Sunday, September 25, 2011

"Holding On By Letting Go............................"

Good Afternoon;
Well I'm sitting here in Starbucks trying to head off a sinus headache with caffeine and Ibuprofen before it morphs to a migraine. The Sun just came out and although the temperature is in the mid 70s, it raised the already high humidity higher yet. Even though I don't suffer from allergies, the damp humid air causes similar effects and symptoms in the sinuses.

I never did get any real sleep last night, waking and falling back to sleep in a 30 -40 minute repeating cycle. Waking with the feeling of a hangover without the (dubious) benefits of the binge beforehand is neither fun nor

After hitting the Giant and spending 4 of the 5 dollars I lucked into last night when I got up to go to the bathroom at the gas station...(I was passing by the payphone and just reached out and slapped it in the side of the casing for no reason and when I walking away heard a ding-ding-ding sound and coin started falling out of the return chute!....$5.25 in nickels and dimes! the people behind me in line as I fed the coins in one by, I walked over to the bus stop and saw 2 really cool books just sitting on the curb at the intersection, 'Rand McNally Atlas Of The Solar System' and 'Colours Of The Stars', large coffee table type astronomy buff books. Some really neat photos and it traces the dual history of of astronomy and photography since the first combined use in 1884......pretty neat.

I finished reading the book "Grandmothers Whisper", by my friend Inette Miller Imalkalani last night. I started it in January when they gave me a copy when they were in town but stopped reading about 3/4 of the way through a few months ago, unable to focus and concentrate on it. This week, only days before Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur, a time of introspection and self examination, of one's self and one's place in the community and world, and one's relationship with a higher power, I opened the book to a page, and a sentence that leaped off the page in illuminated letters, that I had seen before, but never really read. As if it was meant to be seen in this time and situation.
Connection, reconnection, remembrance of things forgotten, remembrance of things embedded in the soul, yet unrevealed to the cluttered, hurried mind.
Time, Faith, People, Hope, Memories of things yet unexperienced.
Links to the past and the future, race memory, genetic memory, history, and prophecy. Opening of the dark spaces in the soul to light and enlightenment.
Acceptance and humility, and a course correction on a journey of discovery.

Like crawling out from under the rubble of an avalanche, waking from a coma, or the first moments of clarity when a fever breaks, before the cold hard reality, pain, and weakness kicks in, there has been a flash, a glimmer yet undecoded or translated into what it means or points toward.
As I sit here looking at theses 3 books, I see how huge is the universe and how tiny and insignificant each of us really are, and yet each of us are connected by a thin gossamer thread that links us to each and every other, from those who went before, to those yet to come, and to the vastness that is ALL.

And.....I'm back and the moment passes, and I'm cold and hot and shaking and soaking wet.

No matter how I try to escape, it keeps coming back and biting me in the ass, forget gratitude and you'll lose yourself.
Forget yourself and you'll lose some of the resistance to moving forward.

Gotta run,

No comments: