, the first time I walked off with the bathroom key because it is no longer on a 3 foot piece of plastic molding....lol!)...and got the shed set up with my sleeping arrangements I could not get comfortable or back to sleep for more than 20 minutes at a time, and lay awake most of the night...but I'm off on a tangent again...lol.), I thought.."Why not give Monkee a call just for sh*ts and giggles", and when I did, she said to come right over as she was getting ready to leave for work. I jumped on the bus and the train and the bus and got over to her house about 11:00 am. we had a chance to sit and talk and she let me have 3 tablets until I get my little bit of cash on Monday the 2nd of August., which is a great relief, because i don't know if I'm going to feel like sitting on hard bus and train seats and running around this Saturday...Oh!....that's right!!!, I just remembered..I am watching the grand kids on Saturday morning for Jenn and Tom...well that is another reason to be thankful I don't have to worry about running some 'bupes' down on Saturday also.

And I have $5.00 in cash along with the $4.16 on the Whole Foods card...(the sandwiches are gone already...lol).

The 'big picture' on the TV screen of my life may still be rolling and out of focus, but these little blessings act as the vertical hold and sharpness controls that stabilize it for a short while. (And we're talking about a big, bulky, old school, black & white, analog, vacuum tube, rabbit ears, no remote, slap it on the side with the flat of your hand to stop the buzzing, console set here.... not one of you're cutting edge, flat screen,true color, LED, High Definition, digital, satellite controlled, internet capable, computer compatible units!

And some other happy news is that when Jenn and the family head...

"downy oshun...hon!!"

between the 8th and the 13th of August...Rachel and I will be petsitting, and she will be sleeping over all or part of the week. We will have a chance to just spend some true quality time together!!

Well I gotta go, times up...

I guess I'll head over to the coffee shop...

Still crazy....still grateful....

Dave

"Sleep Numbers............"

Good Morning;

Finally!!!

You can go outside and breathe with out either searing your lungs or drowning!

Well, I went to meet Shelly, my case manager from Prologue yesterday and it was as I thought about the letter from S.S.A.......a denial. But, DAMN were they quick about it this time, I saw their doctor on the 13th, he submitted his report on the 15th and the letter sent out to me was dated the 16th...NOW they want to be efficient. The next step is the automatic request for reconsideration, which can be done online and is only a review of the paperwork already in their possession by someone who did not participate in the first examination of them. This will produce another automatic denial and I will then request an appeal which will most likely produce another denial, (there is a minimum of 2 and usually 3), and then the next step will be a request for an appeal before an administrative hearing judge, and most likely another round of physical and psychological examinations by another group of doctors, both on their side and mine.

My next step is researching, choosing, and consulting with a disability attorney, one of those 'TV lawyers' as I call them, who worked for S.S.A. and know the tricks and loopholes, and are now hustling for themselves and the money, so they have an incentive to fight for the client.

I went back to Jenn's about as happy as you would expect, nothing ever happens the short or easy way in my life. Jenn dropped me off at Starbucks about 7:00 pm. yesterday evening then we went to the Giant and I sat outside and read until about 10:30 pm. The shed was comfortable for the first time in over a month, of course the fact that the door had been blown open and the wind had aired it out big time during Sunday's vicious thunderstorm may have had something to do with it too.

I slept until 1:00 am. and woke up thinking it was 7:00 am. or so, then fell back to sleep until 8:00 am., took my meds, sat down for a minute and woke up at 10:30 am., and if it had not been so warm inside I could have been asleep still...(it's noon). I slept really poorly at Jenn's the past 2 nights before.....can you tell?

okay time's up again.....

later....Dave

"Deep Fried And Schadenfreude!................................"

Good Morning;

Wow, can you believe it? 81 degrees at 9:00 am., break out the thermal underwear!!!..lol!

How about this past Saturday, (24th), 105 degrees and a heat index between 110 and 115 degrees!! When I walked out of the library to head over to Jenn's just after Noon there was an elderly woman using a walker exiting at the same time. As we stepped out of the doors and walked about 3 paces towards the parking lot we left the shade of the portico and the draft of cooler air escaping from the lobby, the heat struck us with an almost physical blow and the blazing sun was actually painful on the skin. We took 2 more steps and the woman seemed to wilt and shrivel up, and she started to collapse within the framework of her walker. As I reached over to support her, her (adult) children jumped out of the car in the disability parking space where they were waiting for her and we took her back into the library and sat her down in a chair in the A/C. Someone brought her a cup of cold water and a wet towel and she revived quite rapidly. It was the sudden rise in temperature of at least 30 degrees and the shock to the system that it produced which caused the reaction. I got on the bus after I saw she was okay and with family and headed down to the Reisterstown Road Plaza. After walking through the mall I was crossing the asphalt parking lot in front of Home Depot to get to Jenn's apartments. Some jerk decides to 'peel out', spinning his wheels as he accelerated away, nearly hitting some guy rolling a cart of plywood to his truck. Of course with the extreme temperatures there were 2 long gouges in the parking lot surface where the asphalt was close to 160 degrees from the absorbed heat and sunlight. What the idiot did not stop to consider was that with front wheel drive all the semi-liquid bits and pieces of tar, and fine near gaseous spray, and the chunks of jagged aggregate would be spewed all down the side of his nice (formerly) white luxury SUV.....ROTFLMAO!!!!

Anyway, I showered and had a meal at Jenn's and played with the kids for a while. Tom was DJing a wedding reception and was scheduled to spin until 6:30-7:00 pm., but it was so hot in the hall the they asked him to wind it up around 5:00 pm. When he came home he and Jenn took the kids out to see 'Despicable Me' and I just hung out in front of the TV. When they came home around 10:15 pm. I was getting ready to leave and he told me to just spend the night, since it was still in the upper 90s outside. So I Did!

On Sunday after Jenn made pancakes and cheesy eggs I took the train and the bus to Barry's and picked up the bupe he had gotten for me, talked for a short while and took the bus and train back to Jenn's. I could not figure out for a while what seemed different about the trip, and why it seemed much easier...then it hit me I had left my bags at Jenn's, and the uphill walk on Monument St. in front of Johns Hopkins Hospital was just annoying and exhausting because of the heat and the normal aches and pains of my rapidly deteriorating and disintegrating skeletal structure..without the added weight of my meager, (but damn heavy...lol) possessions.

Although the temperature at this point, (Noon), was only....(ONLY!!!.....HA!)....98 degrees the dewpoint and humidity were through the roof and my skin felt as if it oozing salted oil. I got back to Jenn's and collapsed, once I had scraped and defoliated, and drank about a gallon and a half of Powerade Zero and ice water.

Jenn asked me if I minded watching the kids for a while so she could get out with a friend, (Tom was DJing), so I said sure. I did a sink full of dishes, stooping frequently to sit down and rest my back and legs, then showered and did 4 loads of laundry, again slowly, my back has been troubling me severely for some reason and not only can I not sleep, I am so low on 'bupe', (1/2 of 1 tablet to last for the next 2 days, until I find some money somehow), that I cannot take the needed extra dose I usually am able to on occasion. Anyway about 9:30 pm. Jenn texted me and said she was picking up kitty litter, (I also had emptied the cat box and took out 3 loads of trash), and milk and that Tom was on the way home and she would be there shortly after. I texted her with the line from the clash...."should I stay or should I go now"...and she said I was welcome to stay the night again. It had thunderstormed but not as severely here as we saw on TV, and the rain was not that heavy so all it did was lower the temperature a few degrees and raise the humidity at that point.

I have a 2:00 pm appointment today with Shelly, my caseworker from Prologue, about a letter from S.S.A. that she did not want to discuss in an e-mail, which I can only imagine to be...BAD NEWS!!!...I hope I am wrong, but,...the way my luck runs in thing of this nature???

Anyway...I am using the laptop in the living room and Edward is having hissy fits because he cannot come in here and watch TV because the cords are all over the place and he is as observant as a blindfolded bat with earmuffs.

I'm outta here for now to get some breakfast, then shower.....

Later...........................Dave

"In The Heat Of The Night........................"

Good Morning;

At 8:00 am. I was forced to get out of the shed due to the heat, (where I was not planning to spend the night in the first place but was so tired at 2:00 am. I HAD to lay down, and could not deal with the walk up to the cemetery carrying my bags and sleeping gear where I had planned to crash under the trees on the outskirts of the property. Which turned out to be a good thing in one respect when I had to run to the gas station to use the restroom at 3:00 am.), and the lack of breathable air due to the combined funk emanating from the shed and my own body. I had left Jenn's house about 11:30 pm. last night, and had just showered, by the time I walked to the subway station a few hundred yards away, I was soaking wet again. I rode the train up to Owings Mills and the bus back down to Pikesville just to take advantage of the A/C, then sat outside the library until close to 2:00 am. when I could not sit up any longer and when I tried to lay down on the slatted metal, too short bench...it just didn't work.

My shirt was soaked through by the time I got to the Giant this morning and I thought I would freeze to death when I went in to wash up. By the time I finished my morning ritual and made my cup of (pretty good single serve new process Nescafe instant coffee, taking advantage of the free sugars, etc. and the extremely hot water from the tap), and left there the shirt had dried, but when I stepped outside the heat hit me like a slap in the face and by the time I staggered to the library I was wet again. And it's only going to get worse today, 100 degrees or more and heat indices of 105-110 degrees.....and the library closes at 5:00 pm., (which I find is the worse part if the day...with the combination of air temperature, slanting , glaring, eyeball searing rays of the sun, and the stored heat of the bricks, asphalt, parked cars, etc. begins to radiate), and I've no place to go. I'd go down to the Harbor and hang out by the fountain that you can play in, but the effort of getting down there and the waiting on the bus stops in the heat is counterproductive.

I'm down to the last pair of Jockeys and no money for laundry....at least if I have to wash them in a sink, it will take no time at all to line dry them. This weekend, next week and the following weekend are going to be one long haul. I'm down to rock bottom in every category, meds, food, cash.

The dangerous heat levels are not helping things either. The attitudes and actions of people on the buses, the trains and the street are bordering on the homicidal, patience and tolerance are almost nonexistent.On the bus yesterday,...with no working A/C..., I saw a woman, in her mid 20s, screaming at her kids, ages about 2 and 3, who were hot and tired, and this other woman, an older lady, 50+?, tried to gently and politely intervene by asking if she could help with the kids....and the younger b*tch pulls out a razor and starts brandishing it in the lady's face. The older woman slams her in the face with her pocket book and takes the razor away and drops it out the window, and proceeds to tongue-lash the mother until she was a cringing pile of jelly cowering in the seat. The kids were staring big-eyed and sucking their fingers as the bus driver stopped the bus and came back. The younger woman grabs the kids and the stroller and her bags and runs out the back door and the whole bus starts applauding the older lady, who was still running on adrenaline, and mumbling about "how no nappy headed, crack smokin', baby's mam-baby's mama, is going to disrespect her.....mumble, mumble...."

I'm out of time for now, I'll probably be back later, it looks like I'll be here all day...unless somebody invites over.

It's not the daytime that is so bad, it's the late afternoon and the night that is beating me up right now.

Later...Dave

"Nothing Up My Sleeve But My Arm.....And Look Ma No Holes!!!......."

Good Afternoon;

So I ended up spending last night at Jenn's unexpectedly. When she came home from having more color added to her tattoo, which is getting to look pretty spectacular and incredibly bright and colorful, she asked if I minded watching the kids some more that night so she could go with Tom to his homegroup. I told her no problem and nothing was said by either of us regarding staying the night. Well they stopped ta Super Fresh afterwards and did not get back until 11:00 pm. or so, which meant I was staying by default, not that I minded...lol.

I ended up having a bad night sleeping due to back pain and my internal thermostat being out of whack, and kept switching between the leather recliner and the poorly constructed, worn out, sagging couch...which I had not previously 'prepped' by padding the frame that hits right at hip level and building up the sink hole where the springs are sagging with folded blankets and towels so that my head and neck are not twisted at 85 degree angle and my shoulders are below waist level. I was also out of my meds as I mentioned yesterday so there was no way to relieve and relax the increasingly severe discomfort.

I got up about 7:00 am. made a pot of coffee and contorted my body into a semi-sitting position that was if not comfortable, at least bearable. I got the kids their milk and stared at the TV until 9:00 am. when I got up and went over to the Metro and took the subway down to Hopkins and the bus over to North Ave. and Wolfe St. and walked to Barry's house. I had called him last night asking him to find a 'bupe' for me for this morning. Well as usual he had forgotten and he went out to look for one at the place where 99 times out of 100 there is someone selling them. Of course today when I needed one...no one had any left. I left the $10.00 Jenn had loaned me with him and put my number in his phone memory and he is supposed to call me when he gets one. Meanwhile I left to head back to Jenn's to wash up and then meet Rachel at the library for the show there, resigned that I would be having a bad day physically and mentally. As I came around the corner past Monkee's house, (their houses back on to one another across an alley), I thought as long as I'm down here I may as well say hello. When she came to the door she told me she had just that minute found one last 'bupe' that she had stashed in her car and forgotten about and that it was for me. You cannot imagine the relief that washed over me like an ocean wave, even before I took a dose, (a similar sense of relief was felt when Jenn offered me the cash), a purely emotional and psychological lightening of the weight and the cloud of darkness that was hovering over my head and shoulders. The knowledge that I had a few days reprieve from the stress and worry of having no 'buffer zone', or 'cushion' in which to locate a temporary supply was like the ending of an eclipse, in a primitive land...light returning to the sky and the land and all the native prostrate on the ground giving thanks that the Sun God had come back!

Any way, I took my quarter of a pill and by the time Monkee and I finished catching up, the back pain was as weak as it ever gets and I again.."Felt Normal".. as the ads on the buses and TV say. No euphoria, no high, just as close to average, everyday, boring, no frills, white bread, plain jane, unflavored, unsweetened,......normal.

So, I got back to Jenn's too late to shower, but Rachel's mom was able to pick me up and drop us off at the library. We saw "Mike Roses's Water Magic" show and it was a lot of fun. He is a comic magician and sleight of hand artiste who charms and amazes the kids and his patter is at two levels, one for the grown ups too. He is also really good at the hand magic, simple things but I could not catch him out. Rachel enjoyed it very much and also the pint of strawberry ice cream we demolished at the Giant afterwards....lol! We met her Mom and boyfriend at the Giant then she and I came back to the library to get her some books and play on the computer at WWW.PBSKIDS.COM .

I am heading over to Jenn's when the library closes in 15 minutes and getting some dinner and hanging out until the sun goes down and the temperature drops to a nice cool 85 degrees or so....LOL....NOT!!!!

From a rough start to a decent day.. I am both extremely grateful to whatever 'higher power' is looking out for me, keeping me from using and truthfully, in all basic respects, safe and sound, and luckier than any of you will ever realize.

For all the sh*t I end up wading through......at least I'm not forced to be walking on my hands.....LOL!

see you Tomorrow!............

Dave

"Falstaff Meets.........'The Cockroach That Ate Cinncinati'........"

Good Morning;

Last night after I closed the library I wandered over to the Giant and bought my 2nd bottle of Powerade Zero of the day and a few ounces of ham and a deli roll and a package of the day-old cherry croissants from the reduced rack and sat in front of First watch and had a late dinner around 10:00 pm. I could barely stay awake to eat, and I did actually fall asleep for a minute as I was packing the pastries away for this morning. I must have nodded out and let the plastic container slip to the ground, because when I jerked awake due to the sleep apnea that afflicts me, the container was filled with ants fighting a pitched battle against one of the largest roaches I have ever seen. We're talking about an insect that has it's own zip code! The ants finally caused the roach to retreat through the sheer power of numbers, but not before he had left a few hundred casualties, mostly headless or multiple amputees, and he managed to get away with a chunk of croissant about the size of a small child. I normally hate the nasty things, but, ya gotta respect a valiant warrior so I let him scuttle off towards the dumpsters. The damn ants then decided to start crawling up the bench and began a 'reconnaissance in force', of me and my bags, and.... "The better part of valour is discretion, in the which better part I have saved my life."* ... I immediately began a tactical 'Advance To The Rear'** ... and went to the 'sauna shack' and tried to air it out a bit and lay down and fell asleep with the lantern still on. I awoke to a slightly cooler breeze blowing on me, (I'd placed the little battery operated fan that Prologue purchased for me next to to a hole in the wall that I punched open with my fist and then shielded from the light with the shards and splinters plucked from my flesh...lol), the smell of rain, the sound of a steady drip..drip..drip, and and urgent need to get up and out and visit the tree. This was about 2:30 am. and I spent the next 6 hours dozing and waking, dozing and waking, until the sun had made the shed too uncomfortable, turning it into a steam room.

I got up, went over to the Giant to try to wash as much of the funk and salt off my skin as possible in the restroom, and bought a little piece of beef for lunch. I am stopping at Jenn's to play prison guard for a while this afternoon while she and her cousin go to get some more work done on their tattoos, (Jenn is having color added over a large area, which is why she has been going so frequently, one can only take so much at a time at this stage before passing out or going postal on the guy with that buzzing needle gun...lol), so I get to shower and cook, (or most likely the other way around...lol).

I took the last quarter of a pill of my 'bupe' this morning, and though I may not sound like it, I'm stressed as hell about it. I don't have a referral for an appointment to get a referral to a licenced provider until next week, and who knows when that referral will give me an appointment with the provider. Monkee is somehow out of them this month, and not due for a refill until August 5th, I am going to be forced to search for them on the street until ???, and I have absolutely NO MONEY At All!!!! with none expected until the 2nd of August, and no food credits left to trade or sell on my card. I was on the bus a couple different times in the past week or so, checking out the main corner I used to panhandle at, and the backup one too. Both places were crowded with people competing for space and attention, at one point I saw a fight break out. It looks like the drunks and junkies have taken over and I'm not getting near that mess. So I have to find a way to get about $30.00 for the next 10 days or so just to survive. Food I can figure out, it may not be the healthiest diet but there are options. The biggest pain in the ass is both money, and the process of searching out, and then paying not only for the meds, but the tip or commission for the person who found them, (which I am happy to pay, it just keeps me that much farther removed from the lifestyle and the danger)...with Monkee I have credit, and no need to go anywhere 'sketchy'.

I really want to be able to find at least $10.00 today so I can enough for Friday and the weekend. I am supposed to be taking Rachel to the library tomorrow to see the magician 'Mike Rose and his Water Magic Show' at 2:00 pm. and then for an ice cream or some such treat at the Giant, (I've saved FoodStamps for that), and I would really like the stress factor to be at zero for this. I don't get to see her enough recently as it is.

Okay times up for this session, I'll be back later, I've a few more things on my mind to write about and throw out to the universe...lol.

I'll figure something out, Beg, Borrow, Steal...(well maybe not that anymore..lol!....I'll hope for gifts or donations, or that horseshoe up my ass to fall out on the ground and when I go to pick it up...there's a $20.00 bill in the grass....lol).

Anybody wanting to lend me a couple bucks until the 2nd...feel free to contact me.

Later............Dave

*(Henry IV Part 1)

**(Movie of the same name-1964)

"So What Do You Think Of Red China?" ........"Not On A Blue Tablecloth!"

Good Afternoon;

I just got back from a leisurely late lunch with my old friend Patti, at the Golden Dragon. I have not been there for 30+ years but the same hostess/waitress sat us and served us, just like in 1976! Must be some sort of secret ancient Eastern elixir keeping her looking the same...not more than a day over 95!...LOL!

We had Shrimp Toast that was neither greasy nor burnt, and over stuffed with a wonderful filling with a custard like texture and a taste that made you close your eyes and sigh!. The Won-ton soup was wonderful, and the Shrimp in Lobster sauce, (with Black Bean Sauce), was awesome! And I don't like Chinese Food!!

Patti and I tried to get caught up and reminisce at the same time and ran out of time before we ran out of topics. Now that we are back in touch we plan to stay so, and get together sometime again...soon.

I'm back here at the library trying to figure out what to do now, I've no money so my options are limited to here or the coffee shop...and I really don't want to go out and deal with the heat....

Time's up now....so if you hear from me again today...you'll know which i chose!....lol.

Later....................Dave

" One From Column A.........And Two From Column B......"

Good Morning;

Well that storm last night did nothing but make the humidity worse. I stepped outside from Jenn's to go and catch the bus and damn near killed myself tripping over a Siamese cat that was abandoned by one of the residents of the complex who decided that they only wanted to keep their dog, so they threw the cat out and refused to lrt it back in or feed it anymore. It is a very friendly kitty, but has the habit of getting between your legs and stopping...not so bad if you can see it...but when your glasses are fogged up on both sides of the lenses and you are stepping down off a porch and are unbalanced by unevenly weighted bags over your shoulder and in your hand......let's just say that the cat has one less life and I can attest that the Gravity is working in that area!!....LOL.

I was reading the instructions I have to follow before my "Poop Chute Photo Shoot" on the 30th and I have to do the usual things such as, stop certain meds, don't eat anything after lunch on the day before, clear liquids only until the morning of the procedure....and....drink 2 (two) bottles of Magnesium Citrate the night before the "Journey To The Center Of My Arse".....Oh Happy Happy Joy Joy!. I need to make arrangements to spend the night somewhere that evening, I can't be running from the shed to the gas station and monopolizing the restroom for hours, not to mention setting new records for the '100 Yard Dash'--stiff legged and clenched version.....lol.

Of course I'm broke and get my money 4 days after I need it, so the phrase.."will you buy me a drink' has taken on a whole new meaning!

I am on my way over Jenn's to take another shower, I left their about 10:00 pm. last night, freshly bathed, and needed to shower again before the bus came at 10:30 pm., just from the heat and humidity. By this morning, when I got up at 9:00 am. the shed had gone from sauna to steam room and even my sleeping clothes felt 'moist'.

I am being taken to lunch today at one of the restaurants that was a frequent after-whatever destination for all the kids in some of the groups I used to hang out with back in and just after High School, the Golden Dragon on Liberty Road in Milford Mill. We terrorized the poor staff with bad jokes and rowdy behavior, (but they loved our money, so we were never banned...lol!).

{"Do you serve 'Mousey Tongue'?"....[Mao Tse Tong]...}

My hostess is my very first girlfriend, Patti G., circa 1973 who reached me by e-mail after her mother saw the Jewish Times with me on the cover. we stayed friend,but lost touch about 20 years ago. I am both excited and nervous about seeing her again, both because of the time that has passed and the situation I am in. It's not exactly the reunion I had pictured.

Another reason for my anxiety and hovering depression, (besides the things I whined about the other day...lol), is that I realized that the hearing that was postponed from my May court date is approaching rapidly, sometime in early August, (I hope!!!! I cannot find my paperwork!!! Sh*t..Sh*t..Sh*t!)

I was in the Giant earlier this morning and had just walked in and was preparing my coffee when a woman says hello and asks how everything is. I was still trying to get my eyes clear and get them to focus so it took a minute to register who she was. It was Rifka P. who is a friend of the 'ex', frum, and one of the few people who I met through her that I can consider a friend of mine. We had short chat and I realized as we were talking about how much the kids have grown, (she told me she now has to look up to her 13 year old son...lol), that it had been 8 years already since we had met.

I walked over to the deli counter to pick up some lunch meat and over heard a woman asking one of the cooks if she had to take a number, and when he pointed out where the dispenser was, down at the other end, she started towards it. She was using a cane, (one of two), and the shopping cart to balance and support herself so I grabbed 2 tickets and gave her the first, lower, one to save her the walk down and back. Now this i something that to my mind anyone would do as a matter of normal courtesy and common decency, (and even if someone was not handicapped I would most likely grab 2 tickets anyway, though I probably would keep the lower number for myself...lol). This woman was so amazed that I did this that she would not thanking me, it got to be embarrassing. She told me she has been shouldered aside by able bodied woman and men of all ages and races, especially on a Friday here at the Pikesville store. I'm sorry, but I don't understand how some people can be such jerks when it takes more effort to be an asshole than to do the decent thing. And I am not talking about criminals, addicts, etc., but the average everyday idiot. I don't understand it, but I am used to and expect it...just ride the bus or the subway and listen to the conversations, live and cell phone, 80% of what you'll hear is negative in some way or another. Hell, as much as I bitch and moan at times, (and I believe I have both right and reason), I'm still less miserable than some of these people who are better off as regards residence, finance, and health! The lack of gratitude and appreciation, and perspective also, runs rampant through out Baltimore. People wonder why the schools are in such bad shape, with discipline and attitude problems...with bullying of the disabled, or those who want to learn..ride the bus and listen to the parents. The prison attitude carries over onto the street and is evidenced by the dress and footwear you can see every day...pants to the mid thigh, boxers and asses hanging out.....and what says 'jail' more than walking around the mall in shower shoes with socks on!

Okayyyyyy, a bit of a tangent there...again...lol...sorry , sermons over.

I'll be back tomorrow with the details...and menu..lol, of my lunch date.

Later.............Dave

"Vanishing Act.................."

Good Evening;

Well today was just foreplay, the dirty deed will be done on Friday the 30th of July. I had some weird but welcome news though. My Hepatitis C has somehow become undetectable through the many blood tests that were run to determine the level of the virus and liver function. The liver functions came back as normal and the viral load as too low to be detected. The doctor does not know exactly how or why, but we are both pleased. The liver biopsy I had done in 2006 said it was fairly well advanced, but nothing has progressed, nor has it regenerated, it just stopped in it's tracks.

ANOTHER REASON TO BE GRATEFUL!

Back tomorrow morning..........................Dave

" Say Cheese..............Or.....What's Up, (there).....Doc?........."

Good Morning;

So....could you tell I was having a bad day yesterday?.....LOL.

It's not that anything ahs changed today, just that the cloud does not seem as thick or as heavy. I went over to the east side and spent my last $5.00 to get a 'bupe', so I have another day's buffer at least before that stressor goes full throttle.

Next week I have an appointment to get a referral to get an appointment to see someone about getting a prescription for them that will be legitimate and covered by insurance, (Medical Assistance). The glories of the system....hurry up and wait. Everyone says to me, "Oh now you have M.A., or Oh, now you've had you're State examinations...things are going your way,.... now you can get into housing...etc.", and expect immediate changes and improvements. What these well meaning folks don't seem to realize is that NOTHING happens right away, there is almost always another level of bureaucracy to ascend before concrete, discernable results are arrived at. I know this, and keep my hopes at or below a level of reasonable expectation. If I get an answer, (yes OR no), in a year...I will be pleasantly surprised, (and that is in the exopidited program!).

Well I'm off to my 'date' with the doctors for them to shove a camcorder up my butt.....LOL! Maybe there's a way to have them post some still photos here online you all can share in my fun. Hey if one of those morning TV hosts can go live with their exams, why can't I?...LOL!

I'm stopping at Jenn's to shower and make myself pretty, I better get a nice dinner or at least some flowers out of this!..ROTFLMAO!!!!

Later..........Dave

"Another Black Dawn"

Good Morning;

Well it's that time again, all the external stressors are aligned with the internal influences and the physical and mental manifestations of these pressures beating on my body and battling within my mind have cast the net of depression over me.

15 days to go and I'm out of meds & money, and I'm running low on stamps so food has become an issue. The heat and the lack of a place to be most nights is kicking the sh*t out of me. The time I am able to spend inside I am grateful for, but the drastic difference when I step outside and the realization that I am alone again, that I have no place cool to go to lay down, that for all the effort expended...nothing has really changed.....exhausts and diminishes me.

Waking up hot and feeling dirty, when I have just bathed, and more tired than when I lay down deepens the depression and instigates the ideations.

The sheer effort required to not drown in hopelessness takes almost all my strength, and physically and mentally exhausts me.

The facade of cheerfulness erodes, exposing the weaknesses and structural defects within.

I have to go now, back later........Dave

"I'd Rather Be Funny Than PC........"

Good Afternoon;

I just looked at the Sitemeter hit counter for the blog and noticed that visitor #6750 was from Pakistan...............Hmmmmm, could it be that Osama was checking in and looking for tips to decorate his cave, or some advice on Dumpster Diving from the Garbage Gourmet? You gotta admit he looks like a stereotypical gutter dwelling, sterno drinking, dirty, bat-shit crazy, rat bastard, street person!..............LOL!

(And AGAIN, I repeat..to the person who keeps writing in to piss and moan about my lack of....'political correctness', and....'sensitivity to the less fortunate'; and my 'callous disregard of, and ignorance of, the disenfranchised'......:

First-- "Lighten The F*ck Up!"---(That is what LTFU stands for, genius);

Second--"What rock have you been hiding under for the past 20 months?"

Third--Like I said in the reply to your E-mail, (which by the way was so intellectual and well written, particularly in your creative use of profanity and impossible to achieve sexual positioning for the unaccompanied),

"If you don't like what you read in the blog....don't read it anymore"

I'm not going to give you the satisfaction of publishing your comments so you can see your 'name' (?) in print, and the next batch of threats and profanity will get you blocked by Google.

Have a nice day!

Well that was fun wasn't it boys and girls, see what happens when I have too much time on my hands, and, I'm bored, and it's too hot to be outside, and there are computers free....LOL

Later.......Dave

(P.S. ......current count is now 6783 visitors)

"Eskimo Pies and The Titanic and Ice Floes............."

Good Afternoon;

Well, other than falling asleep at 10:30 pm., feeling hot and dirty but so exhausted I slept until 8:30 am., when I awoke feeling hot and dirty and sopping wet, and yes, still exhausted but having to get up and pee or get even wetter from a different source, not much is new.

It is idiot day at the Giant, (an employee's words not mine, though I will not dispute her on it!), and it seems to have spilled over to the outside...I was at the intersection of Walker Ave. and the Giant and library driveway entrances, where B G & E has the road dug up and halfway blocked off, and where some old moron was in such a hurry to make a left turn and pull into a line of cars that was unmoving so that he could block all three thoroughfares that he ran into me as I was crossing the street. I was speaking to a woman who works at the Giant who was crossing from the opposite direction and as our paths crossed the moron started to whip out between the stopped cars and I had to beat on the hood while jumping back and off to the side and he comes to a stop with his right front bumper digging into my left leg. Any further and it would have broken my knee. As you can imagine I gave him a raft of sh*t...no, a Titanic of sh*t!! He starts yelling that he "saw me talking to the lady, and thought he was clear to go"....we were already 1/2 way across the street as it were, each going in a different direction so there was at no time any point where it was clear for him to go. I told him that "I'm able to walk and talk at the same time, even while chewing gum!!", and that, "That handicap tag is supposed to be used for physical disabilities, not because you are an asshole!". He began mumbling something else and drove off to the other side of the library...where he stopped the car right in the middle of the entrance to the parking lot and the driveway to Reisterstown Rd. blocking traffic in all directions, when there were open parking spaces right next to him and sits and waits for his wife to come shuffling outside, where she then proceeds to get into an argument with him, both of them ignoring the horns and comments of the drivers of a dozen other cars they are holding up!

Damn this global warming!!....it used to be in the good old days one could put the incompetent old farts out on an ice floe for the polar bears, or orcas, or hypothermia to deal with!.....(Oh, LTFU all you PC whiners, it's a damn joke.......LOL!)

(Now just as I finished typing the above, a man comes up to the bigoted, racist, psychotic, evil old white haired (w/b)-itch, [look up the word HAG in an illustrated dictionary and you can see her exact image, or Hansel and Gretel, or just think "Bubble, Bubble, Toil and Trouble"], and asks her if he can read the New York Times, while she is at the computer, (which she has had for about 3 hours at least while she has been on or waiting for a computer and not reading), and she says she will be "reading it in a second as soon as she gets off the computer....in 26 minutes", and then starts calling the man a hog and mumbling obscenities both aloud and under her breath when he tries to reason with her, about sharing the paper. Where's an ice floe when you need one!..(or even an ice axe, though it may take some garlic, a wooden stake, a crucifix, and a silver bullet)..I bet her report card was filled with 'Does NOT Play well With Others' !!!!!

Anyway, it is 95 degrees with a heat index of 100 degrees, and thunder boomers forecast for this afternoon. I have no idea what I am going to do today, ( I have a combined 20 minutes left on both phones, so feel free to call...especially if you have a place to stay at the beach, or a swimming pool or even a large kiddie pool and a hose...and a cold beer.....and if you have any and all of the above 'aqua-entertainment resources' & a barbecue grill and charcoal, I can bring a six pack and lunch/dinner!!....and if you are a single female and have them, we can discuss me having your baby!....LOL!!!...[hey, childbirth can't be worse than all the other physical/surgical extremes I've been through...I've already been through the equivalent of a 'C-Section'............LOL!!!!!), other than try to stay cool. (Don't mind me, it's just the heatstroke and low blood sugar and lack of caffeine affecting the remaining partially functioning brain cells I have left). I have not yet heard from Jenn about plans for tonight/tomorrow. I am not in the mood to go down to ARTScape this afternoon and chance the weather. I have not eaten yet and I did not want to pick up anything at the Giant and risk spoilage due to the heat, (I bought some lunch meat last week that had to dumped before I had a chance to eat it), so I may head back there and then right over to the Starbucks, or maybe go to Whole Foods after I get there and spend a little extra for freshness and safety, (unless I do the canned or pouched tuna route, or P B & J,...etc.).

For some reason I am having back problems recently, pain and spasms, and with the heat any walking, especially with my bag/s, aggravates it. I am low on my meds so I am trying to stretch the 'bupes' and not take an extra one unless the misery factor reaches the point where it outweighs frugality.

I'm offline for now, I'll be back at some point...maybe today, definitely tomorrow.

Later.................Dave

"Cold Blooded Critters and Heat Wave Haters.........."

Good Evening;

I am totally fed up with this stupid weather, another 2,(two), weeks of 90+ degree temperatures are forecast. 93 degrees today with a dew point in the 70's means a heat index of 99 degrees. It really sucks taking a shower then having to head back out into the humidity, 20 minutes later I'm soaking wet again. Jenn is about as thrilled as I am and has to deal with the end stages of healing of her latest tattoo on top of everything else.

This morning Jenn and I and the grand brats picked up Rachel at her mother's and we all went out to the Towson library for the 'Critter Caravans, Squeeze and Please Show'. Tortoises, snakes and lizards from small to the giant economy size that we got to touch. Rachel has seen it before so she was only excited, Ed was off the wall, and Devin was thrilled but a little bit more reserved...lol. There must have been 3 to 4 times as many kids and parents than at Pikesville for similar shows, but so much more well behaved. Just because a couple CAN have 6 or 8 kids, does not mean they should, or are qualified to parent them!

We then went to the Giant where Jenn and I took the kids in and we locked Ed and Devin in the shopping cart/kiddie car and bought the fixins for spaghetti and meat sauce and a bunch of fruit, and some frozen shrimp for shrimp salad. After we got back to the apartment and fed her kids chicken nuggets and sweet potato fries...refined palates they don't have...lol!... I made the shrimp salad for Rachel and myself, (and Jenn dived in their too), I started on the ground beef and sausage for the meat sauce. Jenn had 3/4 of a jar of RAGU, (I know, I know, but I seasoned the meats well and 'doctored' the tomato sauce), so it was a quick and dirty deal. The kids gorged on cantaloupe, grapes, watermelon, blueberries and strawberries and I showered. Rachel's mother picked her up about 5:00 pm. and after i had a bowl of spaghetti and some Key Lime pie left over from Tuesday's dinner, I split just as Tom was getting home...and ...here I am until 9:00 pm., in the A/C, when the library closes. It is too hot to travel anywhere, even if I had anywhere to be. I think I have to run over to the really bad dollar store and get some of the cheap batteries for the fan, so I can tolerate the shed tonight. It will be hot! I'll most likely sit outside until after midnight to let it cool as much as possible.

I used one of the ointments that the doctor prescribed on my legs Tuesday after I showered and the damn stuff caused the lesions to begin weeping and bleeding...that's not good! And on top of that, when I was here at the library yesterday there was an Ethiopian woman and her brood of 6 kids, each under 8 and with their own library card number, on the computers and running all over the place. Everytime I ended being assigned a computer they had just left, there would be some sort of tiny bug or fly biting at my lower legs, under the desk. I thought it was just me until some other people started talking about the same problem. And this is in Pikesville not in some shelter or soup kitchen!! I'm going to start carrying around an industrial size spray can of DEET!

I got a call from the doctor's office rescheduling my appointment with the Gastro-enterologist from the morning of the 20th to the afternoon, hell they can out it off 'til next year, I'm not that anxious about getting my very first prostate exam anyhow!!!........LOL! What's the proper protocol for that anyway? Do I bring him flowers and take him to dinner, before or after???.............LOL!!!

Okay, I guess I'm done here for now, everything else is about the same, still playing the waiting game with S.S.A. and the State DHMH. I'm slowly slipping into the downhill slide of a depressive cycle, but gradually this month. Money is down to the $10.00 level, Foodstamps are running about $50.00, prescription meds are good and I've got about 3 days of 'bupes' left. Next week on the most reasonable day, (in regards to the weather), I'm going to the East Monument Street office of JAI to see about a referral.

This weekend is ARTScape here in Baltimore, I may see about jumping on the train with Rachel and checking it again this year, there many free things to see and do, and a kids area sponsored by Target with arts and crafts.

We have been trying to get down to the Inner Harbor to the Kid's Fountain but it has been just to hot to travel by public transportation and all the walking involved. Again, maybe next week if there is a drop in the humidity at least.

I am tentatively supposed to watch the grandmonsters on Saturday morning, it is the interment of Tom's 'little brother' Nico, and I am hoping to slide in Friday evening and crash after the kids are asleep. I am so sick of this heat and the shed in these conditions, that I'll scheme and scam my way indoors almost any way I can, within limits of course. This year, the heat, even more than the cold is beating the crap out of me.....and you remember my constant editorial comments of---"Cold Weather Sucks!!!!!". One of the big things is that feeling of never really feeling clean due to the constant sheen of perspiration or salt residue on my skin.

Now, if I was at or near a beach being gently washed or even thunderously pounded by salt water waves.........well that's a different story.

One day, when Rachel is older....or is going with me.......! I at least have to get away sometime soon for a week or four before I shrivel up and die of dehydration.....adding sand and road salt to a kiddie pool just doesn't cut it! Even the margaritas don't help!.....lol.

I'm listening to a Jimmy Buffet album I've never heard before, "Buffet Hotel" from last year (2009), I don't know how I missed it.

Last night at Jenn's I watched parts of his benefit "Concert For The Gulf" from Gulf Shores, Alabama on July 11th, last night. And I saw on the news just as I was leaving Jenn's this afternoon that BP has finally capped that damn well....."About F*cking Time!!!"!

Anyway times up again, so I'll be back at some point tomorrow with another thrilling episode in the 'The Boring Life Of Dave"............

...................Later................Dave

"Q & A.........As Opposed To ---T & A, S & M, B & D, A & P, B & E, Or S & L...."

Good Afternoon;

Yesterday I never even turned on the laptop at Jenn's or stopped at the library while I was out. I just was not in the mood to write anything for the most part, and when I was things were not conducive to asking to use the laptop. At times the tension in the air both open and suppressed felt like the charged atmosphere outside as the barometer dropped and the humidity rose in the prelude to the coming thunderstorms.

I had spent the night on Monday so I cold be able to wash up before my Tuesday morning appointment with the doctor for the State physical examination for the S.S.I. claim. My new caseworker Shelly picked me up at the entrance to the apartment complex and we drove over to Park Heights Ave. and Labyrinth Rd. (across the street from the apartment we used to live in), and I saw the doctor and had a very brief exam and question and answer session with him. I mentioned that we had met before when I was seeking a legitimate source of supply for my buprenorphine, and that he said he was not interested in me as a patient because he was not a provider under the the P.A.C. program, which was the only insurance I had, and did not want to chance a cash relationship due to my being homeless, but he did not remember. In any case I was out of there in less than 30 minutes and after we talked and I signed and dated the worksheet/schedule, Shelly dropped me back at Jenn's.

Since it was so early I decided to jump right on the metro to Mondawmin Mall and go to Penn Optical for my vision referral...exam and glasses...as they are a walk in store. Well............I walked in and the lights are dimmed to near darkness and there is one girl sitting there with a clipboard who tell me that the next time they will be open is August 10th, and do I want an appointment then or later. I think I'll just get the referral changed to another one of there outlets, since there are 8 other stores in Baltimore or the immediate vicinity. So it was back on the train and over to the Giant near Jenn's where I picked up some lovely fresh mis-priced cube steaks at a huge discount and went back to Jenn's and marinated them in Montreal Seasoning's Smoky Mesquite BBQ mix and later coated them with flour, egg and Panko breadcrumbs.....yeah boy!!! Chicken Fried Steaks!!!!

Edward lost his first tooth yesterday and his strange little brain came up with the idea of a "Tooth Fairy Feast"...(Your guess is as good as mine?????.......LOL), that consisted of Mashed Potatoes, Peas, Pizza, Oranges, & 'Round Cheese'-[the little wax wrapped BabyBel brand cheeses], of which he eats only the Pizza, (if it not too saucy..then I have to either squeeze out the sauce and blot it with a paper towel, or lift off the cheese and do the same).....he is so weird when it comes to food, nothing at all like Rachel was or is, a budding gourmand...lol, even his 2 yer old sister tries and like s more than he does, if he was my kid he would either learn to like or at least eat one hell of a lot more items....or miss one hell of a lot of meals!!

Anyway Tom had taken him to the Giant to get the items for the feast and picked up some of the Bob Evans Side Dishes Mashed potatoes, which went awesome with the CFS!, and he ate the peas...eeccchhhh, and canned ones at that....barf!!!.....LOL!

As I finished packing my clean laundry after showering, I had 30 minutes to kill before I had to leave to catch the bus up to Pikesville so I turned on the Weather Channel to see what the week ahead looked like. As soon as I did so...Beeep---Beeep---BEEEPP!!!!! Severe Thunderstorm Watches and Warnings for Baltimore!!!!!...And of course just as I tried to get out to the bus stop before they hit...Wham/Bam/Boooooom!! I asked Jenn if she minded running me up in the car when things lessened in intensity and she said she could do that. A few minutes later she came back and said she really did not feel like going out after all and I could spend the night instead of tonight, (I am watching the kids this afternoon and evening), I asked Tom if he was sure and he said yeah...but, I still felt that tension that we started off this post with. When the rain stopped (at least for a while) about 10:25 pm. I grabbed my bags and said see ya later and trotted, (figuratively....lol), down and caught the 10:32 pm. bus....and got trapped in the bus shelter at Old Court Rd. when I got off by another cloudburst, and OMG did that shelter stink!! It was like the inside of a really old and nasty bong!! Someone had been smoking weed right before I got there and had scraped and smeared resin all over the place, and when the rain water and the normal street funk and urine smell combined.......you can imagine the foulness of the aroma....but don't bother, you'll only make yourself sick...just take my word for it....LOL!

The shed, when I finally got into it was no longer like a sauna...it was steam bath! The drop in temperature was pretty rapid though once I opened the door and the wind blew through. The roof is warping more and more and what were once drips are now torrents, luckily still about 15 inches beyond my feet and diverted...somewhat, lol...to--down--and--through the walls to the outside...mostly, lol...by the Rube Goldberg arrangement of metal shelving and flattened cardboard boxes.

I got to sleep the first time about Midnight, woke up to a fine spray of water on my leg from the reflected drips, rearranged the cardboard in that area and went back to sleep until 6:30 am. and dozed in and out until I got up at 9:30 am., went to the Giant and came here. It's 2:30 now and I'm heading over to Jenn's around 3:30-4:00 pm. so I'll see you tomorrow.

Here are excerpts from my correspondence that I could not get to copy amnd paste on Monday:

So Hello again,

I saw the post on the bottom about the Beggar bags.... if a stranger walked up to you and handed you a grocery store bag full of stuff what would you wish was in there (other than copious amounts of money)?

HI;

I guess some things that need no refrigeration, and can be eaten cold or hot, and can be resealed if not a single serve item. Also either easy open pop-tops on cans or an inexpensive can opener included. Things such as peanut butter, squeeze botttles of jam, (lasts better than jelly); spaghetti, ravioli, etc., (not the nasty sweet kids stuff, but that is my personal taste...lol); crackers (in a box rather than a bag to prevent crumbling), or Pringles, (same reason); tuna, spam, vienna sausages, cans same as above, or those foil pouches; fruit or applesauce in single serve cans or plastic bowls; fresh fruit that is not too ripe or soft, (and not too much at one time for reasons of spoilage or insects); cookies, snack cakes such as Little Debbies, (or store brands); rolls rather than a loaf of soft smashable bread, canned or bottled juices, drinks or sodas, (V8 type things are a nice change of pace); candy that is less prone to melting or crushing. Some plastic knives, forks, and spoons, some napkins or towels, moist towelettes, salt, pepper, mayo, ketchup, mustard, hot sauce, etc. packs, (all these items can be saved from your visits to carry outs). These are some ideas to consider, as you walk through a food store just think: "storage, weight, spoilage". Of course homemade items are usually welcome as long as you do not make the folks feel as if they are being used as garbage disposals, smaller throwaway containers or ziploc baggies are best.
One thing that add a nice touch is to include a personal note of some sort, a simple human to human contact can do as much to feed the soul as all the food you may give. If you are helping any individual on a semi-regular basis, you may get a feel as to what else may help, socks, soap, toothpaste, razors...etc. these are things everyone needs and most people do not think that we on the street really do buy, (yeah there are junkies and crackheads who will scam you, but observation and your gut feeling will usually guide you, and a little bit of faith can go a long way and do a lot of good.
I think the thing that bothered me most about the 'beggar bags' was the cold commercialism and the feeling of sterile 'do-gooderness'...(my word....lol), about it. No personal effort or thought involved, and it is to make the giver feel all warm and fuzzy about themself not the recipient so much.

Later,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Dave

"The Old In And Out..........."

Good Evening;

Just a quick check in because Tom needs the laptop. I am heading to the State's doctor for the physical exam at 9:30 am. Tuesday morning. I monstersat tonight and am spending the night here at Jenn's.

Here is part of a correspondence I am having with a reader in Baltimore, about homelessness and some of the wants and needs of someone on the street. i will be back tomorrow afternoon.

Later.....................Dave

SH*T....I hate this damn laptop, can't copy and paste normally, it opens pages and sites on it's own....AAHHHHRRRGGGHHH...I'll copy it ayt the libary for you tomorrow..........D

"You Be The Judge....................."

Good Afternoon;

Well I'm at the Towson library because I'm stubborn today and the MTA is an organization managed by morons and staffed by simpletons.

Every bus/train/train/train/bus I have taken or tried to take so far to day has been way off schedule-(very late, not showing, and leaving early), broken or breaking down, or driven by an ignorant, inconsiderate, ignoramus....except the driver of the #8 bus from Lutherville to the library who was courteous and patient above and beyond the call of duty! It took me 2+ hours to get here, and the only reason I started out to come here was that i would get here at 1:00 pm. as they opened and roll out fairly quickly and still have most of the afternoon to find someone/something to do.

There I go making plans again.........LOL!

Well I started out on the journey and it got to the point where not only did I have too much time invested already...I just had to see how long it would take altogether.

Anyway, I'm here for at least another hour and than I guess I'll take the train and bus back to Mt. Washington to the Starbucks and sit until they close at 8:00 pm. It is a good day to sit outside in the shade and the breeze, (it would have a better day to sit outside in the sun at the beach though....lol). The lack of companionship, (other than Jenn and the kids), is starting to get to me again, both the boredom and and lack of casual entertainment and conversation, and the increasing ache for someone and something more than that. It seems to be worse on days like today where there is so much going on in town that I would like to do, but have no one to share it with. (and the side issues of money and a place to stash my bags sometimes also come into play).

Of course Sundays are and have always been a really tough day for me, on the streets and off. 'Family days' are tough on folks who have none, or who are always, and have always felt like an extra, slightly warped and weather beaten limb on the family tree. Or, when invited to share in the familial festivities of others, like the tree limb hanging over the fence from the neighbor's yard, at times it may be enmeshed in the branches of their trees, but when the wind blows and the leaves fall off, the disconnection is obvious.

No longer 'chasing the dragon', or 'driving that train' means that there is hell of a lot of time now blank in my day planner that used to be filled up rippin' and runnin' and just in travel from one side of the city and back, (and sometimes multiple trips). The combination of restlessness and homelessness can be a blessing and a curse. On one hand it adds motivation, or at least desire for change, on the other it illuminates the obstacles to any rapid or sometimes even noticeable change in status, which can feed and fuel the cycle of hopelessness which leads to the attitude of despair that can reduce a normally positive outlook to black depression.

I am not there now, but I am so familiar with the view from the edge of that abyss, I have my own keys to gateway to hell.......(lol?)!

Anyway, I'm still open to suggestions and invitations if anyone wants to hangout this afternoon or evening or tonight. It would be a good night to sit out on a deck/bar with a cold beer or a Tanqueray and Tonic (with lime)!

In fact I just may stop in at "Little Dickeys" here on York Road if there is anybody in there who looks interesting to talk to. They have a $5.00 pitcher of Natural Light special sign out front. It may not be the first choice on my beer list, but...the price works, and I'm more interested in effect today...lol!

Stop in and say hello, actually call me first, I may be gone....lol!

Later.......Dave

P.S..........Two items to respond to from e-mails I received:

1) We did not call 911 for "LC" because thye would not come in to where they live, and one is taken to the ER.

2) www.beggarbags.com , yopu be the judge.

........D.

"Real And Perceived.....Charity Begins At Home(less)................"

Good Afternoon;

What is this wet stuff falling from the sky? It rained like hell for a while early this morning.

Maryland officially went into drought status earlier this week.

The roof and walls of the shed were so dry that the tarpaper and wood had shrunk and contracted so much in places that the water poured in as if someone had stuck a hose in one of the gaps. Luckily for me it was only in places previously damned or diverted so I only got some of the residual backsplash. As the rain slowed to a gentler and more continuous rate of flow I could almost see the wood swelling and the gaps closing.

It started out near 90 degrees in there when I finally went in and lay down last night about 3:00 am., and when the rain started about 5:00 am. the temperature began steadily dropping off to around the high 70s, going back up to 82 or so by the time I got up and moving at 11:00 am.

Yesterday I left here and went over to the Starbucks for a few hours until they closed. I shaved and changed out of the shirt, socks, and jockey shorts that I had put on fresh to go to the doctors and which had acquired a patina of salt and road dust cemented together with dried perspiration and turning any straight edge or crease into either a surgical level cutting edge....or a chainsaw blade.....lol! The humidity was such that 30 seconds after leaving the A/C interior of the bus, (that could have been used as a deep freeze), the skin became beaded with that nasty oily sheen that only an East Coast summer can stimulate. After leaving there at 9:00 pm. I rode the train, (Light Rail), for a while to kill time and stay cool. I noticed a guy I had talked to a few times, also homeless and a fellow addict who was having a hard time putting together and keeping more than 6 months of clean time in a row. He was asking people for money to get cab fare for some emergency, I pulled him up and asked what was wrong.

He ''JT", told me his girlfriend was trying to kick cold turkey and seemed to be experiencing something other than normal withdrawal symptoms and he wanted to take her to a doctor they knew who was sympathetic non-judgmental and knew their history and who was flexible about payments and records, (and in their situation she, the doc, is a treasure more precious than gold, or even dope.......been there-done that!). Something told me this was not just another junkie scam, and I offered to go back to the place they had set up housekeeping under the JFX, {oh yeah, don't believe the hype that the City put out about cleaning out all the homeless folks from under the Jones Falls Expressway, they only rousted the ones who were visible to commuters and tourists downtown, there are hidden from sight pockets of people all along I-83 and the river and the Light Rail!!}, and see if I could help them out.

Well when I got there she, "LC",was a real mess and definitely in more pain and distress than just kicking. We got her up between us and navigated and negotiated the camouflaged exit/entrance and trail to their hidey hole, (which is near and similar to one I used to use back in the day when I was on the street and doing dope and the related deeds needed to acquire it and needed a place to 'go to ground' and disappear at times for various obvious reasons, back in the late 1990s, and before anyone asks, it is way too dirty, primitive and removed to be of any use at this point in my life), and got out on the main road that is only a couple hundred yards (yet a million miles) away and I flagged down a Yellow/Checker cab and used the "Free Ride" certificate that I was given by someone about 18 months ago and have been saving for an emergency. I told the cabbie where to go and had "JT" tip the guy in advance so nobody got screwed, or had thoughts they may be. We had called the doctor's service on my cell phone and she said to meet her at her offices/clinic which were somewhere in the Pigtown area. I was leary of giving my phone number to "JT", I really don't want him calling me and wasting my minutes, he's not a friend and I am not interested in cultivating a relationship. I'm not trying to sound elitist, but I can't afford to associate with addicts at that level, for both my health and sanity, and for reasons of legality and legitimacy, one incident of being with him on a day he is 'dirty' or has just 'boosted' something and I'm screwed six ways from Sunday. I gave him a buprenorphine to try to give him a start again and told them I'd check back next week.

That's one of the reasons I did not get into the shed until 3:00 am. this morning.

When I did get up the first thing I did is head over to RiteAid and drop off my new and old prescriptions. The obstructionist African pharmacist was working and started bitching and moaning that she was the only person there when I said I was going to wait as usual so I said I'll be back in an hour. It's been 3 hours and will be close to 4 hours when I finish here....wonder if it will be done by then? This is the woman who would not verify my Medical Assistance coverage as she is supposed to and Liz from Prologue had to come up and raise hell to get it straight. I'll let you know how it turns out, and if I have to write RiteAid again to complain, and I'm not the only person who has had issues with this woman either.

Okay, get this, another company is trying to make a profit on Homeless folks, under the guise of social conscience.

Thee is a company called "Beggar Bags" that makes up plastic bags with granola bars, mints or gum, Slim Jims, raisins, and sanitizing hand wipes to give out to panhandlers, beggars, and homeless folks, instead of money, that may be spent on drugs, or alcohol......or real food, medications, soap, laundry, personal care items, a toy for their kid, and every other thing that you yourself may need cash for. Why is it that only homeless people spend all their money on drugs and booze? Seems to me there are a lot more upper and middle class people getting DWIs and DUIs.

When an individual or synagogue group, or charitable organization takes it upon themselves to devote their time and effort to make up something like this or hygiene bags, or cold weather bags it is one thing. An honest desire to help, even if at times the concepts of what is needed may be skewed.

When a for profit business charges $4.99 for 4 bags with 99 cents of merchandise, it is nothing but greed wearing a phony facade of compassion!

I just don't buy the hype on their 'about us' page.

And the smugness and attitude of self appreciation that the page conveys that you'll feel just for sticking a hand out a car window with a bag of crap you yourself would not want to get, that in and of itself can be a demeaning gesture and another barrier between the 'nice' folks and those 'street people', turns my stomach.

Cookie cutter charity because, hey, they are not individuals with unique needs and actual feelings anyway, and if they are not grateful, the hell with them.

Just like on theat reality?!?....hah....show "Famous, Rich,and Homeless", when the celebrity do gooder takes a 20+ year heroin addict to an outreach/methadone center and expects him to be "cured" and "fixed" in 2 hours....................yeah...right!

Get a F*ckin' Clue!!!!

Anyway, I'm on my way to the RiteAid, and then the Giant to see what I can find reduced, on sale and discounted, that I feel like cooking, because I am heading to Jenn's for a few hours while Tom is out on a DJ job, to take a shower and eat, (and get a cup of coffee!!!) fo the first time today...(it's now 3:25 pm. and I won't get there 'til 4:30 pm....I'm getting hungry!!....LOL)

Unless I get to the Towson library tomprrow, I'll see you Monday,

Later...............Dave