Wednesday, May 20, 2009

" 'I Blog....Therefore, I Am'......or......'Who?..Me?'....."

Good morning;
So I'm sitting in the coffee shop this morning and this woman comes up to me and asks..."Dave?...who writes the Blog?"....and since she did not look like either an assassin or a process server, I answered in the affirmative. She then stretched out her arm and with her open palm slapped me on the back of the head and said..."Putz!". Well as you can expect, I was a wee bit taken aback at this, and I guess the expression on my face kinda showed it...(poker faced I'm not....except when actually playing poker..LOL). she burst out laughing and explained that she was a reader of the blog and a friend of a friend, (who both requested anonymity), and since she was going to be in Owings Mills, they decided to send me a message to remember to eat when I am stressed out........LOL.
She was in a hurry so could not stay, but we exchanged e-mail addresses, and agreed to all meet up sometime soon.

This added to the sense of well being that for some unexplainable circumstance I am enveloped in today, in spite of all the reasons I should be in the usual stress induced near panic mental and emotional breakdown mode.....(LOL). You know the usual suspects, this time they've joined a gang...(absolutely no money; not enough meds and 3 more weeks to wait until the only doctor at the Jai Medical Center who can write the scrip returns; out of all food for a change and no more Food stamps; this huge debt, and the $300.00 I need to find, {and the guilt involved...I acknowledge the, [NO..SOME OF] the debt, and want to pay it off..I'll expand and expound on that in a later post}; and the daily worry that I'll head back to the shed to sleep and it'll be locked or boarded up; add to that the latest health issues and last evenings episode; then there is the stress I get from having to look over my shoulder for the cops and someone about to stick me up when I am out on the corner.){Imagine Scotty from "StarTrek" in one ear shouting.."Captain I dinna think she can take anymore, the dilithium crystal agonna blow!!"..and on the other side, the Robot from "Lost In Space", chanting.."Danger, Danger, Will Robinson..Danger..Emotional Overload!!!"....LOL. I think it is because for some reason this month has been such an extreme swing between elation and confidence, and anxiety and depression, (and I am NOT Bipolar....LOL), that I've used up my allotment of emotions for the month early. So I'm in default position and my choices are limited to 'WTF'..or..mildly euphoric, resulting in an average of bland calmness, emulating a relaxed contentment, (in terms of art masterpieces, specifically paintings, think "La Giaconda, aka The Mona Lisa" by Leonardo DaVinci, as opposed to "The Scream" by Edvard Munch....[which is more usual]....LOL). I'd go for Manic, but I'm just too tired, it was one of those nights where my dreams and hallucinations kept arguing, and the noise kept me awake.

I had a e-mail today from the woman whose article and blog I referred you to last night, Janet Gilbert..( www.janetgilbert.net ), saying that she was familiar with MY blog, and had heard of me through a friend of hers. Hey, twice in one morning, confirmation the I exist!!! (DAMN!!! by inverse logic...that also proves that my life is not just one really long, really bad dream, and I'll wake up soon, Rich, Thin, And Happy!!!..........SIGHHHHHHHHHH).
I saw a cartoon in this mornings Washington Post; "Pickles", by Brian Crane:
Paraphrasing-
"LIFE is like a blanket that is too short, pull it up and your toes are cold, cover your toes and your shoulders are cold, the best thing to do is to curl up in a fetal position and try to stay comfortable until it's over!"
Oh Well..I'm going to go and try to get some cash to buy dinner with...(tangential thought-- went in to Giant last night after the library closed and the young woman who was in the Deli Dept. saw me and said that she was hoping I'd come by because she saved some of the ends and bits and pieces for me, which she was just about to wrap and price, [at $0.99/lb., reduced from $6.99-12.99 /lb.]......another RAK.thanks!! so that was dinner and breakfast....see I remembered today...my head still hurts....LOL)..and for meds, and to build up what I can for the court, I'm gonna do what I can and not worry about, what is....IS, and what will be...WILL BE!
I'll see you later.....and please....Somebody wake me when it's over!!......
.............Dave

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