"Stormy Weather............or.....Play Misty For Me..........."

Good afternoon;

Can anyone tell me what that large, bright, hot, glowing object in the sky is?

Finally!!..Sunshine for more than 15 minutes!

I left here yesterday afternoon to try to get some money, and from the moment I walked out of the library, things just kind of started going to hell. Nothing really major, but just the convergence of all of Herr Doktor Professor Murphy's Laws, Addendas, Codicils...etc.,...etc.,...! Such as, the bus was just leaving as I almost got to the stop; I could not get across the street due to traffic as the Other bus came down the road, and the driver watched me in the mirror as I trotted down to the traffic light where he did stop for the red light...and the ignorant piece of garbage closed the door and pulled off as I got there! a woman, who had called to the driver that I was about to get on, as she was getting off, told me I should call the MTA and the ATU (union) because the driver had said to the bimbo standing in the aisle blocking access and flirting with him.."watch me f*ck with the white boy", well, I could not read the bus number, but I got a look at the driver's 'dreads' and know which one he is....I am about to bring a world of hurt on these arrogant, rude and ignorant morons, in cooperation with a few other dissatified and disgruntled frequent passengers, and the help of today's modern technology, in the form of cell phone cameras and video, voice memo recrding capability of same, PDAs, Laptops, and good old fashioned 'ink pens', and spiral note books and steno pads!! a record is being built of offences, violations, and discriminations,(though we may just focus on traffic law at first).....sorry sidetracked....

The rain had stopped when I had went outside and began again as I waited for the next bus...which was 30 minutes late, and then there were 3 in a row, so I was wet already, when some fool in a Mustang came down Reisterstown Road purposely hitting the puddles and splashing pedestrians...AND people waiting for the bus. To add insult to injury, the bus stopped very abruptly, and all the water that normally would have dispersed across the roof evenly...sloshed forward, and through a design fault, it all pours down RIGHT OVER THE DOORWAY!! Then, at the Metro, of course I missed the connection, and after I boarded the next train it sat in the middle of the tunnel for some unknown reason, for 20 minutes. At the transfer point to the Light Rail, all the UP escalators and the elevator were out of service. When the Light Rail finally made it into the station, after waiting in sight, a hundred yards away, unable to move because some genius had tried to beat a red light on Howard Street and had a fender bender with a City dump truck, no one was hurt, but being a city vehicle it could not move out of the way until a cop showed up and a whatever Dept. it was had a supervisor come out and inspect the scene. Of course when I finally got to the corner...it thunderstormed so hard I could not leave from under the little bit of cover provided by the small tree there without getting drenched, and of course no one was about to open a window in the rain to donate..( I don't blame them)................It was just as if I was Joe Bltzxzxzylpkzxz from the L'il Abner comic strip...the poor guy with the constant black thunder cloud over his head................LOL!!!!

One good thing I did get ahold of Monkee, meds are good til Tuesday at least...whew!!!.

I gotta sign off, and leave....closing time. If I can't get any money to take Rachel out tomorrow, I may go to the Towson Library...if not see you all Monday.

............................God Bless All............Dave

"Amicus Verus Est Rara Avis............"

Good Morning;

I think it must be the weather, about a dozen people, myself included have remarked that they did not sleep well last night. I ended up getting back to Pikesville and my 'villa' about 11:00 pm. I went to the gas station to use the bathroom and catch the weather report on the TV and play my daily $1.00 Keno shot, (not a winner), and then lay down about 11:30, I tried to read for a minute but was exhausted and fell asleep. I woke up, thinking it was around 4:30-5:00 am., looked at time...it was only 1:45 am., and this went on the rest of the night at intervals of about 40 minutes, until I eventually said screw it and got up about 5:00 and rode the bus for a while and went up to the Starbucks.

Yesterday evening I went down to Mt Royal Ave. about 5:00 pm. because Neil said he had a pair of free movie passes for me, and the movie is titled..get this....."My Life In Ruins"....with Richard Dreyfus and Nia Vardalos, I mean, How could I 'NOT!!' go see this film?.....LOL. I was only out there for about 25 minutes before the rain started, and I could tell it was going to be a downpour, so I jumped on the Light Rail, (I picked up $3.00 while I was there, that was coffee and breakfast today, (a half loaf of day old raisin bread, a marked down pkg of deli meat, and a bruised reduced tomato from the Giant..= $1.77), I've still got $0.23 left!!...lol.

I went out to Lutherville last evening and called my friend AnnaMarie from the station and asked if I could impose at the last minute and shower, the humidity had me feeling nasty and I was truly ready to kill for a shower, I almost made it to the house before the heavens opened up and burst, if she had had some soap in the car wash wand that attaches to the hose, I would have just stood in the driveway and let her scrub me down. I was ready to go to one of those self serve high pressure car washes anyway if I had the money, ( I read a newspaper item a few weeks ago about a parent who was arrested for taking his kid to the wash bay and spraying him/her with the soapy water. I don't remember if it was punishment or poverty though,....I remember coming home from a motorcycle race covered in mud and being taken in to the car wash and being hosed down, clothes and all {the bike too...LOL}.)

We had a big pot of Angel Hair pasta and Vodka sauce, I showered, and we watched.."So You Think You Can Dance", and I got the chance to visit with her college age daughters , one of whom calls me her other dad. A nice normal domestic suburban family evening, with the 'woulda/coulda/shoulda' in my life, when we both realised...time and circumstance had intervened, and as Thomas Wolfe said..no matter how much you..."Look Homeward Angel"....."You Can't go Home Again"..!!..Ahhh Welll, 35 years of friendship, we've been through more together than most married couples experience, and although circumstance, situations, fate,...and God's sometime twisted sense of humor interrupted each time at that Oh So Critical point in time where we were balanced on the razor's edge of becoming lovers.....we are closer than many a husband and wife in some ways............!! (And I gotta give KUDOS for a job well done, a single mom who started a day care to get by sends three awesome girls through or currently attending college....and raised the children of her clients, most of whom went on to college.....these are the kids by which/who I judge others of their age/generation, who I want my daughter to emulate.................and she is a wee bit older than me, and still gets taken for her own daughter's....sister!!!!!). She took me to the bus on her way to the gym and I took the Light Rail to the Metro....and......here we are back at the beginning of this paragraph.....LOL.

Had a visitor from Belgium, and another from Canada, eh, today.

I made another new potential friend today at the Starbucks. Hi Nathan!, we exchanged pleasantries and compared tattoos....(He Won....WOW!!!....LOL), and had a nice conversation with his daughter about the 5th grade....brain freeze..is it Kayla??...sorry dear.

I have also been talking every morning with Mitch, who is my counterpart at St Thomas, as mascot, greeter & unpaid employee. Look up the word raconteur in the dictionary and you'll see his picture, the man can tell a story or reminisce in such a way that you really want to hear about the simplest sometimes most mundane things.

Well despite 1)-a total lack of cash, 2)-no food except two slices of raisin bread left, and 3)-being out of meds, and 3.1)-see item 1)............although I am so stressed that you could pluck me like a banjo, the simple act of taking a shower last night has me feeling human again!

And speaking of human...last night at the Metro at Old Court, there were a bunch of young gangsta wannabees waiting for the 77 bus, and blocking the ramp and harassing people, one started saying things such as, what's in your bag, and I oughta take your money...and other things in a similar vein, I just said 'yeah , right' and walked to the bus shelter down the sidewalk, trying to ignore the stupidity, every other word was f*ck, or yo, or nigga, and the whole time he was directly and indirectly threatening or advocating violence. I thought it was just me and maybe I was being overly bigoted or prejudiced...until this other guy comes into the shelter talking to himself to calm down, and saying things like,,'it's not worth going to jail for, and he's so stupid, he's either gonna be dead or in jail in a year anyway' , and we started talking about the mouth on some of the dummies over there. This was a black guy, a big black guy, I mean BIG!!, and he was about my age, so anyone in their right mind is not going to mouth off to him. We both agreed that there is a seriously deficient lack of common courtesy and civility in a certain segment of the urban society that has spread out to the suburbs, bringing with it violence and ugliness. Then my friend Chris, the tennis pro, walks over after getting off the train, now Chris is white, mid-western, and not really 'street smart' in this city's ways, and he come over ready to kick the little bastards ass....LOL.........all three of us can't be wrong!

(I'm thinking of re-activating my membership in the 'Society For Creative Euthanasia'.....their motto is....'Innovative Ways To Reduce The Idiot Quotient In The Human Equation'.......Or......."How To Stop The Peeing In The Gene Pool!!!!")

Act Like An Animal=Get Treated Like An Animal

If I offended anyone, sorry about your feelings...but that's all.

I gotta get out of here, I may have a small job, doing a 'traffic survey', for this lawyer friend in regards to a lawsuit he is bringing to court, sometimes the very thing I ranted about the other day, being ignored, can be advantageous......LOL! He actually approached me with the idea after reading the blog........ So if anyone ELSE has any money making ideas, that won't land me in jail or get me shot....and are NOT labor related....you know how to reach me!

It's Friday so I most likely won't be back today,(maybe.....lol) see you tomorrow.....

....................................Dave

"Would You Like A Little Cheese With That WHINE?????........"

Hello Moron;

Right back atcha:

To the so, so polite person who just sent me the eloquent and concise e-mail asking why (....in 65 curse words or less....gotta tell ya buddy...the old adage, "A poor vocabulary is the sign of a low intelligence" is proven in your case....)I don't go shower at a shelter, (while he himself admits that he would never use one..[profanity deleted])...I'll tell you,..1)-I am still suffering the effects of the Foot Fungus I acquired when I showered at the city's Code Blue facility..2)- I was re-infected with Pneumonia at a shelter..3)- They are just nasty..4)- The odds of one's possessions being rifled, at a minimum, and stolen at the max, are better than even..5)- The one shelter that I would bathe at, MCVETs does not open until 6:00pm, and to get in I have to go to D.S.S. at Broadway and Harford Rd. at North Ave., put up with the guards trying to tell me I cannot bring my bag in, and then watch while they paw through it in retaliation after I stand up for my rights, then sign in and wait for at least an hour and a half, then be assigned a number and wait another hour and a half at least, then tell a bored social worker that all I need is a referral, (the only way other than being a vet to get in), and wait while she/he goes and searches for the same records that the desk looked at, then okays the referral, then I go back out and wait until it actually get written. that's the whole day pretty much shot, and this has to be done every day, unless I can make one of the rare workers with common sense see the reasoning that it is more practical to write a weeks worth at once, (but my case worker left to get a real job so it ain't happening!!). then the shelter does not put the cots out until around 11:00 pm. so there is nowhere to sit other than chairs that exacerbate my back injuries, then the lights go out around midnight, I have problems sleeping so I usually cannot fall right to sleep, about 2:00am. I will fall asleep.....ding.ding ding ding.ding..it's 4.30 AM.!! light on everybody up and put the cots away....and then you can either hit the street or go sit in the gym/rec room for 2 hours when you re thrown out, in folding chairs or those molded plastic airport and waiting room chairs from the '60s...and you cannot sit or lay on the floor????.......OKAY...would you choose this? That's why I don't use the shelters. OKAY I feel better..........I just gotta remember.."you can't argue with a closed mind"..

see you later........Dave

" Life, The Universe, and Everthing..............or......................42! "

Good afternoon;

Just to let you know, I am aware that you, loyal reader are not the type of person to whom the rant in the last post yesterday was directed. I sent it out in an e-mail to a few select addresses that I got off the vehicles of some of the jerks who pretended they weren't staring at me yesterday, along with a bunch of other really annoying forwards.........LOL.

I have realized why I have been more down than usual in the past few days,(besides the fact that the weather, all this fog and rain, has me thinking I'm in England.....and having cravings for bangers and mash, steak and kidney pie, kippers, and toad in the hole....LOL), I am not vain about my appearance, but I try to remain neat and clean as possible, and for some reason I have been having more trouble than usual coordinating a shower schedule, and of course the humidity combined with my not so healthy eating habits at present have me feeling 'greasy', and just uncomfortable. That would be enough by itself, but I am feeling very, very self conscious about my weight and general sense of 'flabbiness' and lack of muscle tone due to a sense of ennui and lethargy that has kept me sitting at this computer way more than usual, instead of all the walking I was doing. Being at point of 'limbo' with everything pending in regards to medical and social work and housing issues, I am traveling less, and eating more, and with the self perpetuating cycle of getting the blues and assuaging them with comfort foods...I have been consuming high concentrations of the 5 Basic Feel Good Food Groups--*Potato Chips..*Donuts..*Mayonaise..*Chocolate..*Coffee..!! with occasional forays into the luxury categories of *Beer and *Cheeseburgers...sometimes broken down into

...Salt/Sugar/Starch/Grease/Alcohol...

healthy..Hell No!...satifying..You Betcha!,

Also on a serious note, I have need to have some dental work done, and could in no way afford it, and none of the insurances I have been able to qualify for covered any of it except cleaning.....which makes no sense when if I could have had the problem teeth removed, they would not be crumbling in my mouth. Well, now my top center two front teeth have just about deteriorated away, and two broken molars are at gum level, THANK GOD!! they are neither infected nor rotten (as in foul smelling)!!!!, but I am so self conscious about them. I am just lucky that my natural smile is not one which shows teeth, (not through conscious action, just my physiognomy),.....but "I" KNOW.

Had a treat this morning, I looked up from the newspaper and saw a tall, thin vision of mochacino loveliness standing staring at me with hands on hips, with a sardonic smile and an expression on her face of, "It's about time you looked up!"!! it was Ashley K. from the Pikesville store, coming to pick up the keys, because she is working here at St. Thomas on Saturday night. A nice surprise and something to look forward to after the library closes Saturday at 5:30.

My dumpster diving for donuts was temporarily interrupted yesterday by the fire at the Pizza Man carry out in Pikesville. I sleep right across the street from it and was awoken around 4:45 am. by sirens from the firehouse, no big deal, as both the volunteer and the paid stations are about 200 yards away and I hear them all the time, but they got closer not farther away, and more and more kept coming. I figuered I better get up and see if the building i am right next to was on fire...(I'm not Robert Fulghum...it wasn't on fire when I lay down............LOL), and across Reisterstown Road were around 15 pieces of equipment, and billowing black smoke pouring out in to the fog. what a shame they had decent cheese pizza, not as good as when it was Mike's Pizza, home of the first Sicilian pizza in the area.............ahh, memories of my misspent youth..............LOL. But the Dunkn Donuts obviously did not open, luckily they were affected only in a minor (relatively) way by the smoke,( the Chinese carry out was hit hard, and can you imagine the problems bressler's dry cleaners have to deal with, all the clothes that were ready for pickup now have to be sent out for at least smoke damage cleaning..), so the cupboard was bare so to speak. Money has been tight the past two weeks, it's either feast or famine, kind of a fiduciary bi-polar dyfunction. It was one of those days last evening, where someone gave me $2.00 right off the bat, and 2 hours later as I was giving up 4 more folks handed me $6.00, for a grand total of....drum roll please...$8.00!..(oh yeah, and a box of Crunch and Munch,[caramel])......ummmm healthy dinner and breakfast!!,(oh yeah, I had some Pringles left too..LOL)

I could not sleep, so I was up at 3:45am and went down to the Labor Ready, just because, not a damn thing available that I could do, and even if there were....there was 12 people for every position that was announced. Of course these jobs are equitably distributed on a first come first hired protocol, with no favoritism.....................uh huh, and the tooth fairy just left me a hundred bucks for the shards of shattered enamel I spit out this morning. If I was physically able to do any work that was available...I really think I might file an affirmative action or discrimination lawsuit......(you figure it out). So I ended up at the Starbucks around 6:30 am. and did my 'Frugal Gourmet', markdown and free condiment thing at the Giant, and drank way too much free coffee, I thought that the darkening of the whites of my eyes meant the liver disease was in an active phase and I was just jaundiced again, turns out my eyeballs are acting like a floatmeter...I'm just on FULL...LOL

All right, I've got to try to find a place to bathe...SOON!!!!!...offers are welcome...I'm serious this time...e-mail me!! I stopped by Rachel's mom's house and picked up some clean underwear, tee shirts and socks, and a pair of shorts, so I can hold off on the laundry another day or two. I had talked to Rachel on the phone the other day, Finally!!, turns out that she was over her grandmother's while Yakira went out to Chicago and then drove back with her new live in boyfriend. Rachel had just picked up 2 kittens and was discussing names for them, she was so funny, with her adult tone and turns of phrase coming out of a 5 year old, I met the kitties last night. This ought to be interesting, the ex can't even pick up the garbage off the kitchen floor as it is, now there is going to be a litter box to empty??? Okay that's not your worry...sorry.

Oh by the way, I'm gonna need a towel when you tell where to come shower at, sorry, mine got ruined when part of the roof caved in on the 'shed' two weeks ago..........

Well, i've got some e-mails to answer, I'll check in before I leave the library to begin the trek in-town to find dinner, breakfast, and med money. If I can get two-three bucks extra, I'm gonna give the Keno a whirl, I'm about "due"!!.......(yeah, yeah, yeah....random..yada..yada..yada, i used towork for the lottery..I know, but they don't figure in the old stand by.....desperation and frantic prayers to:

Fortuna and Tyche; Hermes; Bes & Beset; Nong Kwak; and

Hotei-Bishamon-Benten-Daikoku-Ebisu-Jurojin-Ukurokujo;

and Saint Martin Caballero, Saint Christopher, and Saint Jude;

also; Lakshmi; The Siete Potencias; Moses, Aaron, and Miriam;

The Virgin Mary; and Amaethon; Loki; and The Buddha!!!!

One never knows....do one??..............lol

Okay back soon to check..........Dave

"Better A Bottle In Front Of Me...Than...A Frontal Lobotomy.......or...........D.I.Y. Brain Surgery For Hobbyists........."

Hey;

It's me again,and I just want to say to all those people who stare at me and my sign, and then, when I smile and nod politely in greeting and acknowledgement...look away and act as if I do not exist...you are not ostriches, pull your head out of your asses. Homeless people exist....and we have feelings too!

Closing time,.....bye............Dave

"OOPS I Did It Again.........."

Hello;

Hi to the MICA visitor who is on now.

Also had a visitor from Guatemala yesterday.

bye............D

"Tell 'Em...'Joe Sent You'.........or.......Sergeant Of Arms, Call The Roll.............."

Hi again;

To all the people who stop at the corner and ask me, "how is so and so", or "where has whatshisname been"....Homelessness is NOT a lodge, club, or fraternal organization!

We do not have pass words, secret handshakes, or monthly meetings. We do not have a roster or directory, and do not know every other street person in the city. And while many of us have private languages and special rituals, that is due to schizophrenia, dementia, paranoia, and OCD! And though many of us have and still are 'paying dues', they are not used for a big end of year crab feast....(of course some of these folks could use a good 'crab boil'.....LOL!)

Ever travel on the Light Rail into the city? Look to your right as you come out of the North Ave. stop, immediately, and I do mean IMMEDIATELY after you go under the bridge, just past the MICA kiln and statue of the Buddha. Under the next bridge, up high, look at the encampment of homeless folks tucked away there. They're wedged in the angle of the embankment and the bridge, and you can see some of the creative building done with quilts, and scrap wood and cardboard...not my particular style, I tend to want to live a bit cleaner and less 'pioneer', with an actual set of walls and a roof, and a little less visible, but you do what you can.

Now if it was Florida,

.....as Jimmy Buffet once said.

" Beauty is always in the eye of the beholder,..A sleeping bag under a bridge by a canal....is still waterfront property",

It's all perspective........LOL.

Well I saw this couple

Just the other day

Livin' under a bridge

In a homeless way

Like a million others

Without any plan

Livin' day to day

In the promised land

In this unforgivin' world

there ain't no doubt

It'll chew you up

and it'll spit you out

Lyrics from 'My Barracuda'

(Jimmy Buffett, Michael Utley, Russell Kunkel, Steve Cropper,)

1988

Sometimes I just can't get out of here.....let me try again...

later.......Dave

"Above and Beyond, "You Have The Right To Remain Silent".........".'

Hello;

I just wanted to throw this out there as an example of one of Baltimore's good cops, who is now serving in the Army in Afghanistan. This is from a front page article in Monday's New York Times. An Army National Guard Captain, who is a Baltimore City policeman, Swat Team, became convinced that an Afghan national was being held in a case of mistaken identity and was being falsely accused. He kept up his investigation, even when officially discouraged by superiors, and put the family of the man in touch with a lawyer. He needed to obtain legal help himself for his involvement. This is a who, after 10 years on the streets of Baltimore, is familliar with everybody in the city proclaiming their innocence when they're busted, who was convinced enoiugh to put his career on the line for justice. THAT is kind of man I want policing my city!.........

Thanks for your service Captain Kirk Black...............

................later......................Dave

'The Rain In Spain Falls Mainly On The Insane...............or............The Hell With Waterboarding, Spend A Rainsoaked Week In Baltimore!!!....

Hello;

Rain sucks..Rain Sucks!...RAIN SUCKS!!!....

Yeah, well I'm still here......and did I mention Rain Sucks!?

I am glad that I am not still doing dope, or I'd probably think I was in Seattle, and try to imitate Kurt Cobain.

I was able to acquire enough cash to alleviate my worst stressor yesterday afternoon, (of course it took 2 hours and then it all happened in the last 15 minutes...lol), I have a 'bupe', which will last me for 2 to 4 days, depending on the chronic pain factor. The wonderful thing about this drug is that there is no euphoria involved and it's effectiveness in quashing all cravings, (other than the 'memory of a good time' type, but THOSE I can deal with or at least procrastinate...the first time laziness has been a virtue.....LOL). I had enough left over to actually buy dinner at the Giant, it is quite amazing to find out how far $1.83 will go when buying, left overs, markdowns, over stocks, and day olds. And then there was the Dunkin Donuts dumpster for dessert, and breakfast today. I may not eat healthy, but damn if I'm not going to eat as tasty as I can when I can. To prove a point, I once made a meal for some folks out of..'garbage food'..without telling them where it came from, and got rave reviews! (Everything was safe!!) that reminds me of the meal, particularly the dessert we cooked and served to the Ocean City City Council during their monthly working breakfast when I worked at a better left un-named for Fifth Amendment purposes hotel at the beach. The lemon poppyseed and ..shall we say, 'by product of pressed hemp' muffins were a huge hit, all the motions brought up passed bt acclamation that day, it was the most harmonious meeting they ever held in the '80s. I was asked for my recipes, but I said I did not reveal my secrets....LOL!!

I've got to look for some money...see you later..........Dave

"Defying Gravity.............or..............It's Not The Fall that kills You...It's the Sudden Stop......"

Good afternoon;

And I say that only as a matter of politeness. It's a pretty lousy 'effin day here in "Harm City", and it's been going on since I woke up yesterday at 3:00am. Ever have one of those days that never seem to end, where the voices in your head just won't shut the f*ck up, and the conversation is going on and on and on with the same monotonous monologue, about how it's never gonna get any better so why bother trying, may as well just give up, and all the outside influences seem to echo these words and thoughts all the way down to the actions of others and even the damn weather dumps on you? Where it gets to the point where nothing goes right and everything you touch turns to sh*t, and you just want to take an icepick and jam it in your ear until the noise stops and the pain ends???

It's been raining all damn day and I got soaked in the thunderstorm yesterday evening. I ended up with the grand sum of $4.32, of which I gave a buck away to this old vet, and the rest went to phone calls and todays coffee. I raided the Dunkin Donuts dumpster last night and there were only 3 donuts that were not ruined, so I had them for dinner and breakfast. I was hoping to make enough to wash a load of clothes and find somewhere to bathe, didn't happen. I can't reach Rachel's mother on the phone so I have not seen her, and I don't even know where I going to sleep tonight since the roof is leaking again. It's pouring again, but I've got to get outside and try to find some cash.....sorry to dump on you all like this.........but it's either this or run screaming off the top floor of a building and hoping it's all a bad dream and that I wake up before hitting bottom...either way the pain ends....see you later......I hope....lol....................Dave

"Voices Carry.........[.'til Tuesday].................."

Good Afternoon;

I made it out to the Towson library after all, so I thought I'd get a quick 'fix' to carry me through tomorrow, Memorial Day.

I've got a feeling it's gonna be a rough day, I feel a bit of the 'cloud' of depression descending, and I know that no one I know is going to be around, it's one of those 'family gathering' holidays. I'd find a bar and join all the other barflys, but usually they are old veterans, and this is their one of three days a year to shine, (the others being Veterans Day and Independence Day)....LOL....(and God Bless 'em they deserve it.)

I'm going out to the corner tomorrow, and 25% of whatever I get goes to the NCHV,..(see yesterdays posts), or more if I get lucky with a big gift. I've been giving in an unorganized fashion, but I think from now on, I'm going to choose a different registered charity/cause each week and give them a money order. The clerk at the post office says he will not charge me for the money order and will give me free stamped envelopes for this purpose.

The horoscope in the Sun today said:

Pisces:

"Go out into the public eye in the coming week and stay out of..dark gloomy places..!"

I guess this means I gotta keep outta my own head!....LOL

(guys, guys!!,,,shhh, we'll discuss it later, I'm trying to type here......no ego you cannot slap id 'upside da head'..quiet or I'll start humming "Yellow Submarine" until you behave!!!)

Sorry, sometimes they just won't stop fussing.

In the Baltimore Sunpaper today, Big article on city cops not showing up for trials, sometimes because they just did not feel like it. Now if I get charged with an FTA and arrested, because of a clerical error and record falsification.....why don't they when they choose to avoid showing up voluntarily???

Silly Observation:

Yesterday at the Starbucks, I watched a group of 8 people arriving at the outside tables for some sort of meeting. They showed up in waves of 1 or 2 at a time and consisted of 6 black men ranging in age from about 17 to 40, a black woman about 30, and a confused white guy about 20. They each shook hands in some complicated 'secret handshake fashion', and elbow bumped and chest bumped, and one armed 'man hugged'..(even the woman..LOL), each and every time a new person showed up, they did it all over again..EVERYONE..EVERYTIME! and then the whole group had to wait while the newcomer went inside to get their coffee. I just started timing them out of curiousity, and it took over 40 minutes to just say hello............LOL..and then each time some one left..the whole process started over again. Now this is not that funny or unusual..until you consider that the meeting was a corporate...."Time Management Meeting"......................ROTFLMAO!!!

(Hey I was giving a personel inventory, not making any type of statement earlier, I've watched the "Ladies Who Lunch" and the over the hill jocks do their version too!.......LOL

okay ..........gotta go........Happy Holiday..........Dave

"What Price Freedom...........How do you place a cost on gratitude?.......""

Hey:

National Coalition for Homeless Veterans

www.nchv.org/donate.cfm

God Bless them, We owe them!

Have a wonderful holiday and enjoy the beginning of the summer.

See you on Monday, unless I hit the lottery big time, (then I'm, gonna buy a laptop), or more likely, I cruise on over to the Towson library.

.........Dave

"Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?............."

Good Afternoon;

And a fine day it is for a holiday weekend, I wish that I had somewhere to go to celebrate. If I can find a ride,(no bus service available), I am going to go to the Md. Veterans Cemetery, in Garrison, on Monday for the ceremony, and to stop by my father's grave site. I hope I can find a BBQ, but it's not looking good at this point, everything seems to be family only this year, I guess because of the recession folks are downsizing picnics too. I can not get in contact with Rachel for some reason, her mother has not answered the phone, and since I am out of minutes and calling from a payphone, I'm out of touch. Since the Starbucks closed in Pikesville I have not had as regular contact with quite a few people, who could always find me or leave a message there. I would see Rachel at least one weekend morning for sure.

Speaking of Starbucks, I stopped in the St.Thomas store as usual this morning around 7:00 am. and when I went up to order my coffee, Michael hands me a gift card in a holder/envelope with my name in and said a customer left it for me, and that there was $3.00 left on it. Nobody there at the time knew who left it, it had to be between 11:00 am. and close yesterday though. Whoever you are, and I have 3 good guesses who are probable suspects,...THANKS!!, and if you are a loyal reader who just tracked my there from the blog...DOUBLE THANKS!!..(at least this time it wasn't an "upside da head" greeting.....LOL!

I saw my friend Chris on Thursday night at the Giant about 10:00 pm. as I was making my dinner and he was shopping for dinner,(both single guys, does it show...LOL), and he invited me over to shower this morning. Afterwards we jumped on the bus and went down to the Forman Mill's clearance store, if you need some solid color tee-shirts, 100% cotton, check it out...4 for $5.00!!!.. if I can find some cash this evening, I'm heading back...also..men's Jockey briefs,...3 pr. for $1.99!!!!!!!!!, that's about $10.00 off! and white crew socks...6 for $2.99/4.99...and everyone knows, you can never have too much underwear or socks and tee-shirts.......LOL!

I spent a while yesterday while I was writing the blog having an IM conversation with my old friend Heidi, (who is married to Terry, and they went together for so long and so steadily that they became known as 'HeidiandTerry'..[one word] for years BEFORE they were married...and it's been 30 years since the wedding......I guess it's not a flash in the pan........LOL), it's nice to regain contact with folks you love and be able to pick up almost where you left off. Of course there is a wee bit of catching up to do......LOL, but that should keep the conversation fresh for a while.

They live in San Diego and we reconnected by a Facebook message that started...."Are you the Dave who went to Milford Mill in '74......" This is the second reconnect I have made with Facebook, the other went the reverse, I was the one asking..."Are You...." and hooked up with my friend confidant and former boss and landlord, Janet in New Mexico. (that is quite a combination of 'hats' for someone to wear, take my advice if you are ever in a similar situation and DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT, take it to the next level..girlfriend/lover.....especially when you both live and work in the same building, [in separate apartments].....you wanna talk stressssssssss!!!!....{Oh I better clarify, this was another relationship, Janet and I were/are friends not lovers}. Anyway, Facebook, by way of Jeremy may also have brought some of you here, so it's been worthwhile for me to join, even if I only look at it once in a while.

I left here yesterday and met my friend Longwind, who negotiated the acquisition of my 'bupes', so I don't have to be more than on the fringes of the drug culture anymore. That is a relief on many levels, first and foremost...having meds, but secondarily, I am relieved of the lure of the pull of the adrenaline rush that comes with making a 'scoop', believe it or not that is part of the thrill that comes with getting high, the danger and the subsequent release of endorphins when you successfully clear the area and feel safe. That can be as addicting as the drug, to say nothing of the needle.......if you are totally mystified by what I am saying...GOOD....KEEP IT THAT WAY!!!!!!!!!!!, just take my word for it that I'd rather be begging on the street to stay clean, than making the easy money I know I can get and firing up for free!!

Once again, and probably again later, I'm going to remind everyone that this is "Memorial Day" weekend, and we should not lose sight of the fact that our fathers , sons, grandfathers, uncles, cousins, friends, (and in some cases the female equivalents), and most importantly, total strangers to us, died so we can be here today. Whether you believe in the politics or not, don't forget those who made the sacrifice, sometimes not willing, but fighting and dying nonetheless. And remember also the firefighters and police who lost their lives on 9/11 and elsewhere.

Speaking of police, it's time for my daily rant against idiocy, ignorance and incivility in public service!

Last night about 8:00 pm I was on the corner, about to leave when a cop pulled up to the line of cars waiting for the light. I did not notice the car as it was hidden by another vehicle, or I would have laid down my sign and stepped away. I mean I'm not stupid, I know it is technically illegal to panhandle, and I am not about to flaunt it in a cop's face, ( I like it when we treat each other like a West Virginian treats his teeth.....'Ignore them and they'll go away'...........LOL). He gets on the PA and says, in a very sarcastic tone, "Hey, Homeless guy, find a place to be.", and I could hear him and the other cop cracking up at their wit. I waved in acknowledgement and bent over to zipper shut, and pick up my bag, and I hear "C'mon, C'mon, lets go lets go...", this is about 10 seconds after he made the first comment. As I began to cross the street on the way to the Light Rail, the light changed and he shouts out on the PA, "You're too clean to be homeless". Well I could not see the car to get the number or tag, and I could not tell if he was black or white, but he sounded white, and I shouted back...."You're too stupid to be a cop.....oops I guess we're both wrong." He was in a lane of traffic that was committed to entering the expressway and could not stop, and I really don't know if he heard me or not, but I kinda hustled to the Light Rail stop and got on the '..first thing smokin'...'' and '..got the hell outta Dodge'..!...LOL! Now the funny thing is, I'm wearing a tee-shirt that is damp with sweat and a pair of shorts the are ripped up the side seam 'halfway to glory' if you know what I mean, and i am sweating because it was in the upper '80s and the Sun had been beating down at a low angle. I was slightly covered with road dust, and personally felt very dirty. the part of this story that is ironic is the fact that the car next to me at the time was an unmarked cruiser driven by a fairly high ranking officer of the BPD, who had been talking with me and asking about my situation and my kid and had just given me a buck!

This is not the only example of cops acting like 'pigs' and deserving the derogatory title. I have talked with many folks on the street and in jail for stupid little minor offences that later were dismissed or not even prosecuted, and the result of police egoism and power madness.

I don't go shelters that are served by BPD as security because of an incident 2 winters ago, where a cop standing under a sign that said "All clients of this shelter deserve dignity and respect and will be courteously treated."

sees me walking past with a sports bag with the popular logo 'BUM Equipment Co.', and says "I see you've got your name on your bag" after another security officer pawed through my bag throwing out my food and all my writing utensils and my eating utensils without even asking if I wanted them disposed of or was I going to choose not to enter, which is the written posted procedure, now understand these were NOT contraband articles, just not allowed in the shelter for whatever reason. Another incident of the treatment of the homeless by some cops as less than human, is the bastard who threw me off a 7/11 lot (where the owners told me that it would be good idea to sit outside with my sign),and he said to get out of his area and go down to the ghetto store at Belvedere and Reisterstown and maybe I'd be where I belonged with the other garbage and started slamming his baton against the wall, and threatening to lock me up. When about 6 people, among them the store owner and a Rabbi confronted him, he let go of my shirt which he had bunched in his fist, and hissed, that he'd get me later, well I avoid that area now for obvious reasons unless I am with a witness of impeccable character.

And of course there is the foreign born woman cop who hates the homeless, and tried to cite or 'aggressive panhandling', which, as anyone who has ever seen me s patently a lie and a false accusation, as was the whole report she concocted and which was debunked by witnesses.

Now do not misunderstand me, I know that there are many good, and many, many more mediocre cops out there in Baltimore, but the bad examples, many of whom can be found weekly in the pages of the Sunpaper being accused, indicted, or convicted from everything from sexual abuses, to petty theft, to corruption,to falsifying and changing reports, to perjury (and being banned by the city's prosecutor and the state's attorney from testifying), to civil rights violations, to terminal stupidity. These few paint the whole force with a broad brush....and people who sit in high rise offices wonder why the 'majority population' and others at 'street level', who they see only on their drive back to the suburbs and exurbs don't trust the cops. Get out of the BMWs and Lexi..lol...and ride the bus and listen to the 'conversating'...lol....behind you, then re-read those news stories.

Again I reiterate, not all the cops are fools, I have been the recipient of gifts from cops on and off duty, and I gotta give a 'shout out' to the MTA Police, also known as transit cops or Metro cops, these men and women are consistently polite respectful and courteous, and seeing what they have to deal with on a daily basis, and the lack of thanks they get, (which is less than the city cops get), I gotta give 'em credit.

.......................................gotta sign off now..........more later.............Dave

"Deja Vu?--Presque Vu?--Jamais Vu?--Voo Doo?--Hoo Doo?--Scooby Doo?--Husker Du?........................Or........'Doobie Doobie Doo'.......?.."

Good Morning;

The horoscope for Pisces in today's Baltimore sun:

**A cheerful demeanor may attract plenty of notice. Your friends might keep you hopping with phone calls, impromptu visits, or a stream of ideas. develop new contacts through e-mail or the Internet.**

It seems to me that I've been saying and doing this for the past couple days, and having these things happen,..am I good or what?!?,..predicting the predictions! Maybe I should use my Psychotic, I mean Psychic powers to aid the forces of goodness and righteousness!.....

It's a bird...it's a plane...damn....it's a bird, any body got a

handi-wipe?

So I'm just getting a quick fix in because as you know it's Friday and the library closes today and tomorrow at 5:30 pm., and is closed on Sunday and on Monday for the Memorial Day holiday.

Time for me to get on my soapbox:

Please do not forget the true reason and meaning of this holiday;

Honor those who gave the ultimate sacrifice for our freedom. America may not be perfect, but I'd rather live here homeless than be taken care of in another country and have no liberty.

Most IMPORTANTLY!! do not forget those who served and are now out on the streets, I think the biggest crime this government commits is the treatment of homeless vets!

I'd rather eat out of a garbage can if it means you'll give to a vet. gotta go........Dave

"Second Time Around......or....HELLO, Part Two...."

As I was saying;

I went out again this afternoon and just smiled and projected the same vibe of 'Que sera sera' and right off the bat it seemed to be returned, I guess the fine weather also improves every one's mood. I left after an hour because the angle of the Sun and the reflection off the cars was becoming painful and actually causing a feeling of vertigo and nausea. As I was waiting for the train this kid comes up to me and asks if I'd buy him some food. I asked him if he really wanted to eat or needed to get well? He told me he wanted to get high, but was trying to quit. I gave him half of my last 'bupe' and took him to the store and helped him figure out some things that would keep in the heat and were a decent value and would not get too busted up during travel. I bought him a bus pass from someone who was selling one for a buck and put him on the train. He had a friend who would pick him up in Glen Burnie if he was serious about getting clean, so I called her and arranged for her to meet him at the station. I wished him good luck and God Bless, and told him to do the same for someone else when he asked how to pay me back, he said,"Oh..Just like the movie!" Yeah I said..'Pay It Forward'. One of the 12 step maxims that I still practice and believe in is..'ya gotta give it away to keep it'.

So I still have some cash in my pocket and I'm not going to count it 'til later...kinda like playing poker...LOL...(Oh yeah, I forgot, I bought a Keno ticket last night at the gas station for a buck, and kept 'reinvesting' the $2.00 I kept winning every other game for about an hour and a half, and just when I decided not to play anymore..on my last game, hit for $25.00, so I've eaten decent today, paid a few small personal debts, passed on some of the largess, and put some away for Rachel. I am using whatever I have in my pocket tonight for dinner and breakfast and to search out and buy meds tomorrow. My friend Monkee is still dealing with her personal trauma, and the doctor at Jai is still out...oh well...WTF!...(that's street slang for que sera sera.......LOL).

I am really excited about an upcoming lunch that I have been invited to, I have been having an e-conversation for a few months with a lady, who shall remain Nameless, and have come to look forward to her comments, opinions, and the interest, care and concern she has expressed. She is a reader of the blog also. And get this...we met online on Craigs List...AND SHE'S NORMAL!........LOL. But seriously, I wanted to leave a copy of my poetry at the lobby of the building where she works, and she complimented my ingenuity. I was trying to keep a proper sense of propriety, because there were no plans to meet in our initial contact and ground rules, so I did not want to cross any lines. Well she wrote back and suggested we meet for lunch one day, not a Date, just lunch..(so I am still available ladies....LOL), but it works for me and my self esteem and ego. One of my biggest desires is to be trusted as well as liked, and things like this are an affirmation.

Also, you remember that I met Angela the lady who let me stay in her house and I cleaned a bit for her, well she sent me a supporting note wishing me luck in court. It was nice to know that she is still reading. there is also Mary, who picked me up at the train, took me to her house and let me bathe, wash clothes and fed me cheese steaks..(well her daughter Sam did....LOL). Folks like this are the reason that I keep my faith, however much it may waver at times, it is still enough to make me halt and take a breath, and then another, and one more, and so on until the desire to 'give in to giving up' fades to where I can take back control.

If only I could bottle and preserve for later use days like these, well if industry can trade and exchange "CO-2 credits and pollutant debits" back and forth....why can't I trade "serotonin credits" and "depression debits"?.....LOL

I'm going to sign off now while I am in such fine fettle................Thank You, for reading and coming back for more.....I guess I am either entertaining.....or I appeal to an audience of masochists....LOL..................see ya .............Dave

HELLO

Good afternoon;

It's the little things sometimes that add up to help keep me going. I was in the Starbucks this morning and Jonathan asked if I wanted my receipt, I told him not unless it was one of the surveys that reward you with a free drink for answering, and it wasn't. A few minutes later he and Erica presented me with a few of the survey rcpts., they said that a lot of customers do not want to bother with them but that the register automatically spits them out anyway. So I brought them here, filed them online and now have some free drinks in reserve. Thanks guys.

I was asked why I pay Starbucks prices for coffee when I could more for less at 7/11. Not so!! I pay $1.67 for a Grande drip coffee with my 10% Gold Card, (which is actually black..???) discount and $0 .10 off for using a mug not a paper cup, and as long as a balance is kept on a registered Starbucks gift card, (I had a balance of $0.04 for the longest time), refills are free. I drink about 5 cups of coffee during the course of a day, so my per cup price is amortized at $0.33@. can't beat that!

I left here yesterday afternoon, flat broke..no, I'm wrong..I had $0.32 in pennies rolling around in the bottom of my bag...LOL. I ended up having a good day, in only an hour, and only 7 folks stopping, I left with $30.00. I want to thank the guy in the SUV who almost crawled halfway out of the passenger window and talked with me about clean dates, the wished me luck and gave me a $20.00. Sometimes just emitting good vibes can come back at you, if yoy rememeber I was in a real good mood for no discernable reason, and I went out with the attitude of, ah well, it's okay, thae weather's beautiful and if I don't make any money, I get to look at pretty cars and girls, (I can be fairly easily amused at times..told you ladies..I'm a cheap date, and a good laugh!!). THEN, Michelle drove by..AND caught the light so we could talk for a minute...my day was made!!! Then the fella gives me 20! on the next batch of cars to go by.

I'm outta time see you tonight.Dave

" 'I Blog....Therefore, I Am'......or......'Who?..Me?'....."

Good morning;

So I'm sitting in the coffee shop this morning and this woman comes up to me and asks..."Dave?...who writes the Blog?"....and since she did not look like either an assassin or a process server, I answered in the affirmative. She then stretched out her arm and with her open palm slapped me on the back of the head and said..."Putz!". Well as you can expect, I was a wee bit taken aback at this, and I guess the expression on my face kinda showed it...(poker faced I'm not....except when actually playing poker..LOL). she burst out laughing and explained that she was a reader of the blog and a friend of a friend, (who both requested anonymity), and since she was going to be in Owings Mills, they decided to send me a message to remember to eat when I am stressed out........LOL.

She was in a hurry so could not stay, but we exchanged e-mail addresses, and agreed to all meet up sometime soon.

This added to the sense of well being that for some unexplainable circumstance I am enveloped in today, in spite of all the reasons I should be in the usual stress induced near panic mental and emotional breakdown mode.....(LOL). You know the usual suspects, this time they've joined a gang...(absolutely no money; not enough meds and 3 more weeks to wait until the only doctor at the Jai Medical Center who can write the scrip returns; out of all food for a change and no more Food stamps; this huge debt, and the $300.00 I need to find, {and the guilt involved...I acknowledge the, [NO..SOME OF] the debt, and want to pay it off..I'll expand and expound on that in a later post}; and the daily worry that I'll head back to the shed to sleep and it'll be locked or boarded up; add to that the latest health issues and last evenings episode; then there is the stress I get from having to look over my shoulder for the cops and someone about to stick me up when I am out on the corner.){Imagine Scotty from "StarTrek" in one ear shouting.."Captain I dinna think she can take anymore, the dilithium crystal agonna blow!!"..and on the other side, the Robot from "Lost In Space", chanting.."Danger, Danger, Will Robinson..Danger..Emotional Overload!!!"....LOL. I think it is because for some reason this month has been such an extreme swing between elation and confidence, and anxiety and depression, (and I am NOT Bipolar....LOL), that I've used up my allotment of emotions for the month early. So I'm in default position and my choices are limited to 'WTF'..or..mildly euphoric, resulting in an average of bland calmness, emulating a relaxed contentment, (in terms of art masterpieces, specifically paintings, think "La Giaconda, aka The Mona Lisa" by Leonardo DaVinci, as opposed to "The Scream" by Edvard Munch....[which is more usual]....LOL). I'd go for Manic, but I'm just too tired, it was one of those nights where my dreams and hallucinations kept arguing, and the noise kept me awake.

I had a e-mail today from the woman whose article and blog I referred you to last night, Janet Gilbert..( www.janetgilbert.net ), saying that she was familiar with MY blog, and had heard of me through a friend of hers. Hey, twice in one morning, confirmation the I exist!!! (DAMN!!! by inverse logic...that also proves that my life is not just one really long, really bad dream, and I'll wake up soon, Rich, Thin, And Happy!!!..........SIGHHHHHHHHHH).

I saw a cartoon in this mornings Washington Post; "Pickles", by Brian Crane:

Paraphrasing-

"LIFE is like a blanket that is too short, pull it up and your toes are cold, cover your toes and your shoulders are cold, the best thing to do is to curl up in a fetal position and try to stay comfortable until it's over!"

Oh Well..I'm going to go and try to get some cash to buy dinner with...(tangential thought-- went in to Giant last night after the library closed and the young woman who was in the Deli Dept. saw me and said that she was hoping I'd come by because she saved some of the ends and bits and pieces for me, which she was just about to wrap and price, [at $0.99/lb., reduced from $6.99-12.99 /lb.]......another RAK.thanks!! so that was dinner and breakfast....see I remembered today...my head still hurts....LOL)..and for meds, and to build up what I can for the court, I'm gonna do what I can and not worry about, what is....IS, and what will be...WILL BE!

I'll see you later.....and please....Somebody wake me when it's over!!......

.............Dave

"Chicken Soup For The Homeless Soul............or..........Like The Checkers Commercial sez....'Ya Gotta Eat!!!!'........"

Good evening;

As you may remember, I started this blog with the intention of showing my gratitude to those nameless folks who stop and help me out, with either money or other Random Acts of Kindness, all the new readers who are stopping by due to those little slips of paper I handed you at the intersection, to borrow the essence of a line from Budweiser:

"This Blog's For YOU!!".................Thanks, and the next time you see me stop and say hello, it's not a requirement to give anything, the smiles care and concern are a blessing too.

I just had one of those slap yourself on the forehead and exclaim, "I coulda had a V8!!" moments on the way home from Towson. Only in my case it was more like a, "I shoulda ATE!!!"........I was on the platform for the Light Rail at Lutherville, and I started feeling a little dizzy and lightheaded, and started over to the benches to sit down, rememebering the Blood Pressure spike that put me in the hospital 3 weeks ago. Next thing I know, I'm face down on the bricks and someone is saying, 'I know CPR' and rolling me over, I opened my eyes and saw 4 of the most incredible violet eyes I have ever seen looking at me with concern and a deep compassion, mixed with a combination of knowledge and competence, (turns out that there was only one woman, and I was still having trouble getting my eyes focused..........LOL).

I said I really didn't need CPR, and I'd prefer to keep my ribs unbroken at this time, (IF you are doing it with enough pressure to start a heart...you're gonna break at least one rib, [ask a paramedic]), but I'd be willing to settle for mouth-to-mouth, after she stopped laughing she said she thought I'd be okay, but wanted to check my BP and pulse etc. just to be sure if I did not mind. It turns out Becky is a CCU/heart trauma nurse who was on her way to work at a major internationally recognized teaching hospital in Baltimore City, (she requested the vagueness..but there are only 2 hospitals, with 4 locations ig anyone is trying to guess who................LOL). As she interviewed/triaged me to try to find out a cause, she asked me what I had eaten and when, to see if food poisoning was a factor....well after we worked backwards to yesterday.....it turns out I kinda...uh..forgot to eat, since last evening at Rachel's, and even then my stomach was in such aknot, it was only a some lettuce she picked for me that she grew in her garden. I tend to not eat when under stress, like worrying about court, or jail, or meds , or not knowing where to sleep, you know the minor stuff. She had a thermos of chicken soup and some crackers...how fitting!!!..LOL................Thanks Becky, I owe ya one, though....I still woulda liked the artificial respiration!

Another nice gesture was from the gentleman who saw me on the bus stop after I went to Rachel's and got my bags and sleeping bag. I was searching my pockets for something and he crossed the street and offered me his daily bus pass as he was finished with it, now this was a busy stretch of Park Heights Ave. and it took a good 10 or 12 minutes for him to come over and back, and I already have monthly pass, (Ialmost fely guilty for having one I told him and he laughed........LOL)

Okay time up and it's closing time.........................later........Dave

(I'm listening to willie Nelson's Greatest hits, circa 1981....man, I don't want to leave, but they won't let me sleep here.............................D

"To Be....'Continued'.......or............Y'all Come Back Now...Y'Heah'......."

Good Afternoon.....Again;

So..........obviously I did not get detained or remanded, of course with the recent occurrences reported in the news of cell phone smuggling and other contraband found inside the wonderfully safe and secure correctional institutions in the State of Maryland......????.............LOL!

I have to return to see the Master at the end of June with $300.00 and proof of medical status and documentation of pending claims and cases with S.S.

They want paper.......I've got paper!...4 years of lies, evasions, and excuses from D.S.S. and S.S.,...(and plastic film).....X-rays, MRIs, CAT Scans, Sonograms, EEGs, Ekgs, Blood Tests, Biopsy results.

Of course this master is really not concerned about any of that, all he wants is money paid, he more or less said he did not care how it was acquired, by inferring, (or is it implying, I can never remember?), that it was not his problem, as long as it was paid, whether I had a job or not.

He also gave me a card of a lawyer who does disability cases, pulled it right from his briefcase, right there at the bench, and said he wants to see proof that I called...Hmmmmm...see title of previous post.

Okay, it's too late to be able to get all the way back to Pikesville, pick up my bags at Rachel's mom's house and go down to the corner to try to start building up some cash...(you know that if I do come in with the money, he's going to tell me to bring at least the much each time, and from observing the frequency levels in prior cases, that is every one or two weeks. If I could get a guaranteed $300.00 every week, I would not be on the street. Of course things like that don't matter, when he asked sarcastically, where do I sleep in a tent or in an empty building, and I replied (with some heat myself), Yes, I do!, and he asked where and I gave him some details, it kinda shut him up for a second.), sorry side tracked again,..so I am sitting here in the Towson library again, wondering what I can accomplish on this side of town? It seems that all the places I need to go to will be closed before I can get there, or I don't have the need paperwork with me at the moment. Figures...LOL

Let's see....what did I do this weekend? After I signed off Saturday I went out to the corner and caught a little bit if the Preakness crowd on the way home, I must have caught all the losers, or the fact that bringing one's own beer was banned made for fewer generous drunks, i made enough to get some dinner, and breakfast on Sunday, and my primary objective, enough for a few days meds.

I had tried to hook up with the temp agency to work on the cleanup detail Saturday night, if I got signed on I could have faked it enough, and used a trash grabber to avoid bending over, to get through one day and night. They somehow had record of my dis ability claim in their records and would and will not hire me for any more physical work, and I don't meet the specifications or qualify for any of the office or lighter work. I also found out from some other homeless guys that this year they hired 100 less people than last year, due to the smaller crowd and the economy. I used to be a very profitable business that not to many people knew about, cleaning up after events, (ball games too, but they are usally locked up early on for long term), finding cash and converable to cash portable abandoned property. Oh well, maybe next year.

There was a body found in my stomping grounds Sunday night, I had an e-mail from a concerned friend checking on me.....Thanks Anne!, it's kinda cool how one can make a friend through the magic of electrons, and worry and care and feel hapy for them, and never have met,..(and through CL yet!)........maybe some day...........[right "merywidow?...]

I went out searching for them Sunday morning and then went to the corner for the better part of the day and tried to build up some money to make at least a token payment for today, obviously I did not, it was a slow day.

This is a copyrighted piece reprinted from The Baltimore Sun Online.

Gotta give credit where credit is due to keep it legal..(I hope.....LOL)!

( www.baltsun.com )

Time to come out of the 'crazy closet'
By Janet Gilbert
May 18, 2009
I happen to know a lot of people who are mentally ill. And I look forward to meeting more mentally ill folks every year.I'm speaking of people who suffer from anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder and a whole host of anxiety disorders. Friends, family members, co-workers, bosses, service providers - all creative, productive, intelligent individuals whom I respect and admire. Their stories are not mine to tell, so I'm not going to have a big old Oprah moment here and divulge their details. But I am going to say that I have walked with the National Alliance on Mental Illness for the past three or four years in an effort to bring mental illness out of the "crazy closet." It seems the entertainment media is slowly getting it, producing popular programs like House, In Treatment and Monk. These programs underscore the fact that mentally ill people walk among us: working, having families, contributing, sometimes needing help. Just like any so-called average American. In fact, one could argue that the mentally ill are your average Americans. According to the NAMI Fact Sheet, one in four adults - or 57.7 million Americans - experience a mental health disorder in a given year.
And yet, there persists a stigma. If someone needs insulin, due to the medical condition known as diabetes, paramedics and teachers and police officers all know what to do. There is no shame factor that the afflicted person has to overcome just to ask for help. After all, the condition is not their fault; nor is it the fault of their parents' parenting. But let's take a moment to consider the individuals suffering from the medical condition known as major depressive disorder - a biologically based brain disorder. Here are just a few of the insensitive things that people routinely blurt out to those who are "down in the dumps:" Why don't you pull yourself up by your bootstraps, suck it up, put one foot in front of the other, keep on keepin' on, because God helps those who help themselves ... I could go on. But you're smart enough to get my point. Who wants to ask for help if it amounts to admitting a character flaw?In the past 12 months, I have learned of two teens in my town who have committed suicide - the third leading cause of death for ages 10-14, according to NAMI. Their pain was profound, perhaps exacerbated by a mental illness. Maybe, if we all come out of the crazy closet, we could extend support as a society to individuals suffering from mental illness and make life bearable for someone in the throes of darkness and confusion.When I walked recently with NAMI in College Park, I joined a team called the "Stigma Busters." I love this Howard County team because it was started by a friend of mine - a boy of 15 who was courageous enough to agree to be interviewed for a feature piece I was writing on the NAMI walk a few years back.The walk was exceptionally crowded, which was at once exhilarating and annoying. We were a sea of people, walking slowly, shoulder to shoulder in the drizzle. We will continue to march until mental illness is regarded just like any other illness. That's my dream - and it's no hallucination.Janet Gilbert, a freelance writer, lives in Woodstock. Visit her at http://www.janetgilbert.net/.

It struck a chord with me that is still vibrating! A couple words jumped off the page at me, and her seeming understanding and compassion of how difficult it is to make a 'normal' person comprehend the swirling screaming maelstrom that is my conscious and subconscious mind and thought processes and the almost impossible task of 'how' to express them to you.

I'm going to head back to Pikesville now, I may be back on this evening at the library there after I see Rachel again.........later........Dave

"Shake, Rattle, and Roll...........or.............Send Money, Guns, and Lawyers............."

Good Afternoon;

I'm here in the Towson library trying not to puke from anxiety, anticipation and worry, I go to court at 1:00 pm today.

I'm expected to have $11,898.00 in my hands.....I HAVE....$6.20, I'm only $11891.80 short............Well 'you can't get blood from a stone' as it is said,.......say a prayer the judge is reasonable, and practical, and maybe this time I can get some action from the State Agencies that keep dicking me around with stalling tactics.

I have been purposely spending as much time with Rachel as possible, just in case I get a 'vacation' from the state, Hey how about that race Saturday!, of course I did not get any money to put down until AFTER tha race........LOL!, story of my life, a day late and a dollar shor.

Al right I gotta go across the street and up the hill, I HOPE..really hope, to be back with some news this evening, if not, and I do not post anything for a little while, I want to thank everyone who has helped me when I was on the side of the road begging, and everyone who has read this little blog of mine, you are all amazing folks, God bless you . I especially want to thank my Starbucks buddies, for your support affection and respect. sanity is a fragile thing and you have helped the cracks in mine from spreading to un-repairable crevasses.

I want to tell you al about an article in the Baltimore Sun on Monday May 18th on the commentary Page at the bottom, by Janet Gilbert, titled "Time to come out of the Crazy Closet", please read it and consider the opinions and reactions on mental illness that you observe and react to.

gotta go................see you ???????...Dave

"Heart Of Darkness....................or The Elephants Graveyard"

Hey;

Just had a visitor from Cote De Ivoire (Ivory Coast), it was a referral from a Google search that really had nothing in common but a word in one of my titles. But Maybe, just MAYBE, some of those annoying African bastards who keep sending me e-mails in fractured English, about how they are bank managers who want my help in stealing money from a dead person's account..(it's amazing how many millionaires die each day in Africa with no heirs, I am seeing about 10 a day........LOL), will waste time coming to my site!!!!!!

anythin to spam the spammers!!!!!!!!..................Dave

"Aromatherapy......or.....'The Scent Of A Woman'.......aka.........'If You're HAPPY And You Know It, Clap Your Hands'..........."

Good Afternoon;

The air is so heavy, thick, gray, and damp, I swear you can actually reach out, grab a handful and wad it up and chew it like gum! 100% humidity and I feel like I'm back in Florida during season...(and I wish I was.....so I guess today I'm only suffering from a "Tropical Depression"....not the clinical kind.......LOL.

Hi Lynn, thanks for coming up to the St. Thomas Starbucks this morning, as usual, you've made a gray day colorful! Can you tell by the title....or was I too subtle?................LOL!

I went out to the corner yesterday after I signed off here, I had to keep shifting locations due to changing circumstances; first ,the Baltimore Fire Dept, (Engine 13 and Ladder truck ??, from Bolton Hill), parked on Mt. Royal and North Ave. and the firefighters spread out over the intersections with their boots as buckets, collecting for some charity or another, I'm not sure what. This is not a problem, I support these heroes in all they do and some of the guys have given to me, right off the truck even! But...the one woman who decide to work the curbside where I happened to be standing, exemplified the 'ghetto attitude' that infects Baltimore, a lack of courtesy and simple decency and civility. She walks up, literally! right in front of me and stands less than a foot away blocking me from sight. Now don't get me wrong, when I saw them parking the trucks and walking up I was prepared to surrender my space to a worthy cause, but to not even look at me, or say anything, or even to bother to ask or order me to leave is just ignorant. Like I said, I was leaving anyway, having collected about $8.00 or so. I got on the light rail and went to the Camden Yards stop, where 395 and Conway St. and Howard St. meet, I was there about 35 minutes when two Baltimore City police Traffic officers, who were sitting in cars on the lot got out and put on their safety vests. They had just gotten a radio call, and a few minute later here come 3 huge tractor trailers with a motorcycle escort and being led by limos and SUVs with flashing red and blue lights, pulling in to the stadium parking lot. And..right after that, form the other direction, a bunch of floats, for the Preakness started arriving. Well, I figured, that if these cops, who I had not noticed in their cars, had sat there and not bothered me, while I collected about $11.00, I was not about to disrespect them by standing right in their faces and panhandling. i walked over to thank them and let them know that I was grateful, and that I was leaving as a courtesy returned. I think I shocked them.......they were at a loss for a minute, then acknowledged my thanks and thanked me!.........LOL.

So I got Back on the train and headed north and got off at North Ave. again, and stood on the opposite corner for about 20 minutes, the FD was gone, and left when the wind picked up to the point where my sign kept folding up on it's own, I ended up with another $6.00 in coins.

I went back out to Owing Mills on the subway and missed every connection...LOL....took me 2 & 1/2 hours to get to the Starbucks, but I had books, and was in no big hurry, and the weather was mild, it was actually kinda 'relaxating'........(a word I made up, to compete with...'conversate', and 'observating', the first one is in frequent usage on the buses and trains, and the second is lifted directly from a police report.....as in.."I was observating from a covert locality, when I saw the alleged criminal subjective perpetuating the act of criminality in question, which caused me to iniatialate the aforemention search and seize her"..........I SAW a photocopy of this..REALLY!!!)..but I digress, so..I got to the coffee shop as they were getting ready to close, and after using the bathroom to scrape of some of the road dust...(you'd be surprised how must dust is kicked up and coats you on the corner), my new friends gave me some marked out sandwiches. This was right on time, since I had not eaten all day except for the 'dumpster donuts' from the night before. and I even had money to splurge on a BaskinRobbins ice cream.....oh I paid the price today, but every once in a while I just gotta eat ice cream! So I sat at the tables outside until 11:00pm, when the bus came and went to the gas station for my nightly 'last call' bathroom break...LOL. Of course I had to try a couple dollars on the Keno, my horseshoe must be rusty or something, I have hit a streak of, not even bad luck, call it 'no luck' this week, ( which has continued this morning), so I went to sleep in my 'shack'.

Hit the Starbucks this morning, and sat 'til noon, and came here to the library, and here I sit. I guess I'll try to catch some of the Preakness crowd on the way home, maybe I'll run into a bunch of happy, lucky, (drunken) winners.......LOL!!

and..thh thh thh thaattt's all folks......see ya Monday.....Dave

"Another One Rides The Bus.........or.......'Breathe In, Breathe Out, Move On'........."

Good afternoon;

I woke up this morning feeling like 2 bags of dead mice. Between the sinus pressure and the excruciating back pain, and the swelling in my abdomen, from the liver problems,I kinda thought it was time to see the doctor, again. So after going into the Giant and using the facilities and dumping the pennies, that were all the money that I had into the CoinStar machine, and finding that I had enough for a cup of coffee, I hit the Starbucks, and then the clinic. I had only a short wait, (1&1/2 hours), and was informed..

"Your liver is really swollen, your sinuses are inflamed and swollen, and it seems that the deteriorating disks in your back are also.......and according to these answers, you're showing serious symptons of depression...do you feel depressed, are you suicidal?"....(real quote).

I replied, " Well, since I knew these things and came to you with this information first, looking for the reasons why, I am no longer suicidal....homicidal from the incompetence maybe, but I don't want to kill Myself anymore!!!"

For some strange reason this got me a very weird look!

The conclusion, "we need to run more tests", and the results of the last set I asked, "oh ..um..well, those seem to have 'gone missing' during a 'clean up'.............Yeah...............so I wasted 4 hours, not counting travel, that I could have used at the morning rush hour to try to acquire some money to eat and get meds with.

.....Inhale.....hold..........exhale..sloooooowly...repeat.

I had to cash in pennies this morning to get coffee (and still had to borrow one), because the $2.06 that I told you about last night went to this woman on the bus so that she could take her kids ti the babysitter's, so she could get to work. She had a disability pass, (she was on crutches with a broken leg), and the driver would not cut her any slack or give her a break to travel about 2 miles up the road in the pouring rain with 2 toddlers. Me and the 2 other folks on the bus came up with $3.50 between us so she could get a day pass for the kids. The driver almost refused to let her buy one, and was on her cell phone talking trash about all of us for some reason, I don't want to claim it was racially motivated, but in the light of the circumstances...well i'm just sayin'....

I stopped in at the gas station to use the bathroom and fill my waterbottle lastnight before trying to sleep, (insomnia has been a big, big problem in the last week, my mind won't stop stressing out), and it started to pour like the Flood was coming again. I was trapped for about an hour, so I sat and watched the lottery and TV, an acquaintance and Keno player, Gary came in, and when he hit for a moderate sized win, said there was an $8.00 credit on the machine, and he felt that I was about to get lucky, and the numbers I play when I have money were going to hit...well it was a lovely gesture, but the only luck I had was bad!, 8 separate games, 160 possible number choices, and not one of my picks came up...I'm glad it was not my money this time, but God Bless you for trying to help, Gary.

The rain finally stopped and I went across the street and raided the Dunkin Donuts dumpster for dinner and todays breakfast, I don't want to see the "Wizard Of Oz" for a long, long time...(I've had enough stale "Munckins"). Anyway, I've GOT to go find some cash,

I'm out of money,

I'm out of meds,

I'm out of options,

I'm goin' outta my mind!

Maybe I'll get afew bucks and find a bookie and win on the Preakness!

What???

"it could happen!!!"

Life's a bitch, if I don't check out tonight,...see ya tomorrow,

...................Dave