"Long Time Gone.....Saddletramp Rides Again!........................And.............Plop Plop Fizz Fizz..................."

Good Afternoon;

Many thanks to you, Loyal Reader, and to the large batch of new visitors to this little 'Exercise in Exorcism' here, the 7,500 mark has been hit and passed. I know it's not a lot compared to the pros and big time blogs, but it still boosts my ego and self esteem that some of you think I have something interesting to say...(at times.....LOL!!).

I know that the latest surge is from a long lost friend who contacted me on Facebook a few days ago with the "Are you the Dave who....." question. It's been since the mid 80's since Craig and I last talked and we had a lot to catch up on.

(!!!----FLASHBACK----!!!....There were three of us that used to hang around together back in the day who all became father's the same summer, (Shall we politely put it....'unexpectedly'.....lol!), at the same time someone sent us a newspaper article stating..."Marijuana Use Lowers Sperm Count".....LOL!!)

Limited as the medium is using the 'Messaging' function we back and forthed for a good while and plan to keep in touch. He must have posted and or referred a bunch of folks to the blog, who seem to have referred others. Which is the only advertising ever used here, word of mouth, other than the interest generated from The Jewish Times, and Baltimore Magazine articles. As most of you know those brought me into contact with long lost and unknown relatives and shed some light on my roots and a whole 'nother side of my family I never knew about. They also put me in contact with an outreach organization that is working with me on my S.S.A. claim and other things.

Well, today when I sat down at the computer here at the library to check my e-mail, what do I find buried in the junk mail file but a note from a reporter at a local TV station who wants to meet and discuss a possible story about the blog....(and me to I assume....LOL!!!)!!!

As soon as I am sure this is legit, I'll have more details.

Even if it does not pan out, what a hoot!! Another couple of minutes of air time.......without the words or phrases, "wanted in connection, warrants issued, anonymous tips, arrested, or sentenced".......ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!

(it's an inside joke)

Anyway, when I left here yesterday I stopped at Jenn's to drop off my bags and grab a bowl of the Shrimp, Steak, and Smoked Sausage with Diced Tomatoes w/Garlic Basil & Oregano in Rotini......MMMMmmmmmm!!, and headed over to Penn Optical, (AGAIN!!), to the appointment for an eye exam and new glasses. This time I went to the York Road store in Govans because I could not get an appointment at the Mondawmin store, (where I was told 'Walk-ins Are Welcome??!!??), and was told by both Penn Optical and JAI that sibce it was the same chain, I did not have to come back in for a new referral, but could just scratch out and write in the other store's address. Of course when I got there, they were having none of it!

Let's hear it for Incompetence In Action

Bus, Train, bus and bus to get there, standing in the hot sun,and the same back, except at rush hour and I had to wait as 2 busses were so overcrowded that I could not get on...

So I made it back to Jenn's and listened to Ed tell me about his day at school....gee I wish I was back in Kindergarten, any curriculum that has 'Nap Time' and 'Finger Painting' as mandatory subjects is all right in my book! I walked over to the Metro and got on the bis to Mt. Washington and sat at the Starbucks and finally got around to eating breakfast, (at 6:00 pm..lol!), and was craving a sweet and something dairy.....(and we know what a bad thing that is prelude to).....and decided to go for the better grade of yogurt with the 6 active cultures, it was great....BUT!!

I sat outside and read until the light went off out back and caught the bus back to Reisterstown Plaza where I had to get off the bus because of the nauseating odor of this woman's perfume, it smelled like the disgusting odor that wafts out of the black womens' beauty salons where they use lye and all those other harsh chemicals...overlaid with the aroma of rotten fruit! Well by the time I caught the next bus to Pikesville and the gas station I was in agony and severe gastric distress, I barely made it to the restroom. This set the tone for the rest of the night, with repeated trips back to the bathroom. I don't know how I was able to be in such a situation, or why...but even the buprenorphine, [which acts as an inhibitor to motility, like Immodium and Lomotil, (and also other opiates/opiods...which is why so many junkies end up hooked on laxitives too)], I have been taking was overpowered. Needless to say, it was a rough night. I rolled out of the shed around 9:30 and went to the Giant to wash up and by that time the effects of what ever had hit me had dissipated.

I got up at one point just before dawn and threw on my old shoes and stepped out side, and with wind blowing it was actually cold! It is really nice outside now and I am heading over to the coffee shop and thinking about what to eat that will be the least irritating to a tired and aggravated digestive system.

See You Tomorrow.........

................Dave

Happy New Year----L'Shana Tovah

All's Fair....................."

Good Morning;

So just to catch up briefly since Saturday...

The friend I was hoping to meet had to postpone, (she's an ER nurse and it was a night of craziness, multiple injury trauma, and mandatory overtime), but serendipity took over and I ran into an old, old, unrequited,'secret love'. We talked and laughed, (especially when she told me she thought that I had been gay because I never asked her out, and that she would have willingly done so!!!), and cried, (see previous .......LOL!!!!), and caught up on the past 20+ years of life,loves, and lousy timing. we ended up sitting out back of the Starbucks until nearly 1:00 am. when I had to catch the last bus that would let me make the very last bus I could catch to get back to the shed. The romantic angle is not an option anymore, but it felt really good to finally clear the air, and a better late than never ego boost knowing that if I hadn't been so damn passive and shy...( yeah shy, around certain people anyway.....and this was way before the anxiety and panic attacks started to occur).

Anyway, I had a rough night sleeping again on Saturday night, ankles and back hurting, and i could not and did not get up on Sunday until after 1:00 pm. when I had to catch the bus to get to Jenn's to watch the grandkids. I spent the night on the couch and aggravated the back issues because I could not get the jury rigged padding to stay in the right places.

On Monday morning I talked with Rachel and her mother and made arrangements to be picked up and dropped off at the Light Rail around 1:00 pm. We arrived at the Maryland State Fair around 2:00 pm and as we walked in the gate, had our pictures taken, (watch for them soon, as I am going to replace last years Fair pics at the upper left with this years as soon as they are posted on the Front Gate photo website), and headed into the cow barns. Rachel was able to milk a cow and we wandered around looking at the live stock exhibits. She saw chicks pecking their way out and hatching from eggs, and got to touch hour and day old chicks. We saw newborn piglets and kittens, which I could not pull her away from....lol.

Then, after standing in line, (the bane of any Fair, carnival, or amusement park), seemingly forever, we purchased $20.00 'all-you-can-ride wristbands....and we hit the rides!...Oh my aching back.....!! The first ride is always the carousel, but the next was the 'Super Shot'..... Oy Vey!! There are 12 seats spaced 3 on a side around a square column that rises 100 feet in the air....then Drrooooopppppsssssss! Check it out at the link below. It is a blast!!!

www.deggeller.com/deggeller/attractions/attractions_list.asp?cat=spectacular (click on Super Shot picture for full view)

Then (mercifully) back to the kiddie rides where...as we were waiting in line for the 'TeaCups' I said she may have to go on it alone, as Daddy was too big...the couple behind us said that there little girl wanted to ride it also, (and her Daddy was not thrilled about folding, bending, and mutilating himself to fit either....lol!), and did they want to ride it together?

Well from that point on for the next hour and a half these 2 little girls were joined at the hand as they rode every ride together. Her name was Marisa and they were from Havre De Grace where her dad is a DVM. at an animal hospital, who, it turns out went to Milford Mill, and the same junior high and elementary schools 2 years ahead of me, and lived near childhood friends of mine....small world! The girls had a great time and they both wanted to ride the 'Starship 4000', so you know who went with them! (click link above and go to Thrill Rides) This is a enclosed spinning upside down truncated cone where you stand/lean back against inclined boards that are on rollers and which suddenly slide up and back as the whole ride spins faster and faster, with enough speed that you can feel your face distort from the 'g' forces produced by the centrifugal force! Think astronauts in the centrifuge!!

Brad and I took turns standing in line as place keepers while the girls rode the rides. We went our separate ways when the old folks..US!.. needed to sit down and rest out of the sun...(and I now have a slight sunburn on the top of my head due to leaving my hat behind and a buzz cut haircut...lol.). After a $5.00 Mountain Dew...(what a gold mine these concessions must be)...

Rachel and I went to the race track to see the horses and she got to pet one of the Track Marshall's thoroughbreds on the muzzle...these horses really are humongous, as Rachel said!!

We bet a few dollars on the last 2 races, 2 horses on the 9th race, which we watched right at the fence at the winning post. Seeing these beautiful animals running full out and straining with all their might from only a couple feet away is such a thrill; the noise, the power, the dust, the excitement!!! well worth the $4.00 we lost...lol.

The 10th race we watched from the stands, again right above the finish line, but high enough to see the whole racetrack. She was able to see the horses break form the starting gate and head down the back stretch and around the turn and all the way down the homestretch..cheering our 3 horses on. We had a winner this time, the favorite, #2---BluBoy, which Rachel picked because of the name, which paid us $3.80 on a $2.00 bet.....so we were only down $6.20 for the day, but it was well worth the money to watch her experience her first race and develop a memory that we will be able to share.

It was back to the Fairgrounds and another set of rides, then a walk through the Farm Building to look at all the prize winning veggies and fruits, etc. Rachel charmed the young lady who was the 'Honey Bee Queen' and was promoting and handing out samples of all sorts of local honey, so completely and thoroughly that I was the beneficiary of some residual flirting from her....lol.

We then hit the Midway for a bit, where she "won" a stuffed black panther with blue eyes at the 'Fish Pond', (which she named "Eda Tika Parkenstine...?????!!!....LOL!!, and went through the house of mirrors and the funhouse. After that we ate at the Maryland Foods Pavilion, again..what a racket!!!.., and finished up with a final ride on the carousel. There were these 'Relaxing Foot Massage' devices scattered throughout the Fairgrounds, put in a quarter and sit on the seat placing your feet on a metal plate and it vibrates enough to shake your fillings out, I could have saved alot of money by letting her 'ride' these all day and night, she loved them.LOL!! We stopped and saw the animals in the pens by the Md. Foods Pav. on the way out, and across the way is the 'Deep Fried Treats' stand, the last, (or first) thing you see as you head out, (or in), last year we got the Battered And Deep Fried Oreos, and they were outrageously delicious. This year we got the combo with a couple Nutter Butter cookies also....and to be nice about it...they were...okay at best, but not gooey enough and the dough was too chewy. A bit of a let down really.

After the train back to Mt. Washington her mother picked us up and dropped me off at the gas station, where I washed off some of the dust and sweat and then hit the shed, which was reasonably cool. Yesterday, Tuesday, I was supposed to stop by Prologue and get some school supplies they have donated for Rachel, but I had REAL BAD night Monday night, in such pain that I could not get to sleep until morning. Enough that Even the 'bupes', and my muscle relaxer prescription barely took the edge off it. I got up and went to Jenn's because I was out of clothes and needed to wash and shower. I left there about 6:30 pm. and came here to the library. When I got up to leave , my left side and lower bcak had frozen up so that I could hardly walk. I limped down to the shed and crawled in and lay down about 10:00 pm.

I had found a long heavy duty extension cord lying by the side of the road a few night ago which I snatched up on, and which I strung across to the outlet on the building next to the shed last night. Iused it for the small electric fan I acquired a while ago.

Times up gotta go.

later................Dave

"Watch That First Stepppppppppppppppppppppppppppp........."

Good Evening;

I am just getting online for the first time since Saturday and it's 15 minutes until close here at the Pikesville library. I just wanted to let you all know that the State Fair was wonderful and that Rachel had an 'awesome', (Her word....lol!), time. I was blessed by the Keno gods with an extra $20.00 and her mom gave us some cash in trade for also, so for once I was able to not worry about pinching pennies and just have a good time with no worries. We bought the $20.00 all-you-can-ride wristbands and with the big rides costing at least $5.00 @, and the kiddie rides $3.00 -4.00 @, they paid for themselves very quickly. Once we got on the carousel first, for tradition, the very next ride was the "Drop Shot" parachute drop ride! What a thrillseeker she is going to be!...LOL!!! She got to milk a cow and pet some animals and we went to the racetrack ans were right on the rail at the finish line...what a rush for both of us!

Outta time ............later

....Dave

"CRS......OR.......As 'Chicago' Sang....'Does Anybody Really Know What Day It Is?'..........................."

Good Afternoon;

What a difference outside! I left Jenn's around 1:00 pm. and almost went back in and put long pants on...but, I'm gonna wait as long as possible, until the temperature forces the matter, I have a need to be somewhere that forces me to don them, or they are the only clean pants left.......lol.

I ended up going to sleep on the couch last night because the leather?/pleather?/vinyl? of the recliner makes the aforementioned hot flashes and cold sweats even worse. I could not find all the towels and blankets I use to build up and pad over the sags and framing of the sofa, so when I fell asleep about 1:30 am. I was twisted like a freak show contortionist as I tried to avoid all the lovely features that make an old beat up couch a torture device banned by the Geneva Convention, (think Gitmo without the water-boarding.........LOL!), so when I woke up, (or regained consciousness), around 8:00 am. it took me an hour to unstick my eyes and untangle my body enough to make it to the kitchen and turn on the coffee pot and stagger to the bathroom. I had about an hour to myself as Tom had left already, (during the time I was functioning with audio reception only), Jenn was asleep, as was Edward, and Devin was awake but happy and content in 'baby jail' with a sippy cup of chocolate-strawberry milk and 'UP' on the DVD player. I had my coffee and the cold leftover steak for breakfast and by the time I was finished the kids were ready to move about. I fed them PB&J waffles and we watched 'Peter Pan', (2003 version, Rachel Hurd-Ward as Wendy), on the cable together. I took a shower and was on my way out and I asked Jenn to wash my denim shorts for me and I would pick them up on Monday morning when I stopped by early for a shower, before heading over to pick up Rachel for the State Fair. She told me that I had promised to watch the kids Sunday afternoon and evening while she was at a baby shower and Tom was DJing....Duuuuhhhhh, Huh??? I had no memory of this arrangement. Not that I didn't agree to it, but that the damn CRS...(Can't Remember Shit!) is getting worse! If I do not write it down or put it on my phone's calendar when making more than one 'playdate',....forget about it, only the first, most recent date will be stored in my "bubble[head] memory".........LOL.

So, after I finish posting this, it's over to the coffee shop, (and hopefully to meet a certain person and head out for an 'adult beverage', (Jenn was out of everything but juice boxes last night....lol), and some conversation. Then back to the shed and a cool night for sleeping outdoors, at last! (unless I'm invited to a 'sleepover', but even though I spend a lot of time in a world of fantasy....as much as I may wish it...I don't see this one coming true..........LOL!!!)

Tomorrow, Sunday, ( It's very weird, today feels like a Sunday for some reason....of course if you are reading this on Sunday...IT IS........LMAO), I'm supposed to be at Jenn's by 2:00 pm., so I'll either be at the Starbucks earlier, sometime in the AM., or possibly 'sleeping in' until 1:00 pm. or so...(unless of course Hell Freezes Over, or some other such 'fantastic' event occurs and I am coming from breakfast in bed......see above.......LOL!!!!), so I won't be back online with the blog here until Tuesday, since the library here is closed on Sundays, and Monday I'll be busy at the State Fair with Rachel.

So have a Happy and Safe Labor Day Weekend, and if for some strange reason I'm not here before then;

L'Shana Tovah Tikatevu!

Later.......Dave

"Born Yesterday.................. {Actually, The Labor Began Yesterday, I Just Cut The Cord A Minute Ago}................"

Good Afternoon;

Or for me, good morning.... I went to the coffee shop yesterday after leaving here and stayed there until about 8:15 pm. when I heard from Monkee, (who had jury duty and finally made it home) and headed over to her place. The Light Rail and the #13 bus are nowhere near synchronized so of course there was one leaving as the train was rolling to a stop. The wonderful and efficient MTA and the courteous and competent drivers somehow decided that the schedule is really only just an inside joke and I, (and the 15 or so other people there at the stop), waited well over an hour for the bus that was due in 20 minutes, and the next in 20 minutes, and the third in another 20 minutes. 3 buses eventually showed up and by this time there were over 2 dozen people waiting patiently and quietly at the stop. Of course all three buses were standing room only...except for the one which did NOT stop and rolled on past to the quiet murmurs of civilized discontent expressed by the bypassed passengers.

When I did get on the bus after being nearly trampled by the crush of the well behaved and well mannered mob that bum rushed the bus, not having the common sense to let the people disembarking leave the bus first, I was forced to stand, after fighting my way through the geniuses who always stand at the bottleneck in the front of the bus, at the narrowest part, causing gridlock and just staring sullenly at anyone trying to get past. (I think there is a correlation between the amount of boxer shorts or ass exposed and the wearing of shower shoes with socks in public, the rolls of jiggling fat vs. the amount of spandex, added to the number of fake gold tooth covers and the largeness of the watch face on the phony counterfeit bling watches worn, when factored with number of times the word 'yo' is used in a sentence and all variations of the word 'f*ck', the amount of lead paint ingested and the number of rocks of crack smoked, when expressed in inverse ratio to the amount of usable brain cells divided by courtesy, civility, and basic intelligence.) I eventually got to my stop and fought my way to the bus door, where the driver not only stopped in the middle of the street instead of at the curb where he was supposed to, (and had plenty of room to do so), but refused to lower the bus, (and it was a kneeling bus so equipped), for anyone getting off, (not just me)....into the pothole in the street!!!!!

Thank you MTA,...."the revolution will not be televised!!!"

Anyway, I saw Monkee, and after I took care of my business we were on the porch talking and watching the neighbor's kids running around out side at 11:00 pm. at night. None of these darling little examples of 'baby's momma drama-ism' and 'babies having babies' could have been older than 8 years old. They were ducking down between parked cars and rolling their Dollar Store remote control cars and other objects into the roadway as each batch of cars started moving along as the traffic light turned green. It is a tossup if they wanted them to make it across...or get run over and smashed. Their big thrill was when cars would slam on their brakes nearly causing accidents, when they would run into the house laughing. An older child, in his early teens, was riding by on his bicycle and said something to them to the effect that they should not be doing what they were doing and that someone would get hurt. The mother of these little bastards, (and I'm using the term both figuratively and literally), comes rushing out of the house in a cloud of smoke, wide eyed and geeking, and starts screeching and screaming at this young man to leave her kids alone and cussing him out at the top of her lungs....which were pumping out crack smoke with every word. I left to catch the bus, (which was only 10 minutes late), as the night was lit up by the strobing red and blue flashes from the dash mounted lights of an unmarked cop car. Even down the 2nd block and around the corner on North Avenue I could hear her screaming and yelling. I have not talked to Monkee yet to get the juicy details, but I thought I saw a 'paddy wagon' heading that way as the bus pulled off. More info, (gossip...LOL!!), in a later post.

The portion below was finished on Saturday, because the computer cut me off yesterday and the waiting list was so long (30+ people) that no one beyond number 20 was even going to get to sign on!

I made it back to the Pikesville library around 11:30 pm. and sat outside and finished reading my book. The after hours drop slot comes in handy and helps me reduce the weight of my bag a bit, every little ounce makes a difference to my shoulder and my back.

I went over to the gas station about 1:30 am. and played the Keno, with the $2.00 winning ticket I had found on the street. I played the last few games until shut down at about 1:55 am., ending up $2.00 ahead, which I gave to Daniel to repay the loan he made me the other night, so I ended up breaking even. It was close to 3:00 am before I got to sleep, the shed was not to hot and the batteries I bought at the Dollar store enabled me to run the fan. Of course being the cheap-ass Panasonic lead/zinc type I ended up falling asleep with it on and using up most of their charge....lol.

I woke up at 8:30 am. and rolled over to sleep for another half hour until the library would be open, and woke up again at 1:37 pm.!!! Because there was no sun on Friday morning the shed did not heat up as quick or as soon. I came here after going to the Giant and washing up and shaving, and getting a small salad to eat under the trees out in the front. I had a message from Jenn asking me if I could come by earlier that afternoon because Edward had his first soccer practice that evening. (Oh what a picture...all these 5 and 6 year old kicking the sh*t out each other....lol! Jenn said there were a bunch of them who kept getting their hands squashed because they had not yet had it drilled into their minds that it is 'Hands Off The Ball!'.....!!!) I got there about 4:30 pm. and it was Devin and I having a "Floating Tea Party" for the next 3 hours. We had a blast, (I work well at the 2 year old mind level....lol), and I fed her dinner. She and former President Ronald Reagan agree that 'ketchup is a vegetable', she used her finger to eat all the ketchup I squirted in the corner of her plate for dipping her dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets in. She eventually got around to eating one and a half nuggets after I began playing King Kong, AKA, 'eat the airplane' with her!

When Ed got home I feed him while Jenn showered and cooked up the steaks I had bought on sale the day before. After Jenn left and I got Ed into bed with a movie playing on the DVD, I dove into the shower and spent nearly 45 minutes washing, shaving, relaxing, and trying to use up all the hot water. I gotta say the water heater is not only hotter than hell, it is damn near inexhaustible!....LOL

I don't know if I'm running a low fever, it was the residual humidity, the nature of their apartment's airflow, side effects from some or all of the meds, the combination of the hot coffee and the caffeine, and the after effects of the blasts of heat and hot greasy air from opening the oven, or a combination of any or all of these....or if I'm going through 'male menopause' because I've been experiencing hot flashes and cold sweats at irregular intervals. It is really annoying and especially so when I have to change into dry shirts or shorts right after putting them on a short time before.

Anywho.......that ends Thursday through Friday. I spoke with Rachel and she is feeling better, and she is excited about seeing the horse races.

I'll be back later today.....

......Dave

"Too Hot To Trot......................"

Good Afternoon;

It is just nasty outside today, as soon as you take ten steps you are soaking wet. Rachel woke up feeling better but tired, so with the heat and humidity so miserable we are going with the Monday plan for the State Fair. I walked up to the other Giant from Jenn's house about 7:00 am this morning to get some milk and some Powerade and a couple steaks while they are still on sale at $4.99 @ lb. (I would have rather waited until I get my Stamps on the 7th, but they go off sale tomorrow) which I'll cook up when I come back to her house Friday night to watch the kids. I also wanted to get out of their house while she was getting Edward up and ready for school, he is distracted easily enough as it is, and this is still a whole new ball game with no set routines yet.

And I wanted to be out and away until Tom left too, he is frustrated and angry because of work related money issues and slow paying customers, and is barely civil at times and I don't want to have to feel like I am walking on eggshells, figuratively speaking. He came back from dropping Ed at school for few minutes after I had returned from the store, and again as I was packing to leave just after Noon, and the tension was a palpable thing you could almost cut with a knife. It's funny in a way, I can now see how people have said I was back when I was using, (NOT that Tom is, make no mistake about that!!), and no one would know what kind of mood I would be in when I walked in the door, (though with cell phones, texting, and e-mails, Jenn is forewarned most times), and I can see, through 20/20 hindsight my father's behavior in myself.

Is there a case here for the theory that many times women marry men who reflect their fathers in some aspects? In one of the articles from this past winter, while being interviewed Jenn mentioned that; "he, {me}, is no longer angry at the world, and no longer trying to blame everyone or everything"....[and I have paraphrased here], things that I never realized I was doing or saw in myself. Now, looking in the rear view mirror of experience and maybe too much self analyzation, I can see echoes of the past and how the ripples and vibrations I caused as I floundered through life spread, and how they touched and affected other lives and merged and with the ripples they made.....

Anyway, I left there and went to the Metro Subway station and got my monthly bus pass, and caught a bus up to the Giant in Pikesville where I made 2 small purchases, going through the line twice so I could withdraw cash from my Independence account, (the card will not swipe so I cannot go to the ATM at the bank, and D.S.S. wants $5.00 for a replacement card....not happenin'!!), so I now have money for Monkee and for the State Fair with Rachel, (and her mom has generously offered to make up the difference that I have to spend on the full price wristbands...Thank You, "Y'".!!, and Jenn says she has some ride/food tickets left over from their visit Tuesday night, so that will help too.) and to purchase a few few necessities such as deodorant and batteries, and to be able to eat for the next week until the Stamps come through. As long as the Fair and the next 3 weeks of my meds are covered I can deal with having no cash, (as long as my Stamps come through on time), I am not going to stint on the Fair, this is a once a year, lifetime memory building and bonding situation, so whatever Rachel wants to buy, try, eat, or ride...it's covered. We'll even be able to go to the horse races on Monday, which is a bonus as there was no racing today, and she can bet ONE race, choosing the horse by whatever means she likes, be it color or jockey's colors or name of the horse, or number...whatever! (of course if she wins.......LOL!!!).

Until then, I'm just going to try to stay out of the heat as much as I can. The problem being that to get somewhere where I can sit and hang out in peace requires a fair amount of standing in the sun waiting for buses. Oh well!

(Random unrelated comment: WTF is with all the flies at the library? The damn things are only under the computer desks where they are feasting on my legs, they are a bloody mess right now. And it is not just me, I see others swatting and slapping too. There must be a damn nest under here somewhere.This is ridiculous!!!)

I'm going to head out to the coffee shop now, if only by reason of default.

It is a case this time of having money in my pocket that is already spent or committed. Well I probably can squeeze out enough for a cocktail or a beer without upsetting the books, but only if I can find a suitable companion with whom to converse, ...(or...this being Baltimore--'conversate'.....LOL!), and carouse.....you know where I'll be..or call or text on the 410-340-xxxx number.

Or by e-mail, I'll be back here tomorrow.........................Dave

Ya Wanna Make God Laugh.............Go Ahead, Make Plans"

Good Evening;

Well I'm on the laptop at Jenn's, the grandmonsters are asleep, and I've just gotten off the phone with Rachel's mom. Rachel had a fever today and had a bit of a meltdown this afternoon. Poor baby. We may have to postpone the Fair until Monday, (there are no "ride all you want for 1 price" deals on Fri., Sat., or Sun. and there is no way I can afford it otherwise, or want to deal with books of tickets anyway, it is much simpler and convenient to just flash the wristband), if she still feels bad in the morning, or is too tired.

:.-(

I really don't want to go on Labor Day. The crowds are too large and it will cost another $10.00 for the wristbands also. The only plus, (other than Rachel's health, which is the ultimate deciding factor), would be that the weather is supposed to cool off over the weekend with a high of 83 degrees forecast for Monday. I had planned to have Jenn drop us off at the Light Rail after 2:00 pm. anyway, amnd then spen the first few hours in the A/C exhibition halls and out of the sun in the Cow Palace and the barns, etc.

We would then hit the Midway during twilight and dark, when everything looks brighter and more exciting and exotic anyway, like expertly applied make-up and soft lighting can turn a dowager into a Duchess, so does the night and the multitude of colors and brightly flashing lights and loud and lively blaring music turn a creaking, clanking, mundane mechanical device in to a momentary warp through time and space into a flight of fancy and fantasy. The harsh lines of daylight reality are blurred and softened, and fade until memory records a night of magic and mystery, forever fresh and always alive that can be recalled over and over, mellowing with time and distance......and age.

An indelibly inscribed chapter in the mythbook of childhood.

To be cherished and remembered...and retold....., as she takes her children to the Fair, continuing the cycle, and completing her arc in the circle. as her sister is doing with her children.

And which by pure serendipity and synchronicity we both began to continue on the same night last year, unknowing that we were all going to be there at the same night and time, literally bumping into each other at the petting zoo.

Updates on the situation tomorrow.

And now to bed........

Later.....................Dave

"Men At Work ............................... A Spectator Sport!"

Good Morning;

So I never did get that cup of coffee yesterday. I left here and ended up at Mt. Washington around 3:00 pm. and mixed up a packet of the "H2-Go Energy Rush" Citrus flavor in my water bottle and then drank the Mountain Dew a bit later on with my meal of day old Starbucks flatbread panini sandwiches and the assorted donuts from the previous night's treasure dive. (It's always a surprise which variety will be on top of the most accessible bag, one day it's Munchkins, the next it's bagels...yesterday it was creme filled and jelly filled, and a MAMMOTH cinnamon bun, last night it was glazed chocolate cake and plain 'old fashions'. I took an extra 1/2 dozen back to the library with me, to give to Bruce, the Pikesville equivalent of Otis from the "Andy Griffith Show" and another guy I have seen up and down Reisterstown Road, from the Plaza to Owings Mills, who I think is homeless, he's supposedly a caddy at one of the golf courses/country clubs in the area, [and there are 3 that I know of right along Reisterstown Rd. or a couple blocks off of it.]. We were taking advantage of the free entertainment of watching a crew replace the telephone/electric pole across from the library. This is a major set of powerlines here with high, medium, and low voltage cables, local service hookups, and phone, cable TV, traffic control wires and at least 6 sets of guy wires at various angles. It had more lines branching off perpendicularly and going off down Church Lane, plus at least 2 buried cables of some sort and the grounding wire (for lightning protection) heading underground. There were 4 crossbars/spreaders, (3 and 1 ... at right angles) to be mounted at the top. The way these guys manoeuvred their lift truck buckets, over and around and through the live wires was amamzing. I looked at it this morning and they are about halfway done I guess. Maybe I'll have something to watch when I get back from the fair on Thursday...lol.

I watched these guys for close to 4 hours before I started nodding out and decided to call it a night. I walked down to the gas station and Daniel let me in and I used the facilities and we talked for few minutes, then I hit the shed. This was at 2:50 am. and the shed was still hot. I aired it out as much as possible by using the door, swinging it back and forth as a primitive exhaust fan, then went to sleep. I kept getting woken up by some sort of small creature scrabbling and skittering around the walls and the roof. I don't know what it was, (most likely an opossum...[or the niebelungen]..), but the 3rd time I got up and beat on the walls with a stick...it decided that discretion is the better part of valor and scampered away across the lot, claws clicking and clattering on the asphalt, squealing and snarling in annoyance, frustration, and anger............lol.

I was again awakened by the sound and smell of idling diesel engines and the laughter and raucous chatter of a group of workmen around 7:00 am. this morning. This time they were Baltimore County Traffic Control crewmembers doing something or the other along Reisterstown Road near Old Court Rd. the shed had already gotten uncomfortably warm and I tried to get back to sleep but could not. I dozed in and out and had to get up about 8:30 am. when the Sun's rays made the temperature unbearable. I also needed to get to the bathroom and wash my face and try to rinse my eyes of the accumulated crust and dust. I have progressed to the next stage of the summer cold that the grandmonkeys gifted me with, and am dealing with the usual symptoms ranging from alternately dry or watery, itchy eyes, scratchy throat and dry mouth, post nasal drip, intermittent coughs and sneezes, et. al.......

Etcetera...Etcetera....Etcetera,..... as the King of Siam would say.

And of course each of the meds I take list some or all of these symptoms as a side effect.

And we won't even go into the gastro-intestinal delights that have been showered upon me............LOL!...(not)

Any way.... I'm still looking for that cup of coffee, which I probably won't get until I end up at Jenn's at some point this afternoon. I've got 3 donuts left but no appetite at the moment. I have $1.20, enough for a disability daypass on the MTA, and I will be able to get my monthly pass tomorrow, the 2nd, when I get my little bit of cash. I'll also be able to put some minutes on my phone and go see Monkee. Jenn said Tom did get some coupons from Food Lion so I can save $10.00 on the ride wristbands at the Maryland State Fair with Rachel tomorrow. I am spending the night at Jenn's watching the kids and doing all my laundry and bathing. We will be taking the Light Rail right to the rear gate of the Fair, (very convenient if you go).

I'll be back Friday with a play by play of our outing,

Deep Fried Oreos!!!, Snickers and 3 Musketeers Bars!!!, and...PB&Js!!! Corn Dogs, Fresh Squeezed Lemonade, Cold Draft Beer......I can hear and feel those arteries hardening already.....YUMMMMMMM!!!

Later...................Dave

"Summer....Sounds, Sandwiches, Sunshine, Sandcastles, Sleuths, and Subliminal Seashore Speculations..."

Good Morning;

I keep waking up in the early pre-dawn hours thinking it is much later then it really is. I think my biological clock was wound way too tight at some point and messed up it's mainspring! After looking at the time and seeing that it was only 3:35 am. I fell back asleep for a few more hours....waking to sound of pissed off birds and the squawk of a two way radio through an external speaker echoing off the buildings. Mixed into this cacophony was the beeping of a B G & E truck's backup warning device, the shouting, cursing, and laughing of the workmen and the continual grind and squeal of the lift-gate as they unloaded equipment and materiel. In the near distance was the sounds of traffic.....and traffic accidents.....and the clanging and banging of a fuel truck unloading at the gas station. Ahhhh.....the sounds of summer in the suburbs of Baltimore!

After I left here I hit the Starbucks and read and talked with my friend Dave from Whole Foods for a while. Jenn came in for her tea before her homegroup meeting and I made plans to ride back to her house with her and grab some of my sandwiches from her freezer. As I was leaving the coffee shop to head across the street to the church where the meeting is held Katie calls me back and hands me a bag of that day's marked out sandwiches, straight out of the blue with no request on my part. What a sweetheart she is, and she also has that type of smile that lights up a room and makes everyone in range want to smile too. ;-)

What a lovely and deeply appreciated deed that was....Many Thanks!!!!

I ended up having Jenn drop me at the library and gave her some more sandwiches to put in her 'fridge for me for later. I sat outside the library and read and listened to "Jimmy Buffet-Live In Hawaii" on the DVD/CD player. I've slipped into "A Florida State Of Mind" it looks like, the three authors I now have in my bag are:
John D. MacDonald, Carl Hiaasen, and Tim Dorsey.

All writers with stories and characters set in The Sunshine State, all deeply in love with Florida and outraged at the desecration of the environment by greedy developers and crooked politicians and scam artists of all kinds. The 2 younger authors pay homage to the late, great, John MacD, as does Jimmy Buffet at times, as do their characters. C.H. and T.D. write 'comic crime novels', in the mold of Donald Westlake and Elmore Leonard, (who has a few of his books set in Fla.).

One day I'll get back to the Beach and the 'Glades. But for now it's over to the Starbucks with my recycled sandwiches and the reclaimed donuts from the Dunkin Dumpster.

Tomorrow night I am watching the grandkids so Jenn and Tom can go to a friend's anniversary. I've got to wash clothes so I'll have clean items to wear to the fair on Thursday with Rachel. I'll probably shower both day's, just because I can....lol.

I'm waiting to hear from S.S.A. on the documents I dropped off last week, and I'm just waiting for the time to go by until my next healthcare appointments are here. The calm before the storm??

Alrighty....I'm going to go scrounge a cup of coffee somewhere. If push comes to shove I have a bottle of Mountain Dew or 2 tubes of those flavored add-ins for a bottle of water that are also labeled as "Energy Rush", if the caffeine headache (actually it's the 'lack of') starts up. I may have a last coupon for free drink from Starbucks in the bottom of my bag, I likes mah cawfeeee!

Later.............Dave

"The Itchy And Skratchy Show.............."

Good Afternoon;

Well yesterday was a strange day, following a very lousy night. I had made arrangements with Jenn to come over around 2:45 pm. or so to watch the kids while they went to Tom's cousins wedding and the reception afterwards. I ended up staying in the shed until after 2:00 pm. trying to catch up on the sleep I did not get Saturday night., then jumping on the bus and going straight to Jenn's.

After I left the library Saturday afternoon I ended up at the Mt. Washington Starbucks around 6:00 pm., after waiting forever for buses..(what is the point of publishing schedules if the drivers ignore them at will?).. and read and did crosswords, (I was burned out on them for awhile and took a sabbatical from them...I noticed that my thought processes, patience, and concentration were slipping after a period abstinence though. I found out that I can let the physical exercise slide and pay less of a price than if I stop challenging the grey matter).

I was blessed by the kindness of Katie and Josh for their gift of a bag of assorted sandwiches and wraps and an unopened box of the loverly Iced Lemon Pound Cake that was going in the garbage anyway. Thanks guys!! I sat out back and read until the lights went out and then took the bus to the Plaza station and made a short detour to Jenn's apartment and put the majority of the food in her freezer and 'fridge for later this week.

I caught the next bus up to Pikesville and crawled in the shed. I slept for about 3 hours, until 2:45 am., and was woken up by the worst heartburn and acid indigestion I have ever had, (including during the initial phase of my exposure to and infection with Hepatitis, way back in the early '80s), and of course I am out of Tums. It was a miserable night, morning and part of the afternoon. I am also experiencing symptoms of the undefined viral or bacterial gift I received from the grandkids...itchy eyes, scratchy throat, (exacerbated by the BP amd muscle relaxer meds which list such things as normal side effects!!), aches and pains, (on top of those I live with already), and as an added bonus I got the optional 'Gasto-intestinal Package' with included 'Stomach Funk & Cramps'. Anything that has me doing the 'Immodium Shuffle' while taking Buprenorphine is one powerful 'bug'!!!

I left Jenn's at 11:15 pm. last night, leaving instead of spending the night because today was Edward's first day of school, (...oh those poor nuns!!!....LOL), and there would be enough drama and confusion without another body in the confined space of their apartment. I slept poorly again last night, waking frequently at odd hours and then having to rush to the gas station at 5:45 am. to use the facilities. I finally had to get up about 9:30 am,. not rested but hurting, in all my joints and the pressure points of shoulder, hips, kness, and ankles, (I sleep on my side), that were against the blanket covered cardboard. The temperature was starting to increase also, and I am out of D batteries for my little fan.

I went to the Giant to wash up and then sat out back of the library at the picnic table and had one of the bacon, egg, and Gouda cheese sandwiches from the Starbucks and finished off the Dunkin Munchkins from Saturday nights Dumpster dive, washed down with coffee from Jenn's in a Powerade jug. Only 2 more days of this sh*t then I can eat like a human being again.

I'm heading out now to go sit at the coffee shop. Hopefully I'll catch Jenn as she is leaving her meeting and get a ride back to Pikesville tonight.

Later....................Dave

"Food Glorious Food!!..........Wish Sandwiches..........More Please, Sir.................Cheese Burgers In Paradise..........."

Good Afternoon;

Wow, what a beautiful day out there, sunny, breezy, not too hot, not too cool. I sat out at the picnic table behind the library and ate my meal for the day, (an egg, bacon, and gouda cheese sandwich left over from Wednesday--[it spent 2 days out of 4 in Jenn's 'fridge] and a couple of bagels from the Dunkin Dumpster, and a jug of coffee from Jenn's that was pre-sweetened and which I poured over a cup of ice from First watch Cafe), and read for 2 hours before coming in here. Last night the shed was comfortable and even though I woke up around 7:30 am., I had nowhere to be or go, nothing to do, and until Thursday, no money or Stamps to shop with. So I just enjoyed the not too hot temps. and alternately read and dozed until 11:45 am., thinking it was only around 9:30 am. or so.

I spent Thursday night and Friday afternoon watching the grand kids. I rolled out of Jenn's about 9:00 am. to meet Monkee taking the train and the bus over to the Eastside, and when I get there...she tells me not until after 1:00 pm. will she be picking up our meds. So, back on the bus and the train to Jenn's to monstersit until Tom got home about 4:00 pm. and then again with the train and the bus to Monkee's. This time it was 'mission accomplished' and I am worry free, (on this matter anyway), through next Friday. I will have received my little bit of money for the month by Thursday, but I am taking Rachel to the fair that day, so I gave myself some leeway. After I got back to Jenn's, where I had left my bags, I waited until Tom had packed up the kids and went to meet Jenn at Hunt Valley for the last Friday night Family Concert Fun night of the year and then I changed the litter box...(if I don't...it takes a HAZMAT squad to do it before Tom gets to it...LOL!), and showered. I sat and watched a movie from 1976 called "Lifeguard" with a very young Sam Elliot and one of my favorite actresses, Kathleen Quinlan, (she's one of the most beautiful if not the best known actresses I've ever been infatuated with, [for the past 29 years....LOL]...). I had Jenn ring my phone and hang up (I have 1 minute left until the First of September, so this is the only way to use the phone...other than as a watch...lol), to let me know they were on their way home, so I could be out of there before they arrived. I caught the 10:00 pm. bus back to Pikesville, where I sat at the bench at the library and finished my book, ("..'Citizens'..- An Anthology By Science Fiction Veterans" , in both sense of the word, it is a group of authors who are military veterans and acknowledged masters of SF), and chatted with the Baltimore County Police officer sitting in his cruiser and using the library's WiFi. (He must have been on a social networking site and did not want to use the official police Internet connection....lol.) I stopped at the gas station and spent $1.00 (half my total wealth) on the Keno to see if the Goddess would smile on me.....(not this time)! Then hit the shed about Midnight and fell asleep with the light on trying to read. (Thursday night at Jenn's was not a good night's rest)

And here we are again. I am trying to get ahold of Jenn now and see if I can grab a PB&J on my way past tonight as I come back from the Starbucks. I am heading over there shortly with some phone numbers for Josh, one of the barristas there. Hopefully he'll have some sandwiches and/or pastries being marked out and dumped that he can slide my way. If not....well the 'Dunkin Dumpster' should be open for business when I get back here tonight, (as long as I get there before the pizza place or the Chinese place dump their trash and bury the 'clean' bags!). If I'm really in a bind or Jenn is not home, I know that I can get a meal from Rachel's mom tomorrow. And.....if things get really, really desperate...I can jump on a bus early, early, (no that was not a typo), in the morning and go and line up, (if you don't get there early enough the food quality and quantity drops off rapidly!!!), and hit one of the soup kitchens in the city. Breakfast lines begin around 6:00 am. and lunch at 10:00 am. [or even earlier].

So.........I'm open for any breakfast, brunch, dinner, linner, tea, supper, late tapas, midnight snack or after-hours munchie runs anyone cares to treat me to!...And Baltimore Now Has a SONIC DRIVE IN!!!!!!....Pick me up and I'll show you where it is......!

I'll see you Monday, unless I end up in Towson tomorrow....

(only about 5 more weeks and the Pikesville branch will be open again on Sundays!! YAY!)

Later............Dave

"Same Old Song And Dance.........."

Good Morning;

So I never made it to the library yesterday, which is just as well, I had nothing new to say. I spent Tuesday night at Jenn's and left there around 2:00 pm. Wednesday. I decided to take the the first bus that went by and leave it to chance whether I was going to Pikesville and the library or the Starbucks. The 58 came by and was heading to Mt. Washington so I ended up at the coffee shop. I was sitting outside after it closed and it was actually quite cool with shorts on, so I jumped on the next bus back over here. I was in the shed by 11:15 pm. and asleep by 11:45 pm., waking up around 2:45 am., (thinking it was much closeer to morning), to use the tree and went back to sleep. I was up by 7:30 am. wide awake with nothing to do, nowhere to go and no money or stamps to go shopping. I have a few breakfast sandwiches that someone at the coffee shop gave me, so I do have something to eat, and I am going back to Jenn's this evening to watch the grand monsters so there is dinner and breakfast for tomorrow.

My biggest concern now is the fact that I am out of 'bupes' and Monkee may not get more until the weekend. She is going to find out today and hopefully, (knock wood, cross fingers...etc.), will be able to resupply. I am down to less than a dollar until Thursday the 2nd of next month, so she is my 'on credit' option. I tried to call from the courtesy phone at the Giant earlier, (I'm also out of minutes on both phones), but recieved no answer, so she may be at the pharmacy now.

"Nobody Expects The Spanish Inquisition!!!!....................."

Good Afternoon;

When I left here yesterday I stopped at Rachel's house to give her her gift and spend some time with her. She was overjoyed to see me, but had her friend Lily over so I was relegated to second place....lol.

I ended up sitting and having a nice talk with her Mom and getting caught up on the details of her school plans for this year...(homeschooling, and we talked about my desire that she be in a more traditional school sitting next year, and agreed that we will begin trying NOW!! to put all the ducks in a row in order to accomplish this, Rachel was accepted at Beth Tfiloh, which is an Orthodox school I can live with, with modern teaching methods, an excellent secular studies program, and a very impressive number of graduates going on to Colleges and Universities, not just yeshiva or seminaries)...and all the drama and mess regarding the continuing child custody battles revolving around her other kids....(and as poor a father as I may happen to be at this point in time; I am still mile above this sick, psychotic, psychopathic and amazing petty and incredibly stupid asshole she was first married to!! His own children either fear or hate him...or both! Amazingly they are still very loving kids and good siblings to Rachel.).

I left there 2 hours after I had originallly planned and headed over to Jenn's, where I had dinner, did the dishes, showered and then put the kids to bed. For some reason everyone woke up cranky and tired out. The kids are just past the midpoint of a summer cold, I slept poorly onthe couch..I could not get my padding right on the framework...Jenn and Tom both felt crappy too....I'm not evem going to try to guess THEIR reasons....lol.

Jenn came in last night and asked me what I'm doing tonight,can I watch the kids aagain because she was asked to speak at a meeting...well I just checked my calendar and my e-mail, and my dance card is empty again so I guess Edward doesn't get his wish...'that you never babaysit me again , Pop-pop'....heh...heh...heh..... you think I'm strict little buddy....just wait until you start Catholic School next week.....I hope you don't have Sister 'Mary Francis Torquemada' for your teacher!........LOL!

I think she has also booked me for Wednesday and Thursday nights too, and at least one weekend night, so Ed and I are going to be real tired of one another real soon......LOL!

The 'Ex' gave me the hair clippers, so tomorrow morning I am being shorn like a sheep again. I am much ahppier with little or no hair. the only reason I don't shave my head anymore is that without a goatee or some other form of interesting facial hair, (which I can no longer find the patience to deal with, nor do I like the feeling of), I tend to resemble either 'The Goofy Buddha'....or....'Dopey', from "Snow White And The Seven Dwarfs"!

I'm out of time so, I'll be back at some point in the next few days, depending on the rain, the grand monsters and the availabilty of the laptop or the library hours.

Later.........Dave

"Balancing Acts.................."

Good Morning;

Well finally, a decent nights sleep, a reasonably cool morning to wake to, and actually getting up and out by 9:30 am. (without any meetings, appointments, etc. forcing me to get up).

I went to sleep about Midnight and I woke up at 5:00 am. and raced over to the gas station to use the bathroom, but I was able to get back to sleep by 5:30 am., and woke again about 8:30 am. thinking it was 11:00 am. or so. I lay there for an 1/2 an hour thinking and dozing and then got up and tidied up a bit. I was in the Giant by 9:35 and ended up running into an acquaintance from the now closed Starbucks and we talked for a good while. Hearing his story and listening to his voice and feeling his despair, frustration, anger and hopelessness put some perspective back in my life. He has a wife and 6 kids at home, foreclosure on his house looming over his head, cannot find work, and was in the Giant trying to buy milk and whatever he could with the coins scavenged from the house, the car and the kids piggy banks. His need for immediate assistance, intervention, and advocacy, like what my 'ex' was facing, and my own situation in some ways, is being met with a 'hurry up and wait' response. Banks and BG&E will only wait so long.

I spent Friday night at Jenn's with the dirty dishes and the grandkids, and most of Saturday too. Ed and I watched "Bicentennial Man" starring Robin Williams, EmBeth Davidtz and Sam Neill that afternoon. It is based on the Isaac Asimov novella of the same name, and is a very touching, funny and thoughtful film.....even Ed enjoyed it and sat through the whole thing and only talked over a quarter of the dialogue....lol!

I left there after another shower and went to the coffee shop and sat out back after they closed until 11:00 pm and caught the last bus back to the Plaza, then went up and sat outside the library in Pikesville and read until near 2:00 am. because it was too hot in the shed. I slept, dozed, tossed and turned until after 1:00 pm. when the heat forced me out on Sunday, unrested, uncomfortable, unclean, unhappy, and unfed. I went into the Giant and spent the last of my money, (the Foodstamps were depleted Saturday morning when I went to get my contribution to breakfast at Jenn's), on the real low budget Buddig lunchmeats and a bag of rolls, a '$1.00 Special' bag of chips and my Powerade. I then went to the Starbucks and sat there and had my meal for the day and a great conversation with my pal John Erbe, about 'Guy Stuff'...(lol!,)...cars, guns, boats, and electronics....et. al. I sat outside until near 10:00 and made a raid on the trash for some of the breakfast sandwiches that had been marked out and tossed in the can.......(and to Carol, ONLY the ones that had a clean and sealed wrapper with the gas tight integrity still intact...[FYI the packaged are filled with nitrogen or an inert gas at the factory to ensure freshness and color and to retard spoilage, and the bags will bulge slightly when squeezed like a balloon if the seal is intact]....so I am not just grabbing half eaten food covered with coffee grinds and floor sweepings.....{at this point in time}...LOL!). I sat at the library again, trying to read but falling asleep on the bench so I went to the gas station, then the 'Dunkin Dumpster'...(where the donuts are tossed 'en masse' into garbage bags, and then tied and dumped), where I snagged for few donut holes for a snack...(with the heat wave this summer I have not been collecting any donuts for the morning, they tend to melt by the time I get to them, because I seal them in airtight ziplocs to keep out the bugs). I was asleep bt Midnight as I said, and it was very warm, but it cooled off a great deal by morning, and was comfortable when I got up...of course, the day I wish to sleep, and the external factors are correct for it....I Can't!

As you probably have deduced I've reached that stage of the month where I have exhausted all my resources, (and I'm down to the last 2 days of my bupe, the other meds are good until the refill time), and I am scraping bottom. Luckily I have been requested to watch the grandkids quite a few days in the next week or so....so I will not miss too many meals, if push comes to shove. In fact she just e-mailed me that she forgot to ask me about tonight....one less day to worry about and I can stick my sandwiches in the freezer until tomorrow.

I am heading over to Rachel's now, I have gift for her from our cashier friend at the Giant and her daughter, a nice Star Of David pendant necklace that has the center of the star cut out and a small heart hanging inside, she should love it. Carol said she was wondering who to give it to and said she thought of Rachel because she is always so appreciative and grateful, of even the smallest gift.(Now if only I could inject some of that into Edward!)

I have to stop at Social Security and drop off the forms I filled out at Prologue on Friday, it is in a pre-addressed and postage free envelope, but I am going to walk it to the counter. I am not staying to talk to anyone today, I feel very anxious and paranoid talking to people I do not know right now. I may sound okay writing this and in an up mood, but the inside of my head is vibrating like a struck bell and the depression is hanging over me like a damp, heavy, all enveloping fog. Other than seeing my Rachel...and Jenn and the grandkids to a lesser extent, (I really don't want to see Tom, especially if he is in a bad mood), I just want to curl up and be alone. (Thank God for the DVD player...and that Ed can cahnge and play the discs!.....LOL)

I'm out of time...............

Later......Dave

" The Blind Leading The Stupid............."

Good Afternoon;

Well I went to Mondawmin Mall on the train to Penn Optical, where i had been told that a walk-in would be no problem.....and am told that there are no openings for an eye exam before the referral expires on the 9th of Sept.!!!

WTF!!!

The woman looked right at the date of the referral first, as if this is a common ritual. Why would false information be disseminated in the first place? the crazy thing about it is that the store was empty and the optometrist was standing around chatting.

Again...WTF!!!

I just emailed Jenn and she is trying to make an appointment over the phone for me..(I am down to less than 2 minutes)..at another store suggested by the sales clerk that is supposed to be much less busy.

We shall see.....

Updates as they become available!

Later.........Dave

"Aches, Agonies, Apathy, & Agoraohobia..........OR.........If............'Hope Floats'....I Think It's Getting Waterlogged & Overloaded.............."

Good Morning;

So I'm feeling like 2 bags of dead mice today. My whole left side is in pain, as though I was hit by a truck. My neck, my spine and my left foot hurt so bad right now it makes me want to lay down, curl up in a fetal position and either cry or die. My head aches, my eyes feel like they are lubricated with sand and the inside of my mouth tastes as if the Ravens just held a scrimmage in it....then used it as a hamper for their uniforms. I can't seem to focus or concentrate on anything for more than 5 minutes...it is taking forever just to type and re-type, and then correct all the typos in each sentence. I usually don't need it, but....thank goodness for 'Spellcheck'.

I could not get to sleep last night until close to 4:30 am., I woke up at 6:00 am. as usual and fell back into a troubled sleep and then the alarm on my phone went off at 7:30 am. reminding me I had to be at Prologue about 8:00 am to meet with my caseworker Shelly to review some mail from S.S.A. regarding the claim and it's request for reconsideration.

I got there and met her as she was walking in the building and we looked over the notices. I could barely keep my thoughts straight enough to read and then fill out the few lines necessary on one of the forms. I have to go to the S.S.A. offices at the Plaza to drop off and maybe talk with one of the case managers there, but I'm not going to be able to do it today. The date on this form letter states that it must be in by 08/15/10, and one of the other letters says 08/21/10....but right now I cannot deal with talking to anyone or answering any more intrusive, (and at times 'trick' or 'loaded'), questions. I'm going in first thing Monday morning. To tell the truth....right now, at this moment, at this point in time...I really don't give a damn. I'm so tired, physically, mentally, emotionally, and even spiritually...I feel like giving up....on everything.

Hopefully, after a couple cups of coffee, a meal, a shower.....and I don't know when I can get it but the sooner the better!!!!!......6 to 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep I'll be in a better frame of mind and have a more positive outlook.

I watched an old movie last night, from 1954, called "Marty", from a story by Paddy Chayefsky, starring Ernest Borgnine. Talk about art imitating life, this cut way too close to the bone. But it ends on a high note......and a dream that I can share. Sappy...maybe, but honest portrayals of people and their emotions.

I've got to go and get something to eat and drink now before I pass out. I was asked to watch the grandkids tonight for a couple of hours, so that takes care of the shower, and I shaved at Prologue.

It's noon now, and if I can just decompress a touch more and attain at least the facade of stability I may try to stop at S.S.A. this afternoon....no..wait...I'm going to go to the optician and get my eyes examined and order new glasses through the referral I have from my doctor at JAI. (It could be a possible factor relating to the headaches I have been getting!?!).

Anyway.............Later.................Dave

"Breakdown.......Mechanical, Comunications, and Mental..........................."

Good Afternoon;

Well yesterday was a typical clusterf*ck, I was tied up way longer than I was led to believe it would take at a meeting/interview/evaluation for participation in a research program at a major hospital on the Eastside, trapped by the rain (and a bus that never showed up) in a bus shelter, taking an offered ride from an acquaintance...whose car then broke down in the middle of nowhere, with a dead cell phone and unable to get a connection on her laptop, which caused me to miss a meeting with my caseworker....and about a dozen other minor glitches and inconveniences. At some point during the fiasco an envelope containing two $5.00 bills miraculously disappeared from inside a zippered pocket in my bag......

I finally got back on this side of town way too late to even contact Prologue, or shower, shave, and dress to meet a friend to discuss a short term (legal) business oportunity. (Luckily I had told her that if she had not heard from me by 4:00 pm. that I was having some sort difficulty, and would not be showing up....so we will be rescheduling soon). I eventually got to Jenn's soaked from the rain and the humidity and showered and bathed and washed clothes and ate. I ended up watching "Iron Man", (Robert Downey is great!, Gwenneth Paltrow is so cute, and Jeff Bridges as the villian!!....Wow....he's like 'The Dude's' evil twin!!), on DVD with Edward....who has the annoying tendency to want to talk about the most irrelevant things during all the dialogue....lol!

I rolled out about 8:30 pm. and caught the bus back up to Pikesville, where I read until 10:30 pm. then stopped at the Giant to use the restroom and then went to sleep about 11:30 pm. Except for twice having to get up and relieve the built up hydraulic pressure or end up with an unintentional waterbed, I slept (or passed out from exhaustion) like a rock until close to 11:00 am.

This morning, first the Giant, then here. This afternoon I have to meet someone at the coffee shop, so that is the next stop.

Later........Dave

"Generalissimo Francisco Franco Is Still Dead,......But His Condition Is Stable............AKA..................Still No Sight Of Land.........."

Good Afternoon;

Nothing really new or interesting to mention today. No humorous anecdotes or ironic observations or deep (or twisted) philosophical thoughts to offer. I spent the afternoon, evening and night at Jenn's watching the grand monsters and cooked dinner for Jenn and Tom and myself. Did the dishes as expected, and as expected my back and legs started giving out halfway through and I had to stop and sit before I could finish. I did get a HOT!!! shower though, when the hot water heater was re-lit whoever did it turned the thermostat up to a dangerous level, the water could scald a small if he or she turned it on full blast without an adult around. Tom was going to turn it down himself later today. I slept badly, I think I'm going through male-menopause......hot flashes all night long, cold sweats and mood swings, and the padding on the couch slipped during the night leaving me bruised and sore on the hips, and on the neck and shoulder area.

I have to try to meet up with my caseworker tomorrow to review some mail from S.S.A. about my claim.

When get back to Pikesville tonight I'll be back in the shed, (which reminds me I have to stop by the dollar store and get a package of batteries...they are 3 for a dollar, which is a good racket because almost all devices use an even number of batteries so most people buy 2 packs....lol), and the heat and humidity. It is supposed to rain and storm tomorrow so Wednesday night may be reasonable.

if I finish what I am doing today, (details at a later date), I may end up at the coffee shop, which reminds me I owe some thanks to Josh for funnelling some discards my way on a few recent occasions.

Okay, I gotta go, the clerk is on his way back to the office and his computer.....

later.......Dave

"Rain Delays And Flood Warnings.........INSIDE!!!!....................."

Good Afternoon;

Well it was a pretty messed up Sunday...morning, noon, and night.

I left here Saturday and stopped at the Starbucks and sat outside until the lights went off at 10:00 pm. then took the buses back to Pikesville, where I sat outside the library until almost 3:00 am. reading. I went into the shed and the temperature was reasonable and fell right to sleep, only to be woken up at 4:30 am. by the rain and it's subliminal influence on my bladder, I fell back asleep and again was awakened by the rain and the the thunder at about 7:30 am. I fell back asleep since the shed was cool for the first time in weeks and was awakened AGAIN by the rain....and the side of the shed that is basically layers of cardboard boxes collapsing inward in a waterfall of slurry, (luckily just below where I lay down). After patching the hole I lay down and went back to sleep for another hour or so and then just sat up and read for a few hours, trapped inside by the deluge. It was 2:45 before I left the shed yesterday. I headed over to Jenn's to shower and shave and take advantage of the empty apartment for a while since they were going to Nissan Pavilion in Virginia to see Tom Petty and the grandkids were on a sleep over.

She said they were leaving about 3:00 pm. but when I came onto the parking lot the cars were still there at 3:30 pm., so I walked back to the Plaza and killed a half an hour. When I got there the first thing I had to do was my usual sink full of dishes and take out the garbage, which is the usual fee...lol! I then had a sandwich and sat for a while before I took a shower, my feet and back were killing me, from standing over the sink...it's getting worse, and I have had to readjust the schedule of my meds.

I went to shower about 6:30 pm.......and there is NO HOT WATER!!! The water heater pilot light was out, and I did not have the number of their maintenance people at the complex, and not only could I not get down to reach the pilot to light it...I was not fooling with gas in a place that was not my own.

I ended up heating 4 pots of water on the stove and standing in the tub and taking a 'whore's bath'....not really effective or satisfying.....lol!

I left their apartment and caught the 11:30 pm. bus back up to the library and ended up reading again until 3:00 am., ("The Sugar House" by Laura Lippman, a Baltimore writer. Lots of places and people I know of or about in the story).

I slept lousy last night...(this morning)...finally being driven out of the shed by the heat and humidity at 10:00 am., when I went to the Giant, and then here to the library. I am heading over to Jenn's now to cook 2 pieces of beef I had to buy at the Giant, on sale at $2.00 off a pound, and then reduced for a quick sale at another $2.00 off, for a final price of $3.57 for more than 3 pounds of top round steak.....as I have said before...except for the last couple days of the month....food is rarely a problem...the biggest trouble is coordinating the times and places when I have access to kitchen with the really good deals on meat or seafood.

I am watching the grand monkeys this evening as Jenn and Tom are going to her homegroup to help a friend celebrate an anniversary, I am fairly sure I am spending the night inside. Which is agood thing with the predicted Thunderstorms and high humidity forecast for tonight.

See you tomorrow................Dave

".......In The Same Old Groove....Or Should I Say Rut?.........BUT!...Saved By The Belle!!!!!"

Good Afternoon;

To finish the last sentence.....

......and all I really need out of life is to be able to spend more time being a Daddy to my precious little girl.

What I want.....well that is a much more complex thing.

More than the obvious desire for some sort of immediate upgrade in my housing situation, more than the resolution of medical issues, more than the fervent wish to untangle and resolve my financial nightmare, and even more than an answer to the soul eating loneliness that is kicking my ass....

is my desire to be able to provide for my daughter, above and beyond her basic needs, (which are being well met), and to ensure that her future education options and opportunities will be met.

I don't talk about this often, but it eats at my mind and my heart and my soul each and every day.

(And probably contributes to the deepness and darkness of the depressive cloud when it engulfs and envelops me.)

This is why that, unable at the moment to fulfil the role of "Father" to both society's and my own standard, I take every opportunity to do that which I am able, to offer her support, confidence, and unconditional love. Not to spoil her or pamper her, (though I do at times), but to inspire an inquisitive and healthy mind and loving heart and giving soul, and to cultivate and preserve her sense of wonder and amazement.

To LIVE, To LOVE, & To LAUGH!

Luckily her mother and I, (and her mother's 'friend') are all on the same page with this, and it shows in Rachel's attitude and behavior, her bearing and demeanor, and in the reactions and comments of those who interact with her.

She is the reason and the blessing above all other's that keeps the ideations from becoming actions when the pain and blackness are at their worst.

Ha! Another post that went off in a direction that was not looked for......gotta go, I'm heading over to Starbucks now, I'm outta time here..............

Dave

"I'm Back.............."

Good Afternoon;

So, Rachel was picked up by her mother around 2:30 pm. yesterday afternoon, Jenn and the kids got home around 6:30 pm., Tom got home at 8:15 pm. or so, and I hit the road and caught the bus back up to Pikesville at 8:30 pm.

I stopped in the Giant to use the restroom and check out the week's new sale prices on a few things and heard someone call out, "Hey stranger".... it was Jenn who decided at the last minute to pick up a few things that night instead of in the morning. We ended up wandering the store for 45 minutes and finished our chat from earlier in the evening that kept getting interrupted by the kids and Tom and her phone. I sat out and read until near Midnight after she left, then hit the shed. There was less water and wind disturbance from the 2 thunderstorms on Thursday than I expected, and the temperature was blessedly cool and comfortable. I read for another 15 minutes, and barely managed to turn off the lantern before falling asleep. I was so exhausted from a lack of decent sleep at Jenn's, (due to the combination of the crappy couch, [and cable TV and DVD player access, {with a remote...lol}..]..), and the physical and emotional letdown of Rachel leaving and being back out on the street, that except for waking twice and getting up to answer nature's extremely insistent call, I slept and then dozed until almost 1:45 pm. this afternoon. I then hit the Giant and replenished my portable pantry with the items I usually have with me, (some rolls, mayo packs, salt and pepper, chips, Powerade and off brand Poptarts, (which are being discontinued and are reduced to $0.84 a box..Jenn and I are both loading up her kitchen cabinet with them every trip to the Giant..lol), and a tomato, (and some lunchmeat for today).

And..here I am...and I'm out of time on the computer again too.

I just want to say that my 5 & 1/2 days with Rachel were wonderful.....

later.....Dave

"Gone Fission.............OR......Having A Blast.........AKA........Closed For Vacation.."

Good Afternoon;

Well, this is the first day since Friday that I've sat down at the computer. I've been at Jenn's house with Rachel and the laptop is with Jenn and the family in Ocean City, (Md.), on vacation.

It has been too hot to go out on the bus with Rachel with no money or destination, (I was promised cash to be able to do some things with her but that's another story for another day), so we have been staying in the A/C and playimg games and watching the cable and having DVD movie nights. We have gotten no farther than the Plaza Giant to shop for goodies for our dinners except for today. I had to pick up my prescription for BP meds so we stopped here at the library and are going to the Pikesville Giant, hope fully before the next set of thunderboomers hit. I.....WE!! are really enjoying our "Daddy~Daughter Days" even without going anywhere, this is what I.....We really miss the most!

I'm going to let her have some game time on www.PBSKIDS.com now, I'll be back on Saturday.

Later..................Dave

"Hooray For The Paperless Society......................NOT!!....."

Good Afternoon;

Well, this is typical of my luck with government forms and applications....

I was trying to fill out the S.S.I. reconsideration appeal online and the damn computer "burped" and threw me offline as I was preparing to print out the cover letter and form I need to bring to the S.S.A. office....And It Sent The Application Off Without Any Action On My Part!!! Now the system will not let me access the appeal to print the needed forms, saying once it has been filed it cannot be opened again....greeaattttt!

Now I'll go down there without the piece of paper some bureaucrat needs and the whole system will grind to a halt...if they can retrieve my paperwork at all......

Screw it...I'll deal with it Monday...maybe.

Later.......

......Dave

"Spin Cycle Blues..................."

Good Morning;

Yesterday, (Thursday), the library computers were down for an upgrade, and when I was at Jenn's to shower I just didn't feel like dealing with the laptop, and I really was not in the mood to write, nor was there anything new, relevant, or funny to write about.

For some reason I have not been sleeping well the past week, and the numbness and loss of feeling in my arms and legs has returned. This, and the beginning of a downward slide in the depression cycle, along with the heat and humidity...88% at 11:30 pm. last night!...has had me in a state of emotional inertia, a sort of 'neutral negativity'.

While trying to preserve my cash for next week with Rachel, I have been running into a bunch of minor but necessary expenses that has nickel and dimed me to $20.00. I'm hoping to make a trade with her mother or Jenn on Saturday that will gain me some cash. I'll have plenty of food for us, but I need bus money for her, since the disability pass will not allow one to cover the 2 children under 6 that the standard pass will.

I'm watching the grandkids Saturday morning while Jenn does the last minute running around to get ready for their trip to Ocean City, Md. on Sunday through Friday. I'll be staying there with Rachel from Sunday on.

Until then it's just here at the library, the coffee shop a little later on and the shed....the same old rut.

I may be back later...........Dave

"Rush To Judgement Rant........."

Good Afternoon;

I swear that if another clueless, know nothing, white bread and Miracle Whip, suburban do-gooder starts lecturing me about how I should be staying in a shelter or a mission, and looks down their nose at me when I explain MY!! reasons for not staying there, (briefly, in no particular order of relevance; having things stolen, filth, overcrowding, having to leave out at some un-godly hour of the morning anyway, disrespect, lining up to get in hours before the doors open, [and sometimes being turned away when the capacity is met before you get to the head of the line], the drunks and junkies, the smell, lack of dignified treatment and independence, having to worry about lice, fleas, and bedbugs, the noise,...etc...etc..etc..)......I'm going to calf rope and hogtie that individual and take them to a shelter and let them spend the night there!!!

Don't PREACH what you don't know!

Later.........Dave

"Sont Les Mots Qui Vont Tres Bien Ensemble......Tres Bien Ensemble......"

Good Morning;

Yesterday was a "Michelle Day", I was with my caseworker from Prologue in the morning: I chatted with my dear friend, fellow poet, and Funks alumni in the afternoon; and I serendipitiously ran into my friend, artist and art professor, and coffee buddy in the Starbucks in the evening....

All Michelles.....lol.

After leaving the library yesterday I went to Starbucks and read, chatted with Michelle, and Dave, and sat out back in the dark after they closed just thinking and watching the night. I went to the library and tried to finish reading the book I had and then put it in the night return so I would not have to carry it around, but I kept falling asleep and dropping the book, and I only had 10 pages left! I went to the gas station and then the shed, which was not too bad when I lay down. I woke up around 3:00 am to the sound of rain, and again at 8:00 am feeling hot and sweaty and dirty and miserable. This summer's choices of heat, humidity, or a combination of both, on a long term basis, is for some reason making the shed worse than last summer.

I changed all my clothing and had to put my sleeping clothes in the dirty laundry bag after only one wearing, this summer is also costing me 3 times as much in laundry money, at Jenn's or the "all night freak show 24 hour laundromat" in Owings Mills. $4.00 or $5.00, (depending on location) a load adds up quickly.

I was too hot and uncomfortable to eat this morning, (which is a good thing in a way, I need to miss a few meals, and I want to save what cash I have left for the time I am going to spend with Rachel next week...and I don't get my Foodstamps until Saturday), so I just got some coffee to try to kick start my system.... it's not working though....just making me go to the bathroom more....lol.

I'll be back later............Dave

"Plumbing Malfunction Saves The day............"

Good Morning;

Well...at 7:45 am. this morning I was standing on the corner of Reisterstown Rd. waiting to be picked up my caseworker who was driving to and accompanying me to court to day. She showed up a few minutes later and we went to Towson and parked the company car on the lot of the Prologue Outreach house and walked over to the Circuit Court building a couple blocks away. As we approached the building I saw a camera crew and a number of Sheriffs and security guards grouped around the entry doors. I then noticed signs on all the doors stating "Courthouse Closed Today"! The guards said it was due to flooding in the building, and all cases were postponed and summons would be sent out with the new court dates.

Of course Tom saw this but did not mention it because he had the idea I was going to court in the city. Jenn saw it just before I texted her with the news and that I was on the way back to get my bags.

I have been searching on line for information but all I can find is a scrolling banner on the Fox Baltimore, Channel 45, site, with no details.

The Circuit Court's own website has nothing at all.

Just as well, I did not sleep last night for various reasons. Among them, I had a coffee too late in the evening, and nerves.

In fact, I'm going to head off to a secluded corner of the library and try to take a power nap or two.

Later.........Dave

"7,000 And Counting.................."

Good Afternoon;

Okay, I'm back. I spent about 2 and 1/2 hours on buses and trains and waiting time to get to Monkee's and back. I now have a full months peace of mind and supply of my 'bupes'; one major stressor eliminated. I also purchased my monthly bus pass for August, another problem solved.

Now.....the elephant in the room that I have been walking around and trying to ignore has planted itself right in my face and is standing on my foot.

I'm talking about the court date for tomorrow. Someone told me that I look very calm considering the fact that I may face jail time for contempt of court...I told them to look at my fingernails, which are chewed down to the second knuckle!

I am waiting to hear from my caseworker at Prologue regarding some editing of a letter that they are writing concerning my case, and that has me on edge and ready to jump off.

I am spending the night at Jenn's, heading over there late and hopefully the kids will be asleep, so I can shower in the morning. I am supposed to be picked up at 7:45 am. by my caseworker who is going to accompany me, for moral support if nothing else, and maybe speak to the judge if asked.

There was a paragraph in the letter that I feel is less than helpful and possibly even harmful, I am waiting to see if she will delete it.

If not........I may be on my own.

I'm really too tense to write now, and time is up anyway, so I'm logging out and by the grace of God I'll be back tomorrow afternoon.

Later................Dave

P.S. -7,000+ hits on the blog as of this afternoon........ Thanks For Reading everyone

"Fresh Air....?"

Good Afternoon;

Well it's kind of gray and cloudy outside right now, and feels like rain is imminent. It is not too hot but there is a feeling of 'heaviness' in the air, and a sense of anticipation that something is about to happen.

I woke up warm this morning, even though the rest of the shed was not too hot, because I had the little fan off to conserve the batteries the body heat and the air, and the funk, seems to accumulate in the area under the shelves where I sleep. I think a car or truck must have been idling near by at some point because I woke up with a headache and there was a lingering odor of exhaust.

Carbon Monoxide scented air freshener?

Okay the phone just rang and I have to leave immediately to meet Monkee to get my meds for the month.

I'll be back later this afternoon or evening.

......Dave