Good Morning;
How about this lovely weather, 2 beautiful days in a row!
I slept in the shed last night with no problems, no humidity, and no being woken up by the heat just after sunrise for a change.
So Thursday night I slept on the recliner at Jenn's, passed out from sleep deprivation actually, because of the appointment Friday morning at the EndoCentre for my starring role in the new movie..."What Lurks Within?!?!?".....
In preparation for this I drank 2 bottles of Magnesium Citrate, which tastes like the really bad lemonade commonly called 'base' that is found on the fine dining room and room service menus of correctional facilities across the state. After I finished the second bottle, and began drinking the required 4+ liters of Crystal Light, water, and chicken broth..(suggested for the sodium)..I felt as bloated as Rush Limbaugh's ego and was beginning to doubt the efficacy of the product when I was overcome by the irresistible urge to grab a really thick book and a 12 pack of Charmin and retire to the reading room. I was also overwhelmed with gratitude that Jenn and Tom were allowing me to spend the night....and only joking about "charging me by the sheet".......LOL!
Whatever the chemical reaction that is created by the MagCit. and the stomach/intestinal fluids involved, with the pressures created and expelled, they should be researched by NASA or the Air Force......with a technology this simple and this old, there is no reason that we do not have a working 'Flying Belt' ala the James Bond movies, I mean, I coulda used a seat belt on the commode.......LOL!!!
Well after a number of trips back and forth from chair to throne around 2:00 am. I finally fell into a restless sleep, waking up about 6:30 am and on auto-pilot, automatically headed towards their kitchen to brew a pot of coffee. Luckily I caught myself before I drank any, which not only would have screwed up and/or negated the colonoscopy but I shudder to think of the reaction it would have produced within my system...lol. As it turned out, the MagCit. had one last ditch sneak attack left to 'launch'...(hee hee)...but I was able to foil it by a pre-emptive last minute diversionary 'sit-in' BEFORE stepping into the shower...lol!
Alright, that's enough...'bathroom humor' for now.
I jumped on the bus up to Woodholme and the EndoCentre at 9:00 am., arriving right on the dot at 9:30 am. About 15 minutes later I'm in a too small hospital gown, (and for once the 'open back' design made sense...lol), covered with a sheet, laying on my side with an IV in my arm of saline solution and flirting with the nurses , techs, and anesthetist as she starts the flow of Propofol, (the same thing that Michael Jackson was using when he began his 'Big Sleep'), which is hypnotic and induces what is known as a 'Twi-light Sleep'. Next thing I know, I am suddenly wide awake and being offered my choice of juice..(I selected cranapple, if you must know...lol). This is the second procedure I have had when under Propofol, (the first was a series of facet joint injections in the neck and back), and I must tell you that compared to the after effects of most general anaesthesia, (or even recreational anaesthesia...lol), this is the 'cleanest' and 'clearest' in regards to recovery time. If they had not been insistent upon having someone to pick me up and requiring Jenn to sign off on me, I could/would have taken the bus, (though with my luck I'd get the bus with the busted shock absorbers, broken springs, and unpadded seats....LOL!!!), which I did do at the pain clinic at Sinai, telling them my ride was on the way and slipping out when the reception desk got busy...lol.
The results of the test were that not only am I a perfect asshole....I also have one!!
I have instructions to get another test done in 10 years.
Oh....As I was getting dressed in the recovery room, there were maybe another 8 or 10 patients in the other little curtained cubicles also. One of the things you are heartily encouraged to do is to relieve any extra pressure and excess air that was trapped by whatever procedure you underwent, (some are 'lengthier' in both senses of the word, time and depth...lol). The echoes and reverberations were reminiscent of the campfire scene in one of the all time greatest movies ever made..."Blazing Saddles", or the warthog enclosure at the Zoo......lol!
When I got back to Jenn's the very first thing I did was grab a cup of coffee, then take the package of ground beef I had stored in her freezer..(93/07 % fat ratio, normally priced at $4.99/lb., it was mis-priced at $1.99/lb. PLUS it had a $2.00 off sticker on it...I ended up paying 27 cents for 1 pound of the highest quality ground beef in the store! Even though I was unable to stay and cook it that day, I had to buy it and freeze it for later!)..and throw together 3 hamburgers with nothing but SeasonAll in them, (and I ate a good portion of 'steak tartare' in the process too....lol). I ate, dozed, and played with the kids until around 4:45 pm. when Tom came home and then caught the bus to the Starbucks and sat outside there on the back patio until the exterior lights went off at 10:00 pm, (and when the employees were leaving around 9:35 pm. I ran around to the front of the building and saved their asses from a raft of sh*t!! They had forgotten to lock the rear door, and when all the lights inside went off I realized that when I had been talking to Josh as he took the trash out I did nit hear the lock snap shut when he went back inside). I saw that there was a discarded, but still fresh and sealed ham and cheese sandwich on the top of the bag, so I snatched it out of the trash can ASAP. That was dinner last night.
A sat in front of the library and read until about 11:50 pm., finishing both books I was reading and dropping them in the after hours return slot so I would have less to carry, (my back is acting up pretty bad, so I am trying to reduce the strain as much as possible), went to the gas station to use the facilities, (no money-no Keno), walked across the street and passed by the Dunkin Dumpster, (it was already emptied), and into the shed where I set up my bed roll and fell asleep trying to read before 12:30 am. I woke up at 3:00 am. with a backache, took a Flexeril and went back to sleep until just before 7:00 am. when I took my morning meds. I fell back asleep until 10:30 am., because I could...there was no steam room or sauna effect happening...and I was tired out. I came here to the library to contact Jenn by e-mail to see if/when I could get in there for a shower, shave and coffee today. She is out and will get back to me later and let me know. Since then I have been on the computer, here on the Comedy Of Errors that you guys keep tuning in to....(Thanks!!!).... answering e-mail, and messing around on Facebook.
My options are limited today, (and tomorrow), by the total absence of cash, food, and Foodstamps. I have 2 Quaker Oats Chewy Granola Bars and 1 or 2 packs of those little 'touch o' flavor' packets to add to my water bottle....and if I get REALLY desperate....I can always squeeze out the mayonnaise from the little packs.....
HOLD ON....Incoming message from Jenn on the e-mail......
BRB!
Okay!!! She is on her way past here and will drop off the key on her way to get the kids...(from--????).....so I'm gonna sign off here. She'll be by in about 20 minutes and I'll jump on the bus to her place. That is the answer to food for today and a shower. I get my money on Monday and can put minutes on my phone..(I have 3 left on the 410-340-xxxx number.if anyone wants to call)..get a month's worth of meds from Monkee all at once this time so i don't have to worry again like this month, and have some money for Rachel and I when she spends the week with me at Jenn's...also money for laundry, razor blades, batteries, etc.
I'm outta herte dor now....be back Monday, unless I end up in Towson tomorrow...it's a 50-50 chance.
Later.........................Dave
No comments:
Post a Comment