Good Evening;
AHHHHHHH!!!!, that feels better, two days without my "fix", I was starting to go into "Internet Withdrawal"....now I see why they call them "CrackBerrys"....LOL
How is everyone tonight, I'm so glad to see "Spring" back, with sunshine and warm weather, between the rain and the hot spell, I thought we skipped right to 'Indian Summer'.
I ended up closing the library on Saturday afternoon at 5:30, and then I stopped off on the corner to see if I could raise any money. For some strange I was overcome and overwhelmed by a bout of depression. It was as if a thunderstorm had rolled in and darkened the sky, or a tornado was approaching. My sight narrowed as in tunnel vision, and there was a black 'aura' over everything, and the feeling of an oppressive weight bearing down on me, I have experienced this type of episode before, but never has it come on with such suddenness. I also felt physically dirty and uncomfortable. I made a choice to find a room to stay in, to shower and just lie down and watch TV. I decided that I write off the expense to mental health and put my faith and trust in God to allow me some way to recompense the expense, because the money was to be set aside for Rachel's birthday presents. I realized I had not eaten all day and tried to decide what/where to eat...it may sound weird, but I agonized over such a simple thing as going to McDonalds or going up to the Giant. The anxiety was ridiculous I know, but it was affecting me physically and interfering with my thought processes. Just trying to decide whether to spend $4.00 in cash or use the Food Stamps at the Giant almost made me sick to my stomach,(I finally went to the Giant, if anyone cares..LOL, and of course the 'lucky horseshoe' did it's job. I ended up with about $8.00 worth of top shelf deli meat for $0.85 cents) don't ask me why, the shrinks tell me that it's 'Clinical Depression', as opposed to 'the blues', combined with 'General Anxiety Disorder', exacerbated by 'PTSD', the fact that the daily uncertainty of knowing where I am going to sleep, and the overhanging threat of an upcoming court date, and possible jail time is not really a great tranquilizing influence either, believe it ir not.......LOL! I showered twice that night and again in the morning just because of night sweats.
Well I awoke to a beautiful day, and realized that I had only a half dose of my meds left, and that cleared up a lot of the questions about the reason for all the stress. I called Monkee, and understandably so, she has had too much on her plate to even get the doctor for herself, her husbands out of a coma, but still a long way from coming home..if ever, sad to say. I finally got ahold of Longwind and arranged to meet him after I hit the corner, amazingly on a Sunday it took 2 hours to raise $10.00, but it was all I needed to meet the street prices, and pay the 'running fee' (for the uninitiated, that is what I pay someone to 'cop' or 'scoop' as it is called, meaning 'to buy', for me, this way I am out of the direct loop of making a purchase, and do not have to venture into a place where it would be both physically and spiritually unsafe for me to be. Part of the high is the act of 'copping, believe it or not, this way, it is about as exciting as going to the 7-11...LOL. The minute I had the 'bupes' in my possession, that weight was lifted by about 80%, and when the anti-depressant effects of the drug itself became active, I felt almost normal..............so I went back to the corner for a while, and again the blessings I receive when I do the right things, I may not always make the right decisions, but everytime I have been faced with a 'moral choice' I seem to be making the right ones, I got enough to go to my Sunday night bargain spot, and get a half price burger and a drink..(Bill Bateman's Bistro..in Reisterstown..Sunday nights 7:00 pm - close....see Eric at the bar, tell him Dave said to treat you like he treats me.............AND DO NOT FORGET TO TIP WELL!!!...hey I give back when and how I can, to those who help me!!) I spent the night in my 'hidey-hole', luckily where I sleep stayed dry, and most of the rest of it had dried out.
This morning, Monday, I went up to the St. Thomas Starbucks about 7:45 am, and needed a decent coffee, woke up with one of those sinus headaches that nothing seems to help except steam and caffeine. The ex called and said Rachel had just been to Beth Tfiloh to be evaluated by the teaching staff to see how she interacts with the other kindergarteners. from what I understand she did very well once she warmed up. She colored a picture of herself and a cat on ice skates!..LOL..(she had pink hair, lonnnnggggg legs and no body, the CAT! had a body.....and..A BELLYBUTTON!...what an imagination!). They dropped me at the train staation and I went Back to the corner, and had a most interesting day, I have enough to treat Rachel to a really good 5th birthday, and enough for food, (which usually isn't a big as a problem as many folks on the street try to tell you it is). I met a very generous and compassionate gentleman today, who has been gifting me on and off over the time I have been on this corner, he noticed that I was away for a good while and not out as often as I was before, I explained my philosophy of 'need not greed', and 'paying it forward' when I can, and how the blessings are more consistent with moderation. His name is also David and he is a born again Chritian, now as most of you know I am Jewish, proud of my heritage, but 'spiritual' as opposed to 'religious', and my faith is strong, although I weaken in it at times. We stood together and talked, and he 'preached', in the true meaning of the word, his faith and belief, and his care and concern. We must have been at least 45 minutes on the median strip of the I-83 exit/entrance ramp talking scripture, and me listening to him as he gave me some gospel chapters and verse to look up and study, and when I told him I was Jewish he was very respectful and treated my doubts and concerns with honor, unlike so many of those who pay lip service to the bible, and 'talk the talk but don't walk the walk'. I'll listen, discuss, and express my beliefs and opinions with an open mind with anyone like him, the realness of his faith shone in his face and in his passion. Many thanks to you, David Scott.
I made up a bunch of almost business card like slips of paper on the computer Saturday, and ran of a couple sheets on the copier, then cut them into pieces,
PLEASE READ MY BLOG
HOMELESSCIDE="LIFE ON THE STREETS"
MY LIFE-MY THANKS-MY JOURNAL
and I have been giving them to everyone who stops and greets me on the corner, it is just another way of expressing my thanks and gratitude for your gifts...you may as well get some entertainment value for your dollar or so, and the RETuRN VISIT IS FREE!!!..................LOL.
Speaking of which, if you get a chance, take a minute and check out this site, it is organized and run by 2 friends of mine 'Iokepa and Inette Imaikalani, and it brings attention to the fate of the Native Hawaiian people and the injustices perpetrated against them and the total lack of recourse they have to right the wrongs. African Americans and Native Americans and Alaskan Natives are familliar to most of us, and their abuse and betrayals, and the current avenues they can use to attempt to receive restitution. But the island peoples are unknown to most of us and THEY have absolutely no rights to recalim tribal land or heritage. the site is NOT only about this, there is mostly a spiritual message, and their story....
ok...........I'm out of time.....I'll be back tomorrow.......my thanks to all who stop by.
..............Dave
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