Good Morning;
Well it's that time again, all the external stressors are aligned with the internal influences and the physical and mental manifestations of these pressures beating on my body and battling within my mind have cast the net of depression over me.
15 days to go and I'm out of meds & money, and I'm running low on stamps so food has become an issue. The heat and the lack of a place to be most nights is kicking the sh*t out of me. The time I am able to spend inside I am grateful for, but the drastic difference when I step outside and the realization that I am alone again, that I have no place cool to go to lay down, that for all the effort expended...nothing has really changed.....exhausts and diminishes me.
Waking up hot and feeling dirty, when I have just bathed, and more tired than when I lay down deepens the depression and instigates the ideations.
The sheer effort required to not drown in hopelessness takes almost all my strength, and physically and mentally exhausts me.
The facade of cheerfulness erodes, exposing the weaknesses and structural defects within.
I have to go now, back later........Dave
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