Sunday, February 6, 2011

"Startled By A Starling..........or..........Stick 'Em JAYS!!!.........."

Good Evening;
So I opened the shed door and heard a 'skritching' kind of noise and though it was just the door rubbing on some pieces of plastic strapping and some vines that have grown through the wall behind the door. I walked up to get the lantern and turn it on and something explodes out of the upper corner by the ceiling and ricochets past my head, coming to rest by the opposite end of the shack near the door.
As I turned on the lantern I saw feathers floating to the ground.....Another damn bird!! Turns out it is Stevie The Stupid Starling who must have said "Hey look! Here's a hole barely big enough for me to squeeze my body through, ripping off some feathers in the process on the jagged splinters that will prevent me from exiting the same way.....hmmmmm, oh what the hell, why not!" as he forced his way into the shed.
Well..... this is the dumbest bird I have ever seen! I turned off the lantern and opened the door the whole way so it presented the largest area of light, and stepped outside and stood "vewy, vewy qwiet, as if I was hunting wabbits!" Nothing. But inside I hear a furious fluttering and flapping and scratching...and when I looked inside there was Stevie The Stupid Starling trying to get back out the way he got in, totally ignoring the wide open doorway to freedom! At this point I'm ready to go in and set up for bed so I attempt to assist in his escape and extrication. I stood to one side and gently tossed some wadded up napkins to his flank and to the rear, between him and the hole, so as to activate his 'fight or flight' instincts in the logical such luck. WHAM, thunk, WHAM, thunk! From one side wall to the next, then back to the hole. Okay, so now I go outside and stuff a piece of paper in the hole to block out the light....banging on the shed wall to 'scare him straight'......out the open door. This time he heads into the corner, the dark corner, where the shed gets about 10 inches wider and starts to get his speckled ass settled and tucks his head under his wing to go to sleep!

And right now someone is tromping through the snow towards the back soon.

Okay, I turned off the lantern and closed the laptop and listened. When I heard the person walking away, I waited a few minutes and peaked out the door. It looks like another guy went under the carport and took a leak and walked back out to the street... way to go genius, all the places with no snow around....and you choose this one! And you just walked past" the gas station....with a rest room.

Well screw that!!!! I'm not waking up to bird sh*t all over the place! Ask anyone who has had to deal with the folks over in Grasonville, on Kent Island had a while ago. I tried to toss a towel over him and then carry him out and set him free, but the corner was too tight and high. I then said "PETA be damned!" and tied a rag to a forked stick, (imagine a lacrosse stick), and went after him. Either I was going to shoo him out, chanting, 'fly to the liiight and be freeeee!'.....or I was going to fulfil my lifelong unrequited fantasy of making a 'scoop, cradle.......throw, and..........score!' as a Johns Hopkins University, Varsity Lacrosse Blue Jay breaking the tie and winning the NCAA Championship over arch rival the University Of Maryland (College Park) Terrapins...aka......'The Terps'! AND THE CROWD GOES WILD!!!!!!.... {Sorry, I got a little carried away there......LMAO!!!}. It ended up being a little of it an 'assist', I flushed him out and gave him a little boost in acceleration, (like a JATO....HA!), and he only bounced once off the floor, sideswiped the wall AND hit the open door on his way out under his own steam.....and Good Riddance!
Damn it must have dropped 10 or 12 degrees in the past 15 minutes or so, a huge gust of wind came by and rattled the shed, and now the wind is blowing steadily with frequent gusts. My fingers on my right hand are starting to get cold and 'burn', so I'M OUTTA HERE!
Thee left hand is not so bad, I'm holding the laptop and it's under the battery

No comments: